Poetry, Dreams In Motion.
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "s.o.s"A collection of poetry.
5 total reviews
Comment from Nescher Pyscher
Then its(it's? I think?) off to work again,
But when five O'clock(While it's short for 'of the clock' I don't think you need to capitalize 'o' there. :0)) finally rolls around,
Cause its the same old shit, ('Cause it's . . .)
LOL!!!
And then you die. :0)
   |
Then its(it's? I think?) off to work again,
But when five O'clock(While it's short for 'of the clock' I don't think you need to capitalize 'o' there. :0)) finally rolls around,
Cause its the same old shit, ('Cause it's . . .)
LOL!!!
And then you die. :0)
Comment Written 26-Feb-2005
Comment from Jon Kuntz
You certainly nailed "Good morning America". I'm not even awake whild doing those things.
Your words are good and you kept my imagination and readership going. But when I got to "With same old people piss me off" plus the next line, I started to stumble. I think your flow goes away at that point. But that's just what I think.
Otherwise I think it's good.
|
You certainly nailed "Good morning America". I'm not even awake whild doing those things.
Your words are good and you kept my imagination and readership going. But when I got to "With same old people piss me off" plus the next line, I started to stumble. I think your flow goes away at that point. But that's just what I think.
Otherwise I think it's good.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2005
Comment from Kingsland
YEHAW!!! this is great
got a good laugh out of this one
and the repeating of the lines
was perfect for this poem
loved every part of it
......John
|
YEHAW!!! this is great
got a good laugh out of this one
and the repeating of the lines
was perfect for this poem
loved every part of it
......John
Comment Written 19-Feb-2005
Comment from tango_pi
Excellent poem, there is a lovely flow going through it. Structured well and a very good story.
I can relate to your cry for help!
|
Excellent poem, there is a lovely flow going through it. Structured well and a very good story.
I can relate to your cry for help!
Comment Written 19-Feb-2005
Comment from Agrias0303
With same old people piss me off, ...."Pissing" would sound better...just "piss" kinda makes me stumble when I read this....
Other than that, awesome piece. It read really smooth, and you could feel the mundane repitition that most people feel in their lives as an adult. Awesome job!
~Shanny
|
With same old people piss me off, ...."Pissing" would sound better...just "piss" kinda makes me stumble when I read this....
Other than that, awesome piece. It read really smooth, and you could feel the mundane repitition that most people feel in their lives as an adult. Awesome job!
~Shanny
Comment Written 19-Feb-2005
