Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Murphy's Bar"A collection of my poems
50 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
You've definitely answered the prompt's challenge well
strong use of rhyming couplets
good steady cadence
I am laughing my head off at all the sweet pet names they use even when they are starting to get testy with each other LOL
Great insults
I'm nearly dying with the Munchausen line
This is hilarious and clever and well composed :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
  |
You've definitely answered the prompt's challenge well
strong use of rhyming couplets
good steady cadence
I am laughing my head off at all the sweet pet names they use even when they are starting to get testy with each other LOL
Great insults
I'm nearly dying with the Munchausen line
This is hilarious and clever and well composed :-) Brooke
Comment Written 09-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
-
Thank you, Brooke.
Glad you got a laugh out of my bit of fun - maybe they deserved each other really...
Comment from patsypats
This is to funny. I love your rhyming scheme and the flow is so smooth and easy to follow. Your choice of words have brought out vivid imagery and has been absorbed well:)
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
|
This is to funny. I love your rhyming scheme and the flow is so smooth and easy to follow. Your choice of words have brought out vivid imagery and has been absorbed well:)
Comment Written 09-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
-
Thanks. Glad you enjoyed my bit of fun. I started with the idea of gradually changing from lovey-dovey to vitriolic.
Comment from rhymelord
Dear ???,
Pounding (no pun intended) iambic heptameter and superb couplet rhyming drives this very funny poem to its ultimate punchline. Good luck in the comp. This has got to be a top contender.
Regards
Reg
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
|
Dear ???,
Pounding (no pun intended) iambic heptameter and superb couplet rhyming drives this very funny poem to its ultimate punchline. Good luck in the comp. This has got to be a top contender.
Regards
Reg
Comment Written 09-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
-
Thank you, Reg. Yes, it is doing OK in the contest, thanks. I reckon you could have a stab at who the mystery author is if you put your mind to it...
Comment from missy98writer
Poet,
I love is delightfully written with strong imagery, good flow and a clear message. Great metaphor and alliteration enhancing your poem. I love your satirical story poem of man and woman taking. The art work is priceless you used. I liked your cheeky humor and the lines:
"It must have been a short-lived cry, if ecstasy was in it.
As I recall, the whole affair took less than one brief minute.
Impugn my manhood, if you must, but what most makes me grieve
Is the foundless allegation that I would, my life, deceive." I wish you good luck in the Husband and Wife Talking contest with your poem. I'd recommend your poem to other reviewers. You win my vote. Please have a nifty day.
Missy.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
|
Poet,
I love is delightfully written with strong imagery, good flow and a clear message. Great metaphor and alliteration enhancing your poem. I love your satirical story poem of man and woman taking. The art work is priceless you used. I liked your cheeky humor and the lines:
"It must have been a short-lived cry, if ecstasy was in it.
As I recall, the whole affair took less than one brief minute.
Impugn my manhood, if you must, but what most makes me grieve
Is the foundless allegation that I would, my life, deceive." I wish you good luck in the Husband and Wife Talking contest with your poem. I'd recommend your poem to other reviewers. You win my vote. Please have a nifty day.
Missy.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
-
Thank you, Melissa, for the great review and the vote. Glad you enjoyed my little romp. I certainly enjoyed seeing what new insults they could come up with...
Comment from squid152
Interesting couplets, But I think she gets the best of you. The 18th couplet is the dagger that put you away. When they start talkin satisfaction and completness, we can hardly stand on our feet.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
|
Interesting couplets, But I think she gets the best of you. The 18th couplet is the dagger that put you away. When they start talkin satisfaction and completness, we can hardly stand on our feet.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
-
Thank you. I borrowed the 'twice the man you ever were' from an earlier poem of mine - it is almost the ultimate insult and too good not to re-use.
Comment from l.raven
Oh may, This was really quit funny. I think I heard this in real life. Very well done. Your rhythm and rhymes are great. And I love the story. Sounds like me and my ex. great write.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
|
Oh may, This was really quit funny. I think I heard this in real life. Very well done. Your rhythm and rhymes are great. And I love the story. Sounds like me and my ex. great write.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
-
If that's the case, I can see why she is now an ex wife. I don't think either of these two are very nice...
Comment from Fiona Hymn
An intriguing little tryst you have so well described. The tartness of the conversation is clevely written. The tone is even, the rhyme and rhythm wonderfully consistent. The cadence to read rolls off the tongue. The loving mood in the beginning to the parting irony is scripted well from beginning to the well scripted end. Good luck in the contest. This one is creative and original. A pleasure to read.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
|
An intriguing little tryst you have so well described. The tartness of the conversation is clevely written. The tone is even, the rhyme and rhythm wonderfully consistent. The cadence to read rolls off the tongue. The loving mood in the beginning to the parting irony is scripted well from beginning to the well scripted end. Good luck in the contest. This one is creative and original. A pleasure to read.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
-
Thank you, Fiona. Glad you enjoyed this little romp.
I started with the idea of gradually changing from lovey-dovey to vitriolic.
Comment from KathyH
What a clever and well composed entry. Love how the story progressed from loving banter to outright disdain. Poem flows smoothly with a good rhythm. I only had trouble with one line: "that's what you heard when your love gave me flight". Cadence seemed a little off. Maybe just me. Regardless, a well written and entertaiing piece. Kathy
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
|
What a clever and well composed entry. Love how the story progressed from loving banter to outright disdain. Poem flows smoothly with a good rhythm. I only had trouble with one line: "that's what you heard when your love gave me flight". Cadence seemed a little off. Maybe just me. Regardless, a well written and entertaiing piece. Kathy
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
-
Thanks. Glad you enjoyed my bit of fun. I started with the idea of gradually changing from lovey-dovey to vitriolic as you have noted - couldn't have taken it too much further without having them physically attacking each other!
Comment from Maxine Kendall
This is just excellent!
A very well written, delightfully funny poem.
Your presentation made it quite clear as to who was doing the talking, so it was easy to read.
A pleasure to review.
Well done and best wishes for the contest.
Maxine x
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
 |
This is just excellent!
A very well written, delightfully funny poem.
Your presentation made it quite clear as to who was doing the talking, so it was easy to read.
A pleasure to review.
Well done and best wishes for the contest.
Maxine x
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
-
Thank you, Maxine, for the great review and the six stars - much appreciated.
Comment from bowls
This is just hilarious! I like the way you start off with a lovey-dovey couple and end with, well, a very unpleasant pair. Some great rhymes, too, like scarlet/harlot. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
|
This is just hilarious! I like the way you start off with a lovey-dovey couple and end with, well, a very unpleasant pair. Some great rhymes, too, like scarlet/harlot. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
-
Thanks. Glad you enjoyed my bit of fun. I started with the idea of gradually changing from lovey-dovey to vitriolic as you have noted.
