Whispers in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Mother Moose Attack --by BROOK ANNE"Brook's best lead dog is struck deaf
21 total reviews
Comment from Anisa-
This looks like quite an interesting story. I see that you're already some way in, but I the chapter I just read was great.
Your characters are realistic, and, believable. The dialogue seems natural. You create a wonderful setting.
I sure don't miss moose meat! Lol. That's about the only thing I don't miss from living in Northern B.C. I haven't been to Alaska, but it sounds like it would be a wonderful place to visit.
Looking forward to the next chapter! Oh, and spag isn't my strong point, so I will leave that to the more qualified reviewers.
Anisa
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
  |
This looks like quite an interesting story. I see that you're already some way in, but I the chapter I just read was great.
Your characters are realistic, and, believable. The dialogue seems natural. You create a wonderful setting.
I sure don't miss moose meat! Lol. That's about the only thing I don't miss from living in Northern B.C. I haven't been to Alaska, but it sounds like it would be a wonderful place to visit.
Looking forward to the next chapter! Oh, and spag isn't my strong point, so I will leave that to the more qualified reviewers.
Anisa
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
-
I appreciate your inspiriting compliments, Anisa. Thanks so much taking time to review this chapter.
Comment from Eldercrone
Loved your chapter, and being always proud to be in the company of dogs, I adore your dog character too. Shemya is great--nice touch to make him deaf so that readers can understand that even with a handicap, he can function and even lead. Your scene between the two youngsters in the kennel is good. You are quite good with mechanics, pacing, tone, and ,of course, setting. BTW, I loved your last line; "veil of snowflakes" and "slower more gentler way" added a nearly poetic touch. Oddly, that where I found the only nit to pick; it should be either "gentler, " with no "more" preceding it, or "more gentle" to be the comparative form. Pretty small nit, huh?
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
|
Loved your chapter, and being always proud to be in the company of dogs, I adore your dog character too. Shemya is great--nice touch to make him deaf so that readers can understand that even with a handicap, he can function and even lead. Your scene between the two youngsters in the kennel is good. You are quite good with mechanics, pacing, tone, and ,of course, setting. BTW, I loved your last line; "veil of snowflakes" and "slower more gentler way" added a nearly poetic touch. Oddly, that where I found the only nit to pick; it should be either "gentler, " with no "more" preceding it, or "more gentle" to be the comparative form. Pretty small nit, huh?
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
-
I agree that 'more' over does it. Thanks for pointing that out and for giving me an inspiring review. Marie
Comment from Rattler
Great read, wonderful writing.
"Dad gets climbs out of the..." "gets or climbs" I think one of your edits add one to many verbs. I like "climbs" myself.
"James' sled and dogs come from the thick forest,..." Maybe "came" not "come"
"I brake the sled to slow to an almost stop at the top..." The first "to" maybe "and"..
Great work..
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
|
Great read, wonderful writing.
"Dad gets climbs out of the..." "gets or climbs" I think one of your edits add one to many verbs. I like "climbs" myself.
"James' sled and dogs come from the thick forest,..." Maybe "came" not "come"
"I brake the sled to slow to an almost stop at the top..." The first "to" maybe "and"..
Great work..
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
-
Many thanks for catching my errors -- I always seem to have them. I appreciate your review so very much. Marie
-
I don't understand why I can find elsewhere but never in my own work. LOL.. I finally found a way to make to make tons of errors and SGAP and people like it. LOL.. Look at "Cajun Humor" for a good example crapy writing..LOL
Comment from RazberryBullet
Shemya is an awesome dog!--Peering down, I see what Shemya had sensed. A mother moose with very new twin babies appear on the main trail.
suggestions: Dad ?gets climbs? out of the truck...I thought about how his dad drove off and (was)not likely to get back until much later.
Well done!
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
|
Shemya is an awesome dog!--Peering down, I see what Shemya had sensed. A mother moose with very new twin babies appear on the main trail.
suggestions: Dad ?gets climbs? out of the truck...I thought about how his dad drove off and (was)not likely to get back until much later.
Well done!
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
-
Many thanks for catching my error and for seeing Shemya as awesome. I appreciate the time you gave this review.
Comment from Nanashirley
I enjoyed the chapter very much. I think your story line is well written. I see no editing needed and wait for the next chapter.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
|
I enjoyed the chapter very much. I think your story line is well written. I see no editing needed and wait for the next chapter.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
-
Thanks so much for the compliment and for taking time to review this chapter.
Comment from marym224
Very interesting chapter. I've not been to Alaska, but seen so many documentaries and magazine articles, I can relate to this story very well. I do have a couple of points: Alliteration. This is when a letter is used for consecutive words, especially within the sentence. Para 1 refers to Pick up, Parking, Park. And the next para relates a 'Smiling mom, Slips into..." Sometimes, alliteration can be used to exaggerate the comedy of the narrative, but in this instance, it does not represent as comedy. Use of a good Thesaurus should help.
In Para 5, you need a comma at 'come in, too.'
Further down (around para 43 I think), the spacing has gone astray after the word 'behind'.
Will be interested to read more. Warm Regards. Mary
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
|
Very interesting chapter. I've not been to Alaska, but seen so many documentaries and magazine articles, I can relate to this story very well. I do have a couple of points: Alliteration. This is when a letter is used for consecutive words, especially within the sentence. Para 1 refers to Pick up, Parking, Park. And the next para relates a 'Smiling mom, Slips into..." Sometimes, alliteration can be used to exaggerate the comedy of the narrative, but in this instance, it does not represent as comedy. Use of a good Thesaurus should help.
In Para 5, you need a comma at 'come in, too.'
Further down (around para 43 I think), the spacing has gone astray after the word 'behind'.
Will be interested to read more. Warm Regards. Mary
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
-
I agree with you completely, Mary. Thanks for the suggestions and for taking time to review this chapter.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Alaskastory,
Its been a while since I have seen one of your posts, but I found this story easy to pick up the thread for. Good chapter, it certainly paints a picture of a wild landscape and a skill most of us don't know much about.
Well done
Patrick
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
|
Hi Alaskastory,
Its been a while since I have seen one of your posts, but I found this story easy to pick up the thread for. Good chapter, it certainly paints a picture of a wild landscape and a skill most of us don't know much about.
Well done
Patrick
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
-
Thanks, Patrick. Very good of you to take time to review this chapter.
Comment from c_lucas
Getting ready does not mean everything will be smoooth running. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an interesting read.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
|
Getting ready does not mean everything will be smoooth running. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an interesting read.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
-
Many thanks for taking time to review this chapter.
-
You're welcome.
Comment from peggles
this is a well composed chapter
you certainly have done your reseach well
Your characters are realistic and believable
and natural in their dialogue and actions
I found this interesting and easy to follow
I think I am in love with Shemya
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
|
this is a well composed chapter
you certainly have done your reseach well
Your characters are realistic and believable
and natural in their dialogue and actions
I found this interesting and easy to follow
I think I am in love with Shemya
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
-
Your compliments are inspiring. Thanks for loving Shemya and for taking time to review!
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
It is so hard to evaluate a single chapter, but this is well written and interesting. It leaves me wanting to know more which is the sign of a good story~Debbie
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
|
It is so hard to evaluate a single chapter, but this is well written and interesting. It leaves me wanting to know more which is the sign of a good story~Debbie
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
-
So happy to think you may want more of the story. Thanks for the review, Debbie.
