Day Closes Up Her Shop
quatrains in 8/7/8/7209 total reviews
Comment from Tengeresz
Hi
Red sky in the morning, sailor take warning. Red sky at night sailors delight. This is the little jingle that seafaring man have recited before the age of sail. Lovely picture. Outstanding poem.
Tengeresz
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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Hi
Red sky in the morning, sailor take warning. Red sky at night sailors delight. This is the little jingle that seafaring man have recited before the age of sail. Lovely picture. Outstanding poem.
Tengeresz
Comment Written 04-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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Tengeresz, thank you so much for your thoughtful review :-) Brooke
Comment from heyjude
Brooke, another fantastic poem. I like ... that thought
that sun closes up her shop at end of day but opens up
each morning. What a lovely picture you found to go with it.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Brooke, another fantastic poem. I like ... that thought
that sun closes up her shop at end of day but opens up
each morning. What a lovely picture you found to go with it.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Judy, thanks so very much, my friend, for your thoughtful review : -) Brooke
Comment from Deejharrington
What lovely imagery! I can see Day closing the door and turning the sigh to closed. But sun has the last word in a blaze of colors to remind us of the beauty of the day and maybe to give a nudge to the moon and stars, not to be out done.
deb
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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What lovely imagery! I can see Day closing the door and turning the sigh to closed. But sun has the last word in a blaze of colors to remind us of the beauty of the day and maybe to give a nudge to the moon and stars, not to be out done.
deb
Comment Written 04-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Deb, thank you so much for your lovely comments and kind review :-) Brooke
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my pleasure, as always
deb
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Brooke
There is no rest for the Sun. When she is setting here, she's also rising on the other side of the earth. Your poem brought this song into my head...
"Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years,
One season following another,
Laden with happiness,
And tears" ... the song talks of a mother taking an account of her life. She doesn't know where the years have gone, but she sees them in her son and daughter...
"Is this the little girl I carried?
Is this the little boy at play?
I don't remember growing older
When - did - they?
When did she get to be a beauty?
When did he grow to be so tall?
Wasn't it yesterday when they - were - small?"
Your poem is really so much like this song. The Sun is the father in your poem. He takes inventory at the end of each business day. Things change in this old world from day-to-day and year-to-year. Things don't sit idle on some shelf. They can't be stored forever.
We go to bed each night... a pause... and then we rise the next day. The world keeps turning.
But I like the way you personify the Sun. You make him the father, the parent who gives warmth to his family. Sometimes he gives a lot. Perhaps too much. Other times, he holds back and we get snow from November to April. He might leave for a time, but he always comes back. No wonder the ancients worshipped him, eh?
I love your opening line,
"Day closes up her shop each night
to take her inventory"... brilliant! You know, this poem was quite timely. Did you write it on purpose for "end-of-the-year inventories" on March 31st? We just had our day of counting at the Pet Corral last Saturday.
I see the Sun as "she", but interestingly you've dubbed it "he"...and the Day is "she"
"He signs his name in crimson ink"... what a terrific way to write about a sunset! Again, simply brilliant! Loved it.
I love your rhymes,
"inventory/glory"
"burning/returning"
and the near rhyme of
"morning/storing"
but my favourite is "consigned/designed"
And finally, you chose the perfect picture to compliment your write. Bravo! So worth six stars!
your fan
Kimbob
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Hi Brooke
There is no rest for the Sun. When she is setting here, she's also rising on the other side of the earth. Your poem brought this song into my head...
"Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years,
One season following another,
Laden with happiness,
And tears" ... the song talks of a mother taking an account of her life. She doesn't know where the years have gone, but she sees them in her son and daughter...
"Is this the little girl I carried?
Is this the little boy at play?
I don't remember growing older
When - did - they?
When did she get to be a beauty?
When did he grow to be so tall?
Wasn't it yesterday when they - were - small?"
Your poem is really so much like this song. The Sun is the father in your poem. He takes inventory at the end of each business day. Things change in this old world from day-to-day and year-to-year. Things don't sit idle on some shelf. They can't be stored forever.
We go to bed each night... a pause... and then we rise the next day. The world keeps turning.
But I like the way you personify the Sun. You make him the father, the parent who gives warmth to his family. Sometimes he gives a lot. Perhaps too much. Other times, he holds back and we get snow from November to April. He might leave for a time, but he always comes back. No wonder the ancients worshipped him, eh?
I love your opening line,
"Day closes up her shop each night
to take her inventory"... brilliant! You know, this poem was quite timely. Did you write it on purpose for "end-of-the-year inventories" on March 31st? We just had our day of counting at the Pet Corral last Saturday.
I see the Sun as "she", but interestingly you've dubbed it "he"...and the Day is "she"
"He signs his name in crimson ink"... what a terrific way to write about a sunset! Again, simply brilliant! Loved it.
I love your rhymes,
"inventory/glory"
"burning/returning"
and the near rhyme of
"morning/storing"
but my favourite is "consigned/designed"
And finally, you chose the perfect picture to compliment your write. Bravo! So worth six stars!
your fan
Kimbob
Comment Written 04-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Kimbob, thank you so very much, my friend, for this generous exceptionial rating and thorough and insightful review :-) I love that song from Fiddler on the Roof :-) Brooke
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Hi Brooke. I was just editing my review to you as you were reading it. AT the last minute, I realized that you had dubbed Day as female and the Sun as male. I see the Sun as Mother Sun, so to speak. But that's just me. So I was trying to fix up my reply slightly. I love getting the shovel out, and digging into your poetry! There is always a message for us. Thank you.
Kimbob
Comment from reconciled
You make it look tooooooo easy teach, its frustrating (LOL)wonderful poem of the goings on in the shop of life..fantastic read and write...bless you good Lady...Michael
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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You make it look tooooooo easy teach, its frustrating (LOL)wonderful poem of the goings on in the shop of life..fantastic read and write...bless you good Lady...Michael
Comment Written 04-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Michael, thanks so very much for your lovely review :-) Brooke
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Your very welcome
Comment from Earl of Oxford
Excellent artwork by 'rat's orgy', Brooke. ;-)
I don't mean to sound horrid, but I find 4th line has the wrong meter emphasis. - 'GLOR-y' just isn't strong enough to me.
I also find 'morning' and 'storing' to be a weak rhyme, even though a slant one.
Hey, I'm thinking of starting a class in meter - would you be interested in joining?
Signed, Alvin. LOL
Sorry - maybe I'm just in a 'ratty' mood. You know I luv ya
Best wishes, Ray xx
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Excellent artwork by 'rat's orgy', Brooke. ;-)
I don't mean to sound horrid, but I find 4th line has the wrong meter emphasis. - 'GLOR-y' just isn't strong enough to me.
I also find 'morning' and 'storing' to be a weak rhyme, even though a slant one.
Hey, I'm thinking of starting a class in meter - would you be interested in joining?
Signed, Alvin. LOL
Sorry - maybe I'm just in a 'ratty' mood. You know I luv ya
Best wishes, Ray xx
Comment Written 04-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Thanks, Ray - you're always good for a smile, my friend. You've totally lost me with why Glory doesn't have a strong enough accent to fit the meter there. Brooke :-)
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I'm no fan of these so-called 'silent feminine syllables', Brooke. After all, who ever heard of a 'silent' feminine ANYTHING' MWAHAHA. Ok, I'm being picky, but I still find 'glory' rather weak.
I jusr read your other reviews and I'm about to throw up, LOL. You're one of the best poets on here, without a doubt, but I will continue to try to help you to improve. ;-) xx
Comment from Newsome
As usual, beautiful use of metaphor here, Brooke. Can't really decide which stanza I like best...all are great. However, the last is perhaps my fav...
Newsome
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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As usual, beautiful use of metaphor here, Brooke. Can't really decide which stanza I like best...all are great. However, the last is perhaps my fav...
Newsome
Comment Written 04-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Newsome, thanks so very much for your encouraging review :-) Brooke
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Yes! I like this poem a lot.
Sweet and simple.
All your lines have the correct
count and the rhyme is superb
Nice picture choice! Nancy
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Yes! I like this poem a lot.
Sweet and simple.
All your lines have the correct
count and the rhyme is superb
Nice picture choice! Nancy
Comment Written 04-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Nancy, thank you so very much for your lovely review :-) Brooke
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Brooke,
You have the ability to write poems that are so clever, both in theme and words. I really like this one and the motion that day closes up her shop each night...wish I had thought of that! Your rhyme is effective as are your well chosen words and theme. Well done....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Hi Brooke,
You have the ability to write poems that are so clever, both in theme and words. I really like this one and the motion that day closes up her shop each night...wish I had thought of that! Your rhyme is effective as are your well chosen words and theme. Well done....blessings, chey
Comment Written 04-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Chey, thank you so much for your thoughtful review :-) Brooke
Comment from Aussie
A beautiful presentation; a most unusual way of describing the rising of the sun. I liked your poem so much, it had a special message, one that I have never heard regarding the rising of the sun, referred to as Day opens up her Shop. A touch of the dramatic. Nicely written my friend.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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A beautiful presentation; a most unusual way of describing the rising of the sun. I liked your poem so much, it had a special message, one that I have never heard regarding the rising of the sun, referred to as Day opens up her Shop. A touch of the dramatic. Nicely written my friend.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Kay, thanks so very much, my friend :-) Brooke
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How is Miranda and Andy?
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Miranda is waiting for an appointment with a neurologist about the Bell's Palsy on the recommendation of an Eyes Nose Throat doctor - she is in pain and doing her best to put up with this last month of pregnancy - but everyone is thrilled the baby is only a month away :-)
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You're probably in bed by now. I can't spend much time on the computer, sciatica is severely draining me. One month to go, your birthday too!
