Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "A Mato Moon"Murder Mystery
46 total reviews
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Bev
A great addition to your book.
The first part, a good description of the feelings and actions of the sheriff and detective as they investigate the case. The second part presents the tough blonde. I imagined someone like Lana Turner would have played her in the old movie days.
Lots of good things to enjoy.
Ron xox
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Hi Bev
A great addition to your book.
The first part, a good description of the feelings and actions of the sheriff and detective as they investigate the case. The second part presents the tough blonde. I imagined someone like Lana Turner would have played her in the old movie days.
Lots of good things to enjoy.
Ron xox
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Hi, Ron. Thank you for your extremly generous review! I also appreciate you letting me know what you thought of the elements of the chapter. That's always a big, big help. Much appreciate it. Xxx Bev
Comment from judiverse
Great chapter, Bev. The description of Debra's niece Darcy is very vivid, She's upset that she wasn't notified about her aunt's death but may have information since she had seen Debra shortly before her death. Jana is an interesting character, and she seems to be looking out for the Sheriff. You do a fine job of handling the conversation with the coroner. It sounds realistic, and we learn that the killer used a paralysis-inducing drug. True to what often happens in real life, the sheriff has a lot on his plate and comes in for his share of blame. You show him as a guy who can handle it, thought. judi
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Great chapter, Bev. The description of Debra's niece Darcy is very vivid, She's upset that she wasn't notified about her aunt's death but may have information since she had seen Debra shortly before her death. Jana is an interesting character, and she seems to be looking out for the Sheriff. You do a fine job of handling the conversation with the coroner. It sounds realistic, and we learn that the killer used a paralysis-inducing drug. True to what often happens in real life, the sheriff has a lot on his plate and comes in for his share of blame. You show him as a guy who can handle it, thought. judi
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Hi, judi. Once again, I owe you a big thank you for your very thorough review, my friend. And, also, your generous rating. It's alway so helpful to know what elements are working in a chapter. So, thanks a bunch for that, my friend. Hugs, Bev
Comment from JW
This chapter does a good job of progressing the story line. I'm sure it'll make a good addition to your novel.
Here are a few things you may want to review. JW
"The tox screen isn't totally complete, but early indications are the the (the repeated) killer used a high grade paralysis-inducing drug."
"I said, your vic wasn't sexually assaulted. The underwear we removed had no signs of semen or other bodily fluids. That doesn't mean he didn't grope her, but there was (were) definitely ...
But seeing her tight jeans, stilletto (stiletto) heels
The woman finger-combed her hair, giving Derek a chance to admire the rose tatoo (tattoo) on her wrist and her perfect manicure.
Later(,) he would ponder the ...
Jana said while firmly guiding the woman ->Jana said,firmly guiding the woman ... (recommendation)
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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This chapter does a good job of progressing the story line. I'm sure it'll make a good addition to your novel.
Here are a few things you may want to review. JW
"The tox screen isn't totally complete, but early indications are the the (the repeated) killer used a high grade paralysis-inducing drug."
"I said, your vic wasn't sexually assaulted. The underwear we removed had no signs of semen or other bodily fluids. That doesn't mean he didn't grope her, but there was (were) definitely ...
But seeing her tight jeans, stilletto (stiletto) heels
The woman finger-combed her hair, giving Derek a chance to admire the rose tatoo (tattoo) on her wrist and her perfect manicure.
Later(,) he would ponder the ...
Jana said while firmly guiding the woman ->Jana said,firmly guiding the woman ... (recommendation)
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Thanks for catching the SPAG's my eagle-eyed friend. That's generous of your and I appreciate the help. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Chris Davis
You have done a nice job with this writing; good dialogue, details engaging without being overpowering and you have several good metaphors and similes sprinkled throughout, nice job.
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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You have done a nice job with this writing; good dialogue, details engaging without being overpowering and you have several good metaphors and similes sprinkled throughout, nice job.
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Hi, Chris. Thank you for your generous review. I really appreciate your kind remarks and interest. Warm regards, Bev
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You're welcome, Bev. :)
Comment from c_lucas
It looks like things are getting a little out of hand, This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
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reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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It looks like things are getting a little out of hand, This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Thank you much, charlie. Bev
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You're welcome, Bev. Charlie
Comment from Rob Caudle
Well done my friend the only problem I have with your work here is I want to read more now don't I sound like a petulant child and what is Ms burke up to. you us give a bit more intrigue. I love the cup of sludge done that more then once just another really good chapter, Bev.
Rob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Well done my friend the only problem I have with your work here is I want to read more now don't I sound like a petulant child and what is Ms burke up to. you us give a bit more intrigue. I love the cup of sludge done that more then once just another really good chapter, Bev.
Rob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-May-2012
reply by the author on 14-May-2012
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Thank you, Rob. Sure appreciate this great review and your support. I'll post another one a little sooner this time, so you shouldn't have to wait too long LOL! You're the best! Bev
