Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "A Hota Moon, Part 1"Murder Mystery
51 total reviews
Comment from peggles
I thought this chapter was extremely well written a very engrossing style
your writing is so visually described you bring your reader along with each paragraph
I look forward in anticipation for the next chapter
Of this lady detective story
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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I thought this chapter was extremely well written a very engrossing style
your writing is so visually described you bring your reader along with each paragraph
I look forward in anticipation for the next chapter
Of this lady detective story
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thank you very much, peggles. I appreciate your encouragement and generous support! Kind regards, Bev
Comment from robina1978
Interrogating all the neighbours and then this gossipy one last and maybe she did give useful information - who knows. About the cousin and about this unknown secret of the murdered lady. Looking forward to your next chapter.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Interrogating all the neighbours and then this gossipy one last and maybe she did give useful information - who knows. About the cousin and about this unknown secret of the murdered lady. Looking forward to your next chapter.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thank you for reading and reviewing, Ine. I appreciate your generous support! Warm regards, Bev
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Love your work and this book too.
Comment from barkingdog
tree branch which missed, by inches, a collision with Jana's head. May read better as: Roused from a nearby tree branch by the sound of a (train?)whistle, a morning dove nearly collided with Jana's head.
OK high pitched whistle then. I see Dot has the whistle.
Jana['s] pressed (her) fingers
-tall lady(,) and
-my height(,) and ... mile(,)
'... eyes that had become searchlight ... What a great metaphor to use with a police officer!
I wanted to strangle Dot. All that time lost in investigation because she wanted attention. Maddening.
I like this feel of urgency and then frustration while having tea with the 'cat lady.' I could smell and see her and her house. Terribly lonely person who just wanted company and to talk to someone.
So, the key is Debra's secret?
Intrigue, Dot's good police work and kind nature, and a kooky old lady made this chapter a fine read, Bev.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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tree branch which missed, by inches, a collision with Jana's head. May read better as: Roused from a nearby tree branch by the sound of a (train?)whistle, a morning dove nearly collided with Jana's head.
OK high pitched whistle then. I see Dot has the whistle.
Jana['s] pressed (her) fingers
-tall lady(,) and
-my height(,) and ... mile(,)
'... eyes that had become searchlight ... What a great metaphor to use with a police officer!
I wanted to strangle Dot. All that time lost in investigation because she wanted attention. Maddening.
I like this feel of urgency and then frustration while having tea with the 'cat lady.' I could smell and see her and her house. Terribly lonely person who just wanted company and to talk to someone.
So, the key is Debra's secret?
Intrigue, Dot's good police work and kind nature, and a kooky old lady made this chapter a fine read, Bev.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Hi, Ellen. Thanks much for the great review. Another reviewer also mentioned the paragraph about the whistle and once I read your suggested change, I could see it was awkward. So, I appreciate that and the SPAG alerts.
Yes, the secret is the main theme that will play through this mystery. Dot may or may not be back, but I'm glad she's made an impression on the readers.
Now to Father Brian and Sheriff Oleson's interview. Oh, and another murder!
Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Tonulak
You've created an interesting dective figure; a strong woman with Native American roots. an interesting choice. The scene with the "cat lady" was sort of bizzarre and added to the atmosphere. It looks like a strange cse is underfoot. your detective character has a lot of potential. Nice job.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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You've created an interesting dective figure; a strong woman with Native American roots. an interesting choice. The scene with the "cat lady" was sort of bizzarre and added to the atmosphere. It looks like a strange cse is underfoot. your detective character has a lot of potential. Nice job.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Hi, Ted. Thank you for the time you took to reach my chapter and your generous review. Much appreciated! Kind regards, Bev
Comment from WLHall
Very good chapter, didn't see any spags at all. It flowed very well and was interesting. I loved the way you portrayed Mrs. Minski character. Even if she turns out to only be a minor character, you developed her very well. I could just see her with all her cats and acting over the top. Great job.
Wanda
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Very good chapter, didn't see any spags at all. It flowed very well and was interesting. I loved the way you portrayed Mrs. Minski character. Even if she turns out to only be a minor character, you developed her very well. I could just see her with all her cats and acting over the top. Great job.
Wanda
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thank you very much, Wanda. It's good to hear the pacing was successful. Dot may or may not return at some point, but I had fun writing about her. A combination of two of my maternal aunts, actually. I sure appreciate your generosity and support, my friend. Hugs, Bev
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did a great job writing this chapter of the book where the detective speaks to a neighbor that tells her the victim had a terrible secret
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did a great job writing this chapter of the book where the detective speaks to a neighbor that tells her the victim had a terrible secret
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thank you very kindly for your generous and supportive review, sweetwoodjax. I really appreciate it! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from wan890
I really enjoyed this first part of I'm guessing will be a novel? The story flowed beautifully and the characters very believable. The dialogue seemed natural.
Too much description of the front door of Minski's house (not needed).
The one line "Yes, ma'am, my height and the fact I can run a six-minute mile does have its advantages." That didn't seem like something a policewoman would say to an old lady.
Sorry to nit pick. Apart from those two things, I loved it. It's much better than a lot of published stuff I've read.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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I really enjoyed this first part of I'm guessing will be a novel? The story flowed beautifully and the characters very believable. The dialogue seemed natural.
Too much description of the front door of Minski's house (not needed).
The one line "Yes, ma'am, my height and the fact I can run a six-minute mile does have its advantages." That didn't seem like something a policewoman would say to an old lady.
Sorry to nit pick. Apart from those two things, I loved it. It's much better than a lot of published stuff I've read.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thanks much for your insights and suggestions, wan890. I appreciate that you care enough to mention them. I'll go back and take a look at those sections. Much appreciate your generouse review, as well! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Kate Walker
Hi Bev,
You opened with a nice re-cap on the character of Jana, and a recap of the murder, both swiftly done. And stated a clear character goal for Jana, namely that she was 'desperate for a solid lead'.
The character of Dot was well drawn. She's an individual and interesting in her own right. And the information she gave Jana carried the plot forward. The simple character goal you gave Dot - that of wanting to enjoy her moment in the spot-light - also added momentum to the chapter. It gave Dot a mini plot of her own to work on.
Your lead-in on the character of Dot worked well too, with Jana and the reader thinking this one interview was going to be missed. Nice scene setting in and about Dot's house. The several cats were a colourful addition.
The writing was clear, and included a few dazzlers, such as: 'like a miner pulling gold from a soup of sludge'. You continued to keep the Native American thread running through the narrative which I was pleased to see.
I did find paragraph 3 a little stilted in its language - not your usual clear, natural sounding prose. For the rest, the whole chapter worked very well for me.
Cheers, Kate
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Hi Bev,
You opened with a nice re-cap on the character of Jana, and a recap of the murder, both swiftly done. And stated a clear character goal for Jana, namely that she was 'desperate for a solid lead'.
The character of Dot was well drawn. She's an individual and interesting in her own right. And the information she gave Jana carried the plot forward. The simple character goal you gave Dot - that of wanting to enjoy her moment in the spot-light - also added momentum to the chapter. It gave Dot a mini plot of her own to work on.
Your lead-in on the character of Dot worked well too, with Jana and the reader thinking this one interview was going to be missed. Nice scene setting in and about Dot's house. The several cats were a colourful addition.
The writing was clear, and included a few dazzlers, such as: 'like a miner pulling gold from a soup of sludge'. You continued to keep the Native American thread running through the narrative which I was pleased to see.
I did find paragraph 3 a little stilted in its language - not your usual clear, natural sounding prose. For the rest, the whole chapter worked very well for me.
Cheers, Kate
Comment Written 11-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Hi, Kate. I really appreciate your thorough and helpful review. Another reviewer mentioned that same paragraph, so I've gone back and changed it with the suggestions in mind. Thanks for that! And, I really appreciate you mentioning what you felt worked in the chapter. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from elgone
The story is well written and holds interest throughout. The conversation between the Dot and Jana is convincing and advances the plot as the detective attempts to navigate a minefield of cats to learn anything Dot knows.
E
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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The story is well written and holds interest throughout. The conversation between the Dot and Jana is convincing and advances the plot as the detective attempts to navigate a minefield of cats to learn anything Dot knows.
E
Comment Written 11-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thank you, E. I sure appreciate your interest in following my book. And thank you for your generous review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from IndianaIrish
What a wonderful character Dot is, Bev, and your descriptions of her and her dialogue make her a fun and very interesting character. I'm loving this book!
Karyn :>)
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2012
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What a wonderful character Dot is, Bev, and your descriptions of her and her dialogue make her a fun and very interesting character. I'm loving this book!
Karyn :>)
Comment Written 11-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much, Karyn. I'm glad you liked Dot. I'm trying to build my character development skills, so I had some fun with writing this chapter. Now it's time to find out more about Debra's cause of death and the interview with Father Brian. I appreciate your support and your generosity! Hugs, Bev
