Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 65 "part one, Chapter 20"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
71 total reviews
Comment from AprilShower
Very good, Barbara. This is well written. I have only one question. How could Anna walk through the recovery room door if she is in a coma? That's the only thing I noticed. :o) April
Guess that's my fault, Barbara. I didn't notice the quotation mark. I didn't get enough sleep last night. So I was a little groggy.
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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Very good, Barbara. This is well written. I have only one question. How could Anna walk through the recovery room door if she is in a coma? That's the only thing I noticed. :o) April
Guess that's my fault, Barbara. I didn't notice the quotation mark. I didn't get enough sleep last night. So I was a little groggy.
Comment Written 06-May-2012
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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I didn't know Anna did walk through the doors. I thought it was a nurse, but I will check it out to make sure I was clear.
Comment from Gungalo
This really is a great story and now Anna finds that she is loved so much. Her injuries are many and it will take a lot of getting over. Hopefully she will do it.
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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This really is a great story and now Anna finds that she is loved so much. Her injuries are many and it will take a lot of getting over. Hopefully she will do it.
Comment Written 06-May-2012
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
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So very wonderfully written Barbara.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, barbara, you did a great job writing this chapter where troy learns that bobby, slim and ted were running a chop shop and selling marijuana, anna comes through her surgery but is in a coma and troy tells anna that he loves her.
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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this is very well written, barbara, you did a great job writing this chapter where troy learns that bobby, slim and ted were running a chop shop and selling marijuana, anna comes through her surgery but is in a coma and troy tells anna that he loves her.
Comment Written 06-May-2012
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sloegin
A lot of information in this section of a chapter. Everything seems to fall into place.
4th paragraph, "As teenager" to "As a teenager"
The line,"I have more news to tell you" maybe, "That's just the beginning"
Stolen cars stripped and parts sold, growing marijuana, cooking white lightning? Sounds like too much of an undertaking for just three guys.
Your sentence, "As you might know, she may be able to hear you" doesn't really make sense, even with keep your comments positive, following it.
In Troy's thoughts the word "bastard" is used twice and too close together.
Little thing like these are easily changed without affecting your voice.
Sloegin
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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A lot of information in this section of a chapter. Everything seems to fall into place.
4th paragraph, "As teenager" to "As a teenager"
The line,"I have more news to tell you" maybe, "That's just the beginning"
Stolen cars stripped and parts sold, growing marijuana, cooking white lightning? Sounds like too much of an undertaking for just three guys.
Your sentence, "As you might know, she may be able to hear you" doesn't really make sense, even with keep your comments positive, following it.
In Troy's thoughts the word "bastard" is used twice and too close together.
Little thing like these are easily changed without affecting your voice.
Sloegin
Comment Written 06-May-2012
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I appreciate the help.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This s very well written characters bought to life in such a way that your readers can share there feelings of anxiety as they wait for news of Anna you can also feel Troy's anger hatred and his love for Anna well done regards Fuller Jill
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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This s very well written characters bought to life in such a way that your readers can share there feelings of anxiety as they wait for news of Anna you can also feel Troy's anger hatred and his love for Anna well done regards Fuller Jill
Comment Written 06-May-2012
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara ....
This is an interesting and well-written chapter which I enjoyed reading and there are just a few small changes recommended ...
* You have - They stared toward the recovery room double doors and crept toward them. To avoid repetition (toward) I suggest ... Staring at the double-doors of the recovery room, they made their way slowly towards them ....
* You have - As teenager ... I suggest - As a teenager ...
* You have - "Let's sit. I suggest .. "Let's sit here.
* You have - shook his head as he sat. ... I suggest -
as he sat down ...
* You have - Troy, sit. That is a command given to a Dog.
I suggest - Troy, sit here and try to relax.
* You have - surrounded by a field corn ... I think you mean - by a field of corn ....
Now, I look forward to the next chapter.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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Hullo Barbara ....
This is an interesting and well-written chapter which I enjoyed reading and there are just a few small changes recommended ...
* You have - They stared toward the recovery room double doors and crept toward them. To avoid repetition (toward) I suggest ... Staring at the double-doors of the recovery room, they made their way slowly towards them ....
* You have - As teenager ... I suggest - As a teenager ...
* You have - "Let's sit. I suggest .. "Let's sit here.
* You have - shook his head as he sat. ... I suggest -
as he sat down ...
* You have - Troy, sit. That is a command given to a Dog.
I suggest - Troy, sit here and try to relax.
* You have - surrounded by a field corn ... I think you mean - by a field of corn ....
Now, I look forward to the next chapter.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 06-May-2012
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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Thank you for your kind review and suggestions.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Oh, this ending is so
touching with Troy speaking
of his feelings to the unconscious
Anna - poor girl.
come back to me.(")
And an illegal still?? - is the "an" needed?
Margaret
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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Oh, this ending is so
touching with Troy speaking
of his feelings to the unconscious
Anna - poor girl.
come back to me.(")
And an illegal still?? - is the "an" needed?
Margaret
Comment Written 06-May-2012
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. I am not sure about the 'an' myself. I will try it without it. Thank you for the eagle eye.
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi Barb, i was about to log off and turn in for the night. but seeing your post i couldn't resist a last read. good ending. has troy confessed his feelings to anna before? can't recall now. hope she'll recover well. :)
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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Hi Barb, i was about to log off and turn in for the night. but seeing your post i couldn't resist a last read. good ending. has troy confessed his feelings to anna before? can't recall now. hope she'll recover well. :)
Comment Written 06-May-2012
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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No, Troy has not confessed his feelings before. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robina1978
They were worried sick for hours, but the code was never for Anna. Now she is stable, but still unconscious. Wonder what the Doctor is going to tell them later. Maybe that it will take time; another option could be coma due to psychological trauma-just guessing.
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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They were worried sick for hours, but the code was never for Anna. Now she is stable, but still unconscious. Wonder what the Doctor is going to tell them later. Maybe that it will take time; another option could be coma due to psychological trauma-just guessing.
Comment Written 06-May-2012
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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I think your insights might be correct. Thank you for the kind review.
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Some knowledge of these situations-LOL.
Comment from Janie King
Snowbal, my cat, a 20 pounder, gets up on the desk and sits right in the middle so I can't get to my keyboard..he even has the nerve to take a nap an snooze for 2-30 minutes. This is good chapter, at least the girl is trill alive..she should revoer quickly, hopefully after learning her X is dead and his buddies will be in prison. God bless.
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reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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Snowbal, my cat, a 20 pounder, gets up on the desk and sits right in the middle so I can't get to my keyboard..he even has the nerve to take a nap an snooze for 2-30 minutes. This is good chapter, at least the girl is trill alive..she should revoer quickly, hopefully after learning her X is dead and his buddies will be in prison. God bless.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-May-2012
reply by the author on 06-May-2012
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My older female, likes to sit between me and the screen. Thank you for the kind reviewl.
