Money, Money, Who's Got the Money?
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "MONEY: Therapy Session"Two bank robbers hide in a women's boarding house.
14 total reviews
Comment from Eleanor Buron
LOL Laughing all the way through this scene - lots of word action. The dialog is fast and crisp and cracking clever. Your characters have remained true to their personalities. Well done!
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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LOL Laughing all the way through this scene - lots of word action. The dialog is fast and crisp and cracking clever. Your characters have remained true to their personalities. Well done!
Comment Written 29-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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Thanks, Elly. I appreciate the comment about the characters staying in character, if you know what I mean.
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You're welcome. I always enjoy your work.
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Shari
This new script flows in smoothly from the previous one.
The strength in your writing lies in your ability to juggle with several characters at the same time. Each actor has his own distinct voice. I like the way some people butt in and interrupt.
You are right to use exclamation marks (I use them a lot). They act as stage directions.
I'm looking forward to the plot thickening!
Ron x
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Hi Shari
This new script flows in smoothly from the previous one.
The strength in your writing lies in your ability to juggle with several characters at the same time. Each actor has his own distinct voice. I like the way some people butt in and interrupt.
You are right to use exclamation marks (I use them a lot). They act as stage directions.
I'm looking forward to the plot thickening!
Ron x
Comment Written 27-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Thanks, sweetie pie. Your praise means a lot to me. Interruption seems to be the big thing now in playwriting. It's easy for me, since I'm always interrupting and finishing people's sentences!
Shari o
Comment from joann r romei
This is really funny, i am so blessed to star my day with a chuckle, these characters are great, the things they say do not miss a beat in the script, can see it as a movie already.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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This is really funny, i am so blessed to star my day with a chuckle, these characters are great, the things they say do not miss a beat in the script, can see it as a movie already.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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I'd love to find an agent who would help me find a way to sell it to the movies. I see so few comedies that are really funny. I laughed myself as I wrote this. Thanks for confirming my own feelings.
Comment from Earl of Oxford
Hilarious start, Shari, with Sarge wanting her overdue rent from Ellen, the thief.
Poor Mickey, being ordered around by his hostages.
'I don't want a cousin who robbed a bank' - LOL
'She woiks for the government' - clever vernacular. I thought it a typo at first.
Crazy and fun dialogue throughout - I'm wondering if the robbers are more insane than the cranky old ladies. ;-)
Best wishes, earl
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Hilarious start, Shari, with Sarge wanting her overdue rent from Ellen, the thief.
Poor Mickey, being ordered around by his hostages.
'I don't want a cousin who robbed a bank' - LOL
'She woiks for the government' - clever vernacular. I thought it a typo at first.
Crazy and fun dialogue throughout - I'm wondering if the robbers are more insane than the cranky old ladies. ;-)
Best wishes, earl
Comment Written 27-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Thanks, Earl. Glad you are enjoying this. It was so much fun to write.
Comment from purrfect tale
I liked the added details to some of the characters personal histories. It even made me feel sorry for Mickey. And sending Mack and Sarge out for groceries has a lot of potential for things to come.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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I liked the added details to some of the characters personal histories. It even made me feel sorry for Mickey. And sending Mack and Sarge out for groceries has a lot of potential for things to come.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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That's great that you feel sorry for Mickey. No one character should be all bad or all good. Thanks so much for the stars
Comment from barkingdog
It moves pretty fast through bedwetting, Depends, condoms with the under current of everyone being on edge, maybe hungry, and Mickey is paranoid.
I'm still looking for the 'sane' one. LOL
We find out a bit more about Mickey and Frieda via Loony's therapy session.
Frieda had a soft spot for Mickey when she saw he was a poor child.
Loony gets too close to Frieda's past. Nice way to go to the next post.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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It moves pretty fast through bedwetting, Depends, condoms with the under current of everyone being on edge, maybe hungry, and Mickey is paranoid.
I'm still looking for the 'sane' one. LOL
We find out a bit more about Mickey and Frieda via Loony's therapy session.
Frieda had a soft spot for Mickey when she saw he was a poor child.
Loony gets too close to Frieda's past. Nice way to go to the next post.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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I'm glad to see that you picked up the clue about Frieda's soft spot. Every scene should have its own beat and that's how I decide when and where to stop. Thanks,Ellen for the stars.
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You're welcome, Shari.
Comment from rightforyou
Wonderful job on this script...
I love the twist inside this page making the reader wonder where you are going next...Well Done Ron
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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Wonderful job on this script...
I love the twist inside this page making the reader wonder where you are going next...Well Done Ron
Comment Written 26-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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See? Everybody thought they had the plot all worked out. Thanks, Ron for your great comments.
Comment from ameen786
Still laughing as I type, I'd love to see this played on stage; more twists and turns and I am getting more intrigued, at least from the previous episodes I could tell where you were heading, not anymore...mystery is building.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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Still laughing as I type, I'd love to see this played on stage; more twists and turns and I am getting more intrigued, at least from the previous episodes I could tell where you were heading, not anymore...mystery is building.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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I'm glad I'm keeping you guessing. I know it seemed predictable at first. Thanks for reading.
Comment from Adam J Santos
Shari, HaHa this chapter was full of funny lines. The part when Mickey described the first Christmas he remembered. Trixie got a silver rattle and Mickey got a plastic Chinese made toy that he almost choked. Too funny... I like the fact that Candy or boot's is always standing up for Mack as well... Looney and Frieda both seem to have bowel problems. ellen needs hemorrhoid cream this ties into the radio commercial that played in an earlier chapter... Well done on this chapter. It's all coming together quite well. Take care Adam:)
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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Shari, HaHa this chapter was full of funny lines. The part when Mickey described the first Christmas he remembered. Trixie got a silver rattle and Mickey got a plastic Chinese made toy that he almost choked. Too funny... I like the fact that Candy or boot's is always standing up for Mack as well... Looney and Frieda both seem to have bowel problems. ellen needs hemorrhoid cream this ties into the radio commercial that played in an earlier chapter... Well done on this chapter. It's all coming together quite well. Take care Adam:)
Comment Written 26-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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That commercial will come in again later. Rule of thumb--every line must have a purpose. Thanks, my faithful friend.
Comment from God's Writer
Do you serve depends with the story. Maybe you should give a pissing the pants warning. This stuff in the wrong persons hands could be dangerous. Thank you for letting me laugh my bladder away.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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Do you serve depends with the story. Maybe you should give a pissing the pants warning. This stuff in the wrong persons hands could be dangerous. Thank you for letting me laugh my bladder away.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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What a clever reply. I'm impressed. Maybe you should write comedy too. Hugs,Shari
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