Oils and Dreams
flash fiction contest16 total reviews
Comment from DALLAS01
I like the first person narrative. You have packed a lot of information and an in depth look into your protagonist's personality in this short story. I wonder if the reason he feels he never belonged is because he denied his own heritage?
Both of us (wereweeping) need a space here.
reply by the author on 11-May-2012
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I like the first person narrative. You have packed a lot of information and an in depth look into your protagonist's personality in this short story. I wonder if the reason he feels he never belonged is because he denied his own heritage?
Both of us (wereweeping) need a space here.
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 11-May-2012
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Caught the spag. I'm not so sure it's about denying his heritage as denying his artistic nature and forcing him into a repetitious action on the assembly line, denying his true passion, settling.
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I see that now. I honed in on the insisted name change. I know that is often done. My ex was on Ellis Island. Ended up in Wheeling because it was the first bus out.
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Got married for the 1st time because 'he' was handy..lol
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yea, right
Comment from Kivak
A very interesting and sad story. But it is one that is full of emotion and I can definitely appreciate the time and energy it takes to pure that emotion into a piece. It is a beautiful, albeit sorrowful, work.
This is well beyond my caliber of work, so I will give you a 5 star for a flawless and emotional work.
Thanks for sharing it with us!
-Kivak
reply by the author on 11-May-2012
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A very interesting and sad story. But it is one that is full of emotion and I can definitely appreciate the time and energy it takes to pure that emotion into a piece. It is a beautiful, albeit sorrowful, work.
This is well beyond my caliber of work, so I will give you a 5 star for a flawless and emotional work.
Thanks for sharing it with us!
-Kivak
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 11-May-2012
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I appreciate your generous rating.
Comment from gifted$1
I thought this was very well done. His recounting of his life and then at the end to be bedridden and unable to speak..sad! There was only one sentence that I had to read over again so I could get it..we found each other in the coffee shop..it just seemed long to me, and with all the commas, it was hard for me to keep straight where that long sentence was going. I have done the same thing myself until I read what I have written outloud. Many times when I do that, I will 'hear' where I might be making the reader fatigued. Commas are fine, sentences that are longer are okay, but a variety of sentences..long/short are good too. The storyline is great. I enjoyed it. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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I thought this was very well done. His recounting of his life and then at the end to be bedridden and unable to speak..sad! There was only one sentence that I had to read over again so I could get it..we found each other in the coffee shop..it just seemed long to me, and with all the commas, it was hard for me to keep straight where that long sentence was going. I have done the same thing myself until I read what I have written outloud. Many times when I do that, I will 'hear' where I might be making the reader fatigued. Commas are fine, sentences that are longer are okay, but a variety of sentences..long/short are good too. The storyline is great. I enjoyed it. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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I appreciate the response ans suggestion. Will make a correction.
Comment from ridinaround
Oooooh, tears. How wonderful to step inside someone else and relay the feelings. Nicely done, emotions are difficult to put into words, with his words, you succeeded.
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Oooooh, tears. How wonderful to step inside someone else and relay the feelings. Nicely done, emotions are difficult to put into words, with his words, you succeeded.
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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If we can do that with all characters, even when we wake in the morning we will feel, smell and hear messages that come to us in the wind.
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I just finished a book with dark characters based on real people and found myself expressing things I would never have done by myself. Almost every day I go outside and listen to the wind.
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the muse has caught your attention...some of it may be painful..but worthwhile.
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The muse with me is usually a comic, sometimes, she is more serious. Check out my goofy and thoughtful writings.
Comment from Bobbi22
From the insanity of the life he was dealt that led him to America to living his life for his loved ones to his deathbed, where he still sees the possibility of dreams. Very well written story. Good luck in the contest.
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reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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From the insanity of the life he was dealt that led him to America to living his life for his loved ones to his deathbed, where he still sees the possibility of dreams. Very well written story. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Thanks. Do you think there comes a time in life where a person feels he has sabbotaged his own potential and uses the terms of his birth as the excuse/reason?
Comment from CHarte
That was wonderful. It is well written, pulling the reader along with your words. I found no errors and wish you luck in the contest.
Collette
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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That was wonderful. It is well written, pulling the reader along with your words. I found no errors and wish you luck in the contest.
Collette
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-May-2012
reply by the author on 10-May-2012
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Thank you for reading and responding.
