The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Prologue "Good News and Bad News"A family learns their father is a serial killer
20 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is another really good post.
"I am so sorry to hear that. She is an amazingly strong woman, and I am sure she will be fine," (period after fine. I would think Mac would talk with contractions....)
"Can't fool you can I?" (comma after you)
Angela spoke. "Would you guys like some privacy?" (comma after spoke)
Mac smiled, "No there is nothing you can't hear." (period after smiled)
reply by the author on 05-May-2012
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This is another really good post.
"I am so sorry to hear that. She is an amazingly strong woman, and I am sure she will be fine," (period after fine. I would think Mac would talk with contractions....)
"Can't fool you can I?" (comma after you)
Angela spoke. "Would you guys like some privacy?" (comma after spoke)
Mac smiled, "No there is nothing you can't hear." (period after smiled)
Comment Written 04-May-2012
reply by the author on 05-May-2012
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Thanks for catching the spags. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from Deejharrington
With my internet being down, I have missed a few chapters. With Alfina's courage and strength, I'm sure she will accept the outcome of the surgery and learning to walk again with the same force.
I hope she is as strong as she appears, to get through the cross examination.
deb
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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With my internet being down, I have missed a few chapters. With Alfina's courage and strength, I'm sure she will accept the outcome of the surgery and learning to walk again with the same force.
I hope she is as strong as she appears, to get through the cross examination.
deb
Comment Written 03-May-2012
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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Exactly. She is a force to be reckoned with.
Comment from RebelRose
Grandmother is so cute the way she shares her new-found Bible knowledge mixed with her own common sense and child-like hunger to learn more. Another great chapter. I worry about how she'll do in cross-examination.
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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Grandmother is so cute the way she shares her new-found Bible knowledge mixed with her own common sense and child-like hunger to learn more. Another great chapter. I worry about how she'll do in cross-examination.
Comment Written 03-May-2012
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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Yes, she is a real charmer. I just love her.
Comment from bob cullen
Just caught up with the past four chapters. Your writing really is up there with John Grisham. Your characters are superbly drawn and your story reads as real.
I just hope your health is as strong as your writing.
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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Just caught up with the past four chapters. Your writing really is up there with John Grisham. Your characters are superbly drawn and your story reads as real.
I just hope your health is as strong as your writing.
Comment Written 03-May-2012
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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Thanks. | am pleased you liked this one.
Comment from rtobaygo
REALISTIC DIALOGUE WITH THE INTRODUCTION OF CONFLICT INTO THE LIVES OF TWO PROTAGONIST,, FROM THE DECISION TO AMPUTATE AFINIA'S FOOT TO JAMES KNOWING HE'LL HAVE TO PREPARE FOR HIS GRANDMOTHER FOR THE TRIAL.
CHARACTERS AND DIALOGUE HELP MOVE NOVEL'S PLOT ALONG ALONG WITH THE INTERACTION BETWEEN CHARACTERS.
The nurse turned and walked back toward the(SPACING)
operating room then turned back and looked at me. "The operation will take one or two more hours, and she will be in recovery fo
When I told Mac about the amputation, his concern(SPACING)
appeared sincere. "I am so sorry to hear that. She is an amazingly strong woman, and I am sure she will be fine,"
TAKE CARE,
RAY
reply by the author on 02-May-2012
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REALISTIC DIALOGUE WITH THE INTRODUCTION OF CONFLICT INTO THE LIVES OF TWO PROTAGONIST,, FROM THE DECISION TO AMPUTATE AFINIA'S FOOT TO JAMES KNOWING HE'LL HAVE TO PREPARE FOR HIS GRANDMOTHER FOR THE TRIAL.
CHARACTERS AND DIALOGUE HELP MOVE NOVEL'S PLOT ALONG ALONG WITH THE INTERACTION BETWEEN CHARACTERS.
The nurse turned and walked back toward the(SPACING)
operating room then turned back and looked at me. "The operation will take one or two more hours, and she will be in recovery fo
When I told Mac about the amputation, his concern(SPACING)
appeared sincere. "I am so sorry to hear that. She is an amazingly strong woman, and I am sure she will be fine,"
TAKE CARE,
RAY
Comment Written 02-May-2012
reply by the author on 02-May-2012
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Thanks for catching the spags. I am so pleased that you like this story.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
so sad that poor Alfina is going to be
grilled on the stand after all she's
been through over the years... it might
set her back a bit.
his love for - csp H for His
Did you know he has angels that help him fight - cap H for He and Him and whenever referring to God
when he send - sent unless deliberate
Margaret
reply by the author on 02-May-2012
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so sad that poor Alfina is going to be
grilled on the stand after all she's
been through over the years... it might
set her back a bit.
his love for - csp H for His
Did you know he has angels that help him fight - cap H for He and Him and whenever referring to God
when he send - sent unless deliberate
Margaret
Comment Written 02-May-2012
reply by the author on 02-May-2012
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Thank you for catching the spags. I think Alfina will surprise everyone with her strength.
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Smurphy
Another absorbing chapter.
Alfina certainly has made a huge difference to your story. Quite a dominate character. Although James is still making decisions far above his age group.
Ron
reply by the author on 02-May-2012
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Hi Smurphy
Another absorbing chapter.
Alfina certainly has made a huge difference to your story. Quite a dominate character. Although James is still making decisions far above his age group.
Ron
Comment Written 02-May-2012
reply by the author on 02-May-2012
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I just love Alfina. Yes, she has been an important addition to this story.
Comment from Belinda
I really enjoy the clarity in which you (through Alfina) describe the situation. I think by inserting this character your story becomes so much richer than before. I'm glad I follow this story from the first and second time round.
reply by the author on 02-May-2012
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I really enjoy the clarity in which you (through Alfina) describe the situation. I think by inserting this character your story becomes so much richer than before. I'm glad I follow this story from the first and second time round.
Comment Written 02-May-2012
reply by the author on 02-May-2012
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Yes, she has been an important addition to this story.
Comment from Joan E.
I liked your explanation about Grandmother's improving English and her being like "an innocent child." It was amazing that everyone looked to James to make the decision to amputate and sad that Grandmother is going to have to go through a lot more "hell" before this story ends! -Joan
reply by the author on 02-May-2012
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I liked your explanation about Grandmother's improving English and her being like "an innocent child." It was amazing that everyone looked to James to make the decision to amputate and sad that Grandmother is going to have to go through a lot more "hell" before this story ends! -Joan
Comment Written 02-May-2012
reply by the author on 02-May-2012
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Thank you. Alfina is an amazing character and a lot like James.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
Another fine chapter that needs a six-star rating even with suggested changes, as listed below:
1. Suddenly Susan spoke. "Okay now that we have thoroughly depressed everyone, can we talk about something more uplifting?"
Mom quickly responded. "Yes, we wanted to tell you that you are welcome to stay with us when you are released from the hospital. There is plenty of room, and we would love to have you with us." {I think you need a better transition between these paragraphs. Mon is supposedly responding to Susan, but the response is directed toward Grandmother, i don't know exactly hoe to fix this.]
2 Listening to Grandmother talk, I couldn't help [but] notice how much better her English was. {I think you need to add the word but for correct grammar. Otherwise it sounds like an error Grandmother would make.]
The need for amputation is obvious, but one that would be hard to make for someone else. I think you handled it perfectly.
The new worry for James is the difficulty live testimony that Grandmother will have to give before her son and the grand jury. Still, I think that John Mathew's goose is cooked.
Love and Irish Hugs.
Roger
reply by the author on 02-May-2012
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Hi Valerie:)
Another fine chapter that needs a six-star rating even with suggested changes, as listed below:
1. Suddenly Susan spoke. "Okay now that we have thoroughly depressed everyone, can we talk about something more uplifting?"
Mom quickly responded. "Yes, we wanted to tell you that you are welcome to stay with us when you are released from the hospital. There is plenty of room, and we would love to have you with us." {I think you need a better transition between these paragraphs. Mon is supposedly responding to Susan, but the response is directed toward Grandmother, i don't know exactly hoe to fix this.]
2 Listening to Grandmother talk, I couldn't help [but] notice how much better her English was. {I think you need to add the word but for correct grammar. Otherwise it sounds like an error Grandmother would make.]
The need for amputation is obvious, but one that would be hard to make for someone else. I think you handled it perfectly.
The new worry for James is the difficulty live testimony that Grandmother will have to give before her son and the grand jury. Still, I think that John Mathew's goose is cooked.
Love and Irish Hugs.
Roger
Comment Written 02-May-2012
reply by the author on 02-May-2012
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Thanks for the suggestions. I'll make the changes. I agree, Grandmother is much stronger than they think, she survived Dark and now she will do just find up against John.
