Going to the Lake-edited
A son and his father go fishing- Please read notes15 total reviews
Comment from Day Z Chayn
Reminds me of the time I fished with my own dad in his canoe. My younger sister had joined us that day, but I was the only one out of us three who caught a single trout that afternoon.
Things may have been 'catch & release' back then, but this didn't seem to be in force in the late seventies or early eighties, but I don't actually remember cooking or eating the fish at that point, so I probably let it go. We didn't get a campfire that day; no marshmallows, only the canoe ride down the river with my catching one single fish.
It was heaven on earth because of the majesty and fluidity of nature and being a part of something bigger while you experience all of it as the grandeur of the outdoors manifests itself.
Ever grateful,
Shane
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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Reminds me of the time I fished with my own dad in his canoe. My younger sister had joined us that day, but I was the only one out of us three who caught a single trout that afternoon.
Things may have been 'catch & release' back then, but this didn't seem to be in force in the late seventies or early eighties, but I don't actually remember cooking or eating the fish at that point, so I probably let it go. We didn't get a campfire that day; no marshmallows, only the canoe ride down the river with my catching one single fish.
It was heaven on earth because of the majesty and fluidity of nature and being a part of something bigger while you experience all of it as the grandeur of the outdoors manifests itself.
Ever grateful,
Shane
Comment Written 08-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2016
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I'm glad this made you think of your own memories, thank you for reviewing this!
Comment from rtobaygo
Good afternoon, Allison
The anticipation and excitement of how a teenage boy feels about going to his parents' lake-side house was spot on.
I was too young to enjoy complete quietness. Loved this sentence.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Good afternoon, Allison
The anticipation and excitement of how a teenage boy feels about going to his parents' lake-side house was spot on.
I was too young to enjoy complete quietness. Loved this sentence.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 20-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Great story, Lots of dialog. This is what draws the reader in and moves the story along. I had a problem with this until Pyllis Stewart helped me. If you haven't fanned her yet, be sure to do it.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Great story, Lots of dialog. This is what draws the reader in and moves the story along. I had a problem with this until Pyllis Stewart helped me. If you haven't fanned her yet, be sure to do it.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thank you for the review and the suggestion!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello sweetie pie,
What a beautiful and well written story for the contest. Don't worry about the rules of a contest in fanstory. Contests here don't mean anything as far as measuring a great story goes. And this one is a winner. Very heartfelt and using wonderful concrete imagering.
Gypsy
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Hello sweetie pie,
What a beautiful and well written story for the contest. Don't worry about the rules of a contest in fanstory. Contests here don't mean anything as far as measuring a great story goes. And this one is a winner. Very heartfelt and using wonderful concrete imagering.
Gypsy
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thank you for such a nice review, I really appreciate it!
Comment from JLC EmeraldRiver
This has been an enjoyable read through and through! You got me to smile throughout the whole thing. It is a lighthearted, playful tale about a day of a family vacation and how our lovable main character spends it. I adore the wording, as it paints vivid images for the reader and describes emotions stunningly well so that we can relate with what's going on. The dialogue feels natural with hints a humor that had me grinning ear to ear (my favorite being, "Sure we can, that's where the monsters hide!"), and the portrayal of the characters feels so appropriate for the piece.
The only minor flaw would be in regards to the grammar, as there are a few faults in that arena, but I do not focus on mechanics too much. I am satisfied with the execution of the narrative as it is. It is a well told piece that's entertaining from beginning to end, chronicling a young boy who longs to go fishing on his first day on vacation at the lake resort. Once again, the writing is beautiful in its descriptions and creative use of figurative language. It made for a fine read this time around. Thank you for this, my fellow writer, and enjoy your path ahead!
- Jillian
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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This has been an enjoyable read through and through! You got me to smile throughout the whole thing. It is a lighthearted, playful tale about a day of a family vacation and how our lovable main character spends it. I adore the wording, as it paints vivid images for the reader and describes emotions stunningly well so that we can relate with what's going on. The dialogue feels natural with hints a humor that had me grinning ear to ear (my favorite being, "Sure we can, that's where the monsters hide!"), and the portrayal of the characters feels so appropriate for the piece.
The only minor flaw would be in regards to the grammar, as there are a few faults in that arena, but I do not focus on mechanics too much. I am satisfied with the execution of the narrative as it is. It is a well told piece that's entertaining from beginning to end, chronicling a young boy who longs to go fishing on his first day on vacation at the lake resort. Once again, the writing is beautiful in its descriptions and creative use of figurative language. It made for a fine read this time around. Thank you for this, my fellow writer, and enjoy your path ahead!
- Jillian
Comment Written 18-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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I'm so glad that you enjoyed my story so much and thank you so very much for such a thoughtful review, it means a lot!
Comment from mfowler
Yes, I can see what you mean about not including the campfire, but the story still documents a great holiday which clearly has connection to warm memories of youth. You've used a male teen as the central character and the mix of frustration, impatience and embarrassment that's described really reflects what a fourteen year old boy can be like. He can't wait to get there, gets annoyed at adult's pace, wants to do everything now and faster, gets embarrassed at the look of a girl. Oh, yes. Your character is true.
The circumstances and setting all feel very real and the last scene catching slime makes a great ending.
A charming story, well written. Best of luck with voters.
I've added a few SPAG suggestions:
jumped out of our old red boat of a car and run into the cabin ... (ran) into the cabin.
the water was it's usual dark Bluish green ... two edits ... the water was (its) usual dark (bluish) green
"How 'bout one more time, for good measure," ... ? after 'measure'.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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Yes, I can see what you mean about not including the campfire, but the story still documents a great holiday which clearly has connection to warm memories of youth. You've used a male teen as the central character and the mix of frustration, impatience and embarrassment that's described really reflects what a fourteen year old boy can be like. He can't wait to get there, gets annoyed at adult's pace, wants to do everything now and faster, gets embarrassed at the look of a girl. Oh, yes. Your character is true.
The circumstances and setting all feel very real and the last scene catching slime makes a great ending.
A charming story, well written. Best of luck with voters.
I've added a few SPAG suggestions:
jumped out of our old red boat of a car and run into the cabin ... (ran) into the cabin.
the water was it's usual dark Bluish green ... two edits ... the water was (its) usual dark (bluish) green
"How 'bout one more time, for good measure," ... ? after 'measure'.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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Thank you for the review and the help also, I really appreciate it!
Comment from royowen
I liked this upbeat reminiscence of your hubby's early childhood memories, that took him to his favourite camping place, this time in a place of fishing. The encounter with the young girls was a highlight, with the obvious blooming awareness of girls, embarrassing him. Well done, good characters, great plot, absorbing story. Good luck in the contest, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : rainy mornings were good for (it) too.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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I liked this upbeat reminiscence of your hubby's early childhood memories, that took him to his favourite camping place, this time in a place of fishing. The encounter with the young girls was a highlight, with the obvious blooming awareness of girls, embarrassing him. Well done, good characters, great plot, absorbing story. Good luck in the contest, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : rainy mornings were good for (it) too.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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Thank you so much for the review and the correction, I appreciate it!
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Most welcome
Comment from buttonsfandango
Your story actually reminded me of home. I'm originally from Minnesota, and we have lakes a plenty there. It was a fun read. I love the embarrassing moment when he sees the two girls around his age. That was very cute.
The only thing is that there's one grammatical error.
'soon enouph the traffic lights started moving again...'
enough is spelled incorrectly.
Other than that, great story. I don't even know what the challenge was, I just enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
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Your story actually reminded me of home. I'm originally from Minnesota, and we have lakes a plenty there. It was a fun read. I love the embarrassing moment when he sees the two girls around his age. That was very cute.
The only thing is that there's one grammatical error.
'soon enouph the traffic lights started moving again...'
enough is spelled incorrectly.
Other than that, great story. I don't even know what the challenge was, I just enjoyed it.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
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Thank you so very much!
Comment from RenieReader
This is a cute story and shows what summers can be like for young teens. There are quite a few nits in your story that slows down the flow for the reader.
Suddenly, we came to a stand[-]still on 35 [n==>N]orth towards the Twin Cities.
Soon, [enouph==>enough] the traffic started moving again.
I jumped out of our *old blue boat of a car
(*this is confusing because the boat is also blue.)
my *Mother chimed (*when it's 'my' mother or father, don't capitalize. If you are talking to them and calling them Dad, etc. as a name, it is capitalized.)
I followed [me==>my] dad outdoors
Those are just a few examples.
Renie
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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This is a cute story and shows what summers can be like for young teens. There are quite a few nits in your story that slows down the flow for the reader.
Suddenly, we came to a stand[-]still on 35 [n==>N]orth towards the Twin Cities.
Soon, [enouph==>enough] the traffic started moving again.
I jumped out of our *old blue boat of a car
(*this is confusing because the boat is also blue.)
my *Mother chimed (*when it's 'my' mother or father, don't capitalize. If you are talking to them and calling them Dad, etc. as a name, it is capitalized.)
I followed [me==>my] dad outdoors
Those are just a few examples.
Renie
Comment Written 27-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the review!
Comment from jtconcessions
As far as a contest entry, it doesn't fit the requirements.
The story, however, is good. I can relate to catching weeds. Usually I catch the fish sticks.
One question,why add teh two girls in. They aren't mentioned again and don't add anything to the story line. I would have liked to hear more about the fishing, since that was your main idea.
Thanks for sharing a pleasant story
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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As far as a contest entry, it doesn't fit the requirements.
The story, however, is good. I can relate to catching weeds. Usually I catch the fish sticks.
One question,why add teh two girls in. They aren't mentioned again and don't add anything to the story line. I would have liked to hear more about the fishing, since that was your main idea.
Thanks for sharing a pleasant story
Comment Written 26-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2012
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This story took place over an entire day, the girls was just a cute thing that happened. Thank you for the review.
