Poetry, Dreams In Motion.
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Watchers"A collection of poetry.
24 total reviews
Comment from Sue-z-Q
Hi Ricouard:
Since you reviewed Cub Scout Campout for me I thought I'd review something of yours.
I really like this poem because it offers such vivid descriptions and the rhyme enhances it. I think it might be easier to read if each verse was separated so your hard work is more clearly seem. Hope to see more beautiful pieces like this from you.
Sue-z-Q
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2007
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Hi Ricouard:
Since you reviewed Cub Scout Campout for me I thought I'd review something of yours.
I really like this poem because it offers such vivid descriptions and the rhyme enhances it. I think it might be easier to read if each verse was separated so your hard work is more clearly seem. Hope to see more beautiful pieces like this from you.
Sue-z-Q
Comment Written 18-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2007
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Why thank you! I'm so glad that you took the time to read and review some of my work. A lot of people on here don't think to do that after you have reviewed theres. That you took the time means a lot to me. Thank you again :-D
Comment from silvenechoes
Oh, I love what you've said here. A pact between the stars and flowers to watch mankind's doings. How original! :) Your rhyme and rhythm are very good, but a few lines have some slight metrical hiccups. Lines 3, 8, 11, 12, "Over hill and prairies, field and lawn," "Still they watch from reddening dawn," "And each flower tells a single tale," "And with all their light discover," and "The murderer's heart, the cheater's smile." I wouldn't point each and every one out, except that I think you're good enough to fix them, and this poem is way too good to be held down by a few metrics. :)
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Oh, I love what you've said here. A pact between the stars and flowers to watch mankind's doings. How original! :) Your rhyme and rhythm are very good, but a few lines have some slight metrical hiccups. Lines 3, 8, 11, 12, "Over hill and prairies, field and lawn," "Still they watch from reddening dawn," "And each flower tells a single tale," "And with all their light discover," and "The murderer's heart, the cheater's smile." I wouldn't point each and every one out, except that I think you're good enough to fix them, and this poem is way too good to be held down by a few metrics. :)
Comment Written 23-Mar-2005
Comment from elizabethpryde
I rather enjoyed this poem full of mystery and the watchers are I presume the stars and the flowers. A very different approach to telling us a story of deceit and murder. very well done. good angle to poetry......elizabethpryde
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I rather enjoyed this poem full of mystery and the watchers are I presume the stars and the flowers. A very different approach to telling us a story of deceit and murder. very well done. good angle to poetry......elizabethpryde
Comment Written 21-Mar-2005
Comment from sengwriter
Nice a realization that is expressed through your poem. I liked the idea of we being observed under a vigilant watch of the stars up above the sky. Nice to go through this poem and thank you for sharing.
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Nice a realization that is expressed through your poem. I liked the idea of we being observed under a vigilant watch of the stars up above the sky. Nice to go through this poem and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2005
Comment from Jadxia
The tale the flowers tell, what a wonderful explanation of the colors in their petals. I love the line about the what the patient stars discover. Thanks for sharing with us!
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The tale the flowers tell, what a wonderful explanation of the colors in their petals. I love the line about the what the patient stars discover. Thanks for sharing with us!
Comment Written 28-Feb-2005
Comment from Rune
Rings true all the way. Feelings of doom and desolation. A poem to be remembered to the end of time for insight in the minds of men. It comes out there is more than the stars to see all deeds god and bad.
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Rings true all the way. Feelings of doom and desolation. A poem to be remembered to the end of time for insight in the minds of men. It comes out there is more than the stars to see all deeds god and bad.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2005
Comment from Kingsland
this has a beautiful silky smooth flow
i love your rhyming pattern
and the poem itself is terrific
i enjoyed it from top to bottom
thank you
...................John
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this has a beautiful silky smooth flow
i love your rhyming pattern
and the poem itself is terrific
i enjoyed it from top to bottom
thank you
...................John
Comment Written 28-Feb-2005
Comment from tgeoff
A poem it is. Well paced, nice imagery. Everything a poem should be.
They try to shut their saddened eyes,
But O' the vain endeavor!
We see them twinkling in the skies,
And so they wink forever.
Great job
Ciao
Geoff
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A poem it is. Well paced, nice imagery. Everything a poem should be.
They try to shut their saddened eyes,
But O' the vain endeavor!
We see them twinkling in the skies,
And so they wink forever.
Great job
Ciao
Geoff
Comment Written 27-Feb-2005
Comment from L K Pinaire
I enjoyed this. The Watchers. Everything they see isn't bad. There's a lot of good in life. I thought your rhymes were excellent and the meter was quite good.
Keep writing,
Larry
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I enjoyed this. The Watchers. Everything they see isn't bad. There's a lot of good in life. I thought your rhymes were excellent and the meter was quite good.
Keep writing,
Larry
Comment Written 27-Feb-2005
Comment from Lainee
Hi Ricouard,
I love the use of word imagery throughout this poem. It was pretty, delightful and so very refreshing to read.
The only thing for me was the final four lines, they didn't seem to wind up your poem with the same strength you have used throughout. I was not expecting it to end when it did.
Goodluck with this,
Lainee :)
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Hi Ricouard,
I love the use of word imagery throughout this poem. It was pretty, delightful and so very refreshing to read.
The only thing for me was the final four lines, they didn't seem to wind up your poem with the same strength you have used throughout. I was not expecting it to end when it did.
Goodluck with this,
Lainee :)
Comment Written 27-Feb-2005
