Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 68 "part four, Chapter 20"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
70 total reviews
Comment from micci
Well written I enjoyed reading it my own mother was a young mother with two children trapped in an abusive relationship so I relate to your story a lot, great job
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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Well written I enjoyed reading it my own mother was a young mother with two children trapped in an abusive relationship so I relate to your story a lot, great job
Comment Written 28-May-2012
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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Thank you for the kind review,
Comment from mumsyone
Glad to see another chapter, Barbara.
Troy walked over to the window and raised the venetian
(Venetian) blinds.
Her eyelids fluttered(,) then opened
It was past his bedtime(,) so Mom took him home.
She nodded(,) then grimaced.
Troy stood, reached for (the) water pitcher, and poured a glass
Her lids briefly closed, then (she) reopened them.
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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Glad to see another chapter, Barbara.
Troy walked over to the window and raised the venetian
(Venetian) blinds.
Her eyelids fluttered(,) then opened
It was past his bedtime(,) so Mom took him home.
She nodded(,) then grimaced.
Troy stood, reached for (the) water pitcher, and poured a glass
Her lids briefly closed, then (she) reopened them.
Comment Written 28-May-2012
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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I must have been making some of the changes while you were reading. Thank you for the eagle eye.
Comment from judiverse
Very excellent. I've enjoyed reading it, and you've made Anna such a sympathetic character I'm sure everyone's rooting for her recovery. The situation in this part seems very realistic. The hospital setting is described well. Troy shows his devotion to Anna, and hopefully he'll make her forget all she suffered through with her ex-husband. judi
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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Very excellent. I've enjoyed reading it, and you've made Anna such a sympathetic character I'm sure everyone's rooting for her recovery. The situation in this part seems very realistic. The hospital setting is described well. Troy shows his devotion to Anna, and hopefully he'll make her forget all she suffered through with her ex-husband. judi
Comment Written 28-May-2012
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome. I'm glad I followed your book. judi
Comment from Janie King
Indian blankets are flowers? They kind of look a little like a daisy type flower, well maybe not..I'm not real good with flowers. Thank God Anna is awake enough to talk and communicate a little. Good chapter. God bless.
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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Indian blankets are flowers? They kind of look a little like a daisy type flower, well maybe not..I'm not real good with flowers. Thank God Anna is awake enough to talk and communicate a little. Good chapter. God bless.
Comment Written 28-May-2012
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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Yes, they are flowers and look a little like daisies. They literally blanket a field.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
So Anna is getting better. It seems a shame they have to put her through a lot of tests just after she becomes fully aware. It is generally true that people forget what caused a horrid trauma, so Anna's not knowing how she ended up in the hospital is a good move on your part.
This is an excellent chapter - I'd give it a six-star review if I could, but the site won't let me. Also, I found one tiny nit:
"The doctor has quite a few tests he want's [wants -no apostrophe] done."
Dave
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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Barbara,
So Anna is getting better. It seems a shame they have to put her through a lot of tests just after she becomes fully aware. It is generally true that people forget what caused a horrid trauma, so Anna's not knowing how she ended up in the hospital is a good move on your part.
This is an excellent chapter - I'd give it a six-star review if I could, but the site won't let me. Also, I found one tiny nit:
"The doctor has quite a few tests he want's [wants -no apostrophe] done."
Dave
Comment Written 28-May-2012
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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Darn it, I know no apostrophe belongs there. I guess I spaced out. Thank you for catching it.
Comment from nor84
Hi, Barbara. Caught you on Up Next.
Betty tightly cuddled him.>>>cuddled him tightly. It's a split infinite the other way, like 'boldy go'
After pulling his chair closer to the bed, Troy took her hand in his. He lifted it to his lips and kissed it. >>>in his isn't needed. I suggest combining to make a smoother sentence:
After pulling his chair closer to the bed, Troy took her hand, lifted it to his lips and kissed it.
A caress already means a gentle touch or gesture of fondness, tenderness, or love, so the adverb 'softly' isn't really necessary.
Troy stood, reached for (the)water pitcher
Her lids briefly closed (closed briefly), then reopened(.) 'them' isn't needed, unless you want 'and then she reopened them.'
The doctor checked some read outs (readouts)
We're in Troy's point of view in this chapter. He can hear the nurse say, "I'm Sarah" etc., but he can't hear Anna's reply? that's OK, but needs to be clear why.
Good job.
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reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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Hi, Barbara. Caught you on Up Next.
Betty tightly cuddled him.>>>cuddled him tightly. It's a split infinite the other way, like 'boldy go'
After pulling his chair closer to the bed, Troy took her hand in his. He lifted it to his lips and kissed it. >>>in his isn't needed. I suggest combining to make a smoother sentence:
After pulling his chair closer to the bed, Troy took her hand, lifted it to his lips and kissed it.
A caress already means a gentle touch or gesture of fondness, tenderness, or love, so the adverb 'softly' isn't really necessary.
Troy stood, reached for (the)water pitcher
Her lids briefly closed (closed briefly), then reopened(.) 'them' isn't needed, unless you want 'and then she reopened them.'
The doctor checked some read outs (readouts)
We're in Troy's point of view in this chapter. He can hear the nurse say, "I'm Sarah" etc., but he can't hear Anna's reply? that's OK, but needs to be clear why.
Good job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-May-2012
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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I am confused on your first suggestion. I have taken many hits for having it cuddled him tighly. I have been told to put the adverb as close to the verb as possible, when there's a word like him there, put the adverb in front. HELP!!!! I have made the changes.
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Actually, cuddled him is enough. The darned 'ly' adverbs don't help. Not everybody who reviews you knows what they're talking about, as I'm sure you realize. A split infinitive is what I think it's called, and I'll go online and come back in a PM.
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thank you
Comment from guinea
well written section i thought. I enjoyed reading it. The imagery is great. Anna is a fasinating character. I look forward to more work from you.
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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well written section i thought. I enjoyed reading it. The imagery is great. Anna is a fasinating character. I look forward to more work from you.
Comment Written 28-May-2012
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from adewpearl
Troy is such a wonderful, loyal man :-)
early morning light shown - shone
quite a few tests he want's done - drop the apostrophe
the flowers look lovely in the photo :-)
This is a warm and loving chapter. Brooke
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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Troy is such a wonderful, loyal man :-)
early morning light shown - shone
quite a few tests he want's done - drop the apostrophe
the flowers look lovely in the photo :-)
This is a warm and loving chapter. Brooke
Comment Written 28-May-2012
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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I will fix those nasty little errors, thank you for your kind review.
Comment from c_lucas
It looks like Anna is on the mend. This is very well written with a smooth flow words, Making for a very good read. Your post puts the reader into the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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It looks like Anna is on the mend. This is very well written with a smooth flow words, Making for a very good read. Your post puts the reader into the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-May-2012
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and your continued support.
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You're welcome. Barbara. Charlie
Comment from Shirley McLain
Yipee, Anna is awake. Now I imagine her and Troy will finally get together. I am assuming the story is coming to an end very soon. Great job
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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Yipee, Anna is awake. Now I imagine her and Troy will finally get together. I am assuming the story is coming to an end very soon. Great job
Comment Written 28-May-2012
reply by the author on 28-May-2012
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I am going to try to end the story in one chapter, but it might take two. Thank you for the kind review.
