Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "A Hota Moon, Part 1"Murder Mystery
51 total reviews
Comment from rheabug
This is a very interesting story. You made the characters become alive for this presentation. I enjoyed it to the stopping point. I will look forward to reading more. Blessings, Linda
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2012
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This is a very interesting story. You made the characters become alive for this presentation. I enjoyed it to the stopping point. I will look forward to reading more. Blessings, Linda
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2012
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Thank you, Linda, for your excellent review. I really appreciate the interest and support! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from wordsfromsue
Great chapter Bev, although we don't seem to know any more about Debra's killer. Except that her neighbor loves an audience and can't smell the cat wee! Good atmosphere and surrounding characters fill in. The neighbor probably knows something that she doesn't realize yet she knows. The niece is probably just an annoying relative.
Anxiously awaiting next chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Great chapter Bev, although we don't seem to know any more about Debra's killer. Except that her neighbor loves an audience and can't smell the cat wee! Good atmosphere and surrounding characters fill in. The neighbor probably knows something that she doesn't realize yet she knows. The niece is probably just an annoying relative.
Anxiously awaiting next chapter. :-)
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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A very good point, sue. Plan to get into that more in the next chapter. Thanks for your great review! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from LAFraser
Oh, I just wanna spank that old lady's patout! GRRR Hahaha Reminds me of my Mama, she does.
This is an excellent chapter.
It's always a pleasure reading your work, my friend.
Love,
Lisa
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Oh, I just wanna spank that old lady's patout! GRRR Hahaha Reminds me of my Mama, she does.
This is an excellent chapter.
It's always a pleasure reading your work, my friend.
Love,
Lisa
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thankee ma'am. Dot's actually a combination of two of my great aunts - one was a terrible gossip and the other one had the shoulder hump. I'm not sure if Dot will be back, but she seems to have made an impression LOL!
Thank you so much for your extremely generous and kind review, Lisa. I am honored that you liked my story.
Love, Bev
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I am loving this story! Keep it coming. I know easier said than done. They come when they come and as the characters dictate. ;D I think she'll be back.
Big hugs, honey.
~Lisa
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Thank you, lovely lady! You are so right :) Xxx Bev
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You're welcome. :)
xox~Lisa
Comment from JW
This is a well written chapter. No obvious spags found. And it does flow smoothly and holds a reader's interest.
In reading this, I also became aware that I must have missed a chapter or so, somehow.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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This is a well written chapter. No obvious spags found. And it does flow smoothly and holds a reader's interest.
In reading this, I also became aware that I must have missed a chapter or so, somehow.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thank you for your kind and generous review, Jonathon. I appreciate the support! Bev
Comment from Showboat
I really liked this one very much. Great insight into the way different cultures view the elderly, for one thing. And isn't it funny how some women get that way when they age.
Loved it, love Dot, even loved that cat that shot out of her sewingbag.
Excellent visuals, no spaggies did I see!
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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I really liked this one very much. Great insight into the way different cultures view the elderly, for one thing. And isn't it funny how some women get that way when they age.
Loved it, love Dot, even loved that cat that shot out of her sewingbag.
Excellent visuals, no spaggies did I see!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much, Gayle. I really appreciate your supportive and generous review.
I loved creating Dot - she's a combination of two of my maternal aunts. As a kid I was pretty creeped out by the one aunt's kyphosis, but now I realize how hard that must have been for her.
Warm regards, my friend.
Xxx Bev
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Bev, your writing is most impressive - you draw the reader in and leave them wanting more. Descriptive and intriguing.
what is a patout? Presumably her bottom, but I had to ask as i've never heard the word before.
to lay the [the] ground-work - lose
All in all, most enjoyable and deserving of a six.
Margaret
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Bev, your writing is most impressive - you draw the reader in and leave them wanting more. Descriptive and intriguing.
what is a patout? Presumably her bottom, but I had to ask as i've never heard the word before.
to lay the [the] ground-work - lose
All in all, most enjoyable and deserving of a six.
Margaret
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Hello, Margaret. I can't express adequately how honored I am to receive your wonderful and generous review. Thank you for supporting me in such a beautiful way. I have learned a great deal by reading your novels and 'sitting at your feet'.
You are correct. Patout is the backside. I think maybe it came from my French side of the family.
Thanks again!
Warmest regards, Bev
P.S. The spaggie has been corrected, as well.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
I am just blown away by the strength of your writing, Bev. This was another great chapter. The flow is phenomenal. Your characters are strong, stay true, and are very believable.
You have a very impressive muse, it seems. A few things, take or leave - makes little difference if any to the quality of your work.
Detective Jana Burke possessed a golden talent for combining pointed questions with purposeful silence to incite criminals to confess. - Just a suggestion, Bev, because I'm not sure. But would 'of' work better than for?
She'd carried the virus of fear into the homes of Debra Padget's neighbors, and her presence represented the sickening realization the bogeyman had materialized in their own back yards. - Brilliant writing, my friend. I'd actually consider losing the 'and' and making this two sentences. That final one then becomes a statement on its own. Stronger, perhaps? Just a suggestion, mind.
In fact, Dot Minski had a passion for true-crime novels, and believed herself attuned to the thoughts of the investigator. Before the arrival of the policewoman, Dot's gossip-buddy, Mildred Stanton, had informed her of Debra Padget's murder. Afterwards, Dot scoured her memories of past conversations with the victim, and finally, like a miner pulling gold from a soup of sludge, recalled an odd conversation. - This is a POV shift. It may be intentional, but thought I'd mention it.
Oh, I just love the infusions of Native wisdom and thought. Gets my blood all warmed up!
The tote dropped to the floor, disgorging a black and white feline who screamed in surprise, then shot out of sight. - HAHA! Fantastic visual. Excellent!
The old lady paused to take a bite of her bread and a sip of tea. She had a faraway look in her eyes which Jana suspected was all for show. - See, right here, I want to shake the woman! Great build up of tension, Bev.
Can't give you a six yet. But you've got the extra star in my mind, and then some.
NEXT!
Love Av
x
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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I am just blown away by the strength of your writing, Bev. This was another great chapter. The flow is phenomenal. Your characters are strong, stay true, and are very believable.
You have a very impressive muse, it seems. A few things, take or leave - makes little difference if any to the quality of your work.
Detective Jana Burke possessed a golden talent for combining pointed questions with purposeful silence to incite criminals to confess. - Just a suggestion, Bev, because I'm not sure. But would 'of' work better than for?
She'd carried the virus of fear into the homes of Debra Padget's neighbors, and her presence represented the sickening realization the bogeyman had materialized in their own back yards. - Brilliant writing, my friend. I'd actually consider losing the 'and' and making this two sentences. That final one then becomes a statement on its own. Stronger, perhaps? Just a suggestion, mind.
In fact, Dot Minski had a passion for true-crime novels, and believed herself attuned to the thoughts of the investigator. Before the arrival of the policewoman, Dot's gossip-buddy, Mildred Stanton, had informed her of Debra Padget's murder. Afterwards, Dot scoured her memories of past conversations with the victim, and finally, like a miner pulling gold from a soup of sludge, recalled an odd conversation. - This is a POV shift. It may be intentional, but thought I'd mention it.
Oh, I just love the infusions of Native wisdom and thought. Gets my blood all warmed up!
The tote dropped to the floor, disgorging a black and white feline who screamed in surprise, then shot out of sight. - HAHA! Fantastic visual. Excellent!
The old lady paused to take a bite of her bread and a sip of tea. She had a faraway look in her eyes which Jana suspected was all for show. - See, right here, I want to shake the woman! Great build up of tension, Bev.
Can't give you a six yet. But you've got the extra star in my mind, and then some.
NEXT!
Love Av
x
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thanks so much for this awesome reviev, Av. Wonderful reviewer that you are, you pinpointed two wobbly areas for me. I've changed them both due to your very helpful suggestions and like them better now. I so appreciate the way you take such time and care in looking at the works of other writers like me. I'm honored by your generosity and wish for an extra star! But, as always, it's your words of encouragement and support that mean so much. Love, Bev
Comment from Doc Holiday
I could almost smell this lady's home as she open the door with the smell of cats in the air. What a colorful character you have described. Never heard the term patout before...
I think Dot has more than a dit to share here...maybe we'll find out in the next chapter, right, Bev?
Nicely done, leaving your reader to question and want more than just another bite of bread and sip of tea...
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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I could almost smell this lady's home as she open the door with the smell of cats in the air. What a colorful character you have described. Never heard the term patout before...
I think Dot has more than a dit to share here...maybe we'll find out in the next chapter, right, Bev?
Nicely done, leaving your reader to question and want more than just another bite of bread and sip of tea...
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Hi, Doc. Always glad to provide a new word to toss around LOL. I appreciate your support for the chapter and your generous review. Now we're going to head back to the interview with Sheriff Oleson and Father Brian. Take care, Bev
Comment from Tina55
Great start, Bev.
I like Jana and her complexities.
She punted pine cones while mentally rehearsing her report of failure for Sheriff Oleson. (I love this line! I punt pine cones all the time, and thanks to you, I know have a cool name for it!!)
Dot is cute. I love Jana's insight into this woman via her body language, speech, her home. Dot's methodical reaction to hearing about Debra's murder is almost cold.
Eewww, I hate the smell of cat urine - especially when it's eminating from my flowerbeds. Great way to make me cringe! It's not that I don't like cats, but I have a deadly allergy to them. Thankfully, they seem to know this and avoid me like a plague.
I think I'd rather stand in a place like Dot's. Great, vivid setting, Bev. Makes me want to run home and clean my house!
"Mrs. Minski, do you recall seeing any strangers hanging around the neighborhood or had anyone approach you in a suspicious manner?" Jana kept her eyes on the notebook waiting for Dot Minski to answer. (Okay. As the conversation about Debra hasn't officially started yet, I wonder if there should be some reference to her here, like, the date the Debra died. Or a reference like, do you recall seeing any strangers...in the last few days? Know what I mean?)
Dot switches from amusing lady with cats to busybody once she starts talking about Debra's murder. Nice. Talk about a shit disturber!
Nicely done, Bev. I still don't trust the padre even though you are throwing this in my path!
Love it!
Tina :-)
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Great start, Bev.
I like Jana and her complexities.
She punted pine cones while mentally rehearsing her report of failure for Sheriff Oleson. (I love this line! I punt pine cones all the time, and thanks to you, I know have a cool name for it!!)
Dot is cute. I love Jana's insight into this woman via her body language, speech, her home. Dot's methodical reaction to hearing about Debra's murder is almost cold.
Eewww, I hate the smell of cat urine - especially when it's eminating from my flowerbeds. Great way to make me cringe! It's not that I don't like cats, but I have a deadly allergy to them. Thankfully, they seem to know this and avoid me like a plague.
I think I'd rather stand in a place like Dot's. Great, vivid setting, Bev. Makes me want to run home and clean my house!
"Mrs. Minski, do you recall seeing any strangers hanging around the neighborhood or had anyone approach you in a suspicious manner?" Jana kept her eyes on the notebook waiting for Dot Minski to answer. (Okay. As the conversation about Debra hasn't officially started yet, I wonder if there should be some reference to her here, like, the date the Debra died. Or a reference like, do you recall seeing any strangers...in the last few days? Know what I mean?)
Dot switches from amusing lady with cats to busybody once she starts talking about Debra's murder. Nice. Talk about a shit disturber!
Nicely done, Bev. I still don't trust the padre even though you are throwing this in my path!
Love it!
Tina :-)
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Hi, Tina. Thanks so much for this awesome review. I think your suggestion in that question line is a good one - I think it was there originally but I edited it out for some reason - makes sense. I so appreciate you letting me know what parts of the chapter worked better than others.
My Dot Minski is a compilation of two of my great aunts. One of them did have a buffalo hump, and it always sort of creeped me out as a kid. Of course, now I feel sorry for anyone with that problem. And, I too, am allergic to cats. My dad who used to clean carpets for a living said there was no product that could ever really clean carpeting of cat urine.
Thanks again, girlfriend!
Love ya, Bev
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No problem, Bev! It would have been a sixer if my hands hadn't been tied...:-)
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Hey, that's so kind of you, Tina. I appreciate the thought ... xxx Bev
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Bev
A beautifully written account.
You have described the old woman Dot in such astounding detail.
There's a real atmospheric tension when Jana and Dot are engaged in conversation. A feeling that something nasty is going to happen.
Ron xox
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Hi Bev
A beautifully written account.
You have described the old woman Dot in such astounding detail.
There's a real atmospheric tension when Jana and Dot are engaged in conversation. A feeling that something nasty is going to happen.
Ron xox
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thanks so much, Ron. I really appreciate your support and generosity - means a great deal to me. Back to the Sheriff and Father Brian next. Xxx Bev
