Comment from God's Writer

Excellent

The best way yet of gettin rid of them. Keep em fighten. You have brought these woman too life to me. Buy em each a six pack. I am glad I stopped in there by the little boys room. Thank you for the great story.

 Comment Written 23-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012

So you're spying on Kandy. Shame on you.

reply by God's Writer on 23-Mar-2012

You now it sweetheart. Da blonde ditsy one dere on da end?

reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012

The blonde with the big boobs, that's Kandy. Knew you'd spot her.

reply by God's Writer on 24-Mar-2012

I know I could find her bedroom in the dark.

Comment from Tonulak

Exceptional

Hi Shari,
This represents the whole work which was bizarrely funny and quite good. Also, specifically for this closing scene which was a great scene ender and heightened the drama. "To live outside the law, you must be honest", that's what Dylan sid anyway. Great job--I'd pay to see it perforned:)

 Comment Written 22-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012

Thank you, Teddy Bear, for the sixer and the compliments too. Will post the next scene tomorrow.

Comment from purrfect tale

Excellent

I thought for a moment that Kandy was going to hit Mickey in the back of the head with the briefcase. Poor Sarge, the ladies will still be fighting over rent when the bad guys are gone. That was a great added piece of info to toss in.

 Comment Written 22-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012

Thanks again, purrfect for tuning in. More twists to come.

Comment from judiverse

Excellent

Hi, Spitfire. I love the goofy characters in this. Also you do a great job handling the stage directions. They would be easy to follow. The action moves right along, too. The bit about all the roomers paying different amount of rent is funny. Frieda's defiant use of damn (in a sentence) is also clever. You will definitely have the audience wondering what's in store in Act II with the ending of Act I having Mickey pulling a gun on Mack for double-crossing him and telling him to say his prayers. Mack's prayer should provoke laughs too. Great work. judi

 Comment Written 21-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012

Thanks for the great specifics, judi. Glad you liked the part about damn. That's my favorite line too.

Comment from Louise Michelle

Excellent

Even while being held at gunpoint, your crazy characters are discussing rent. What a hoot. I'm wondering about that toilet flushing in background -hm... Just read your author's notes. If some folks need to be told that this is a farce, I guess they just don't have a sense of humor. Then again, there are mostly serious postings on FS and it could be hard for some to switch gears. Good work, Shari. Hugs, Lou

 Comment Written 21-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012

Thank you, my faithful follower.

Comment from Adam J Santos

Excellent

Shari, I enjoyed this chapter as well. I found it funny that all of the tenants are paying a differrent amounts in rent. Towards the end when Mick and Mack made them all go in the basement. Ellen was scared of rats and Loony was like. I'm not I'll go down there and pull there teeth out. Too funny. Yet another great addition to your ongoing Story/screen play. Take care Adam:)

 Comment Written 21-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012

Thanks, Adam. It's a stage play. Appreciate your specific comments.

Comment from Adam J Santos

Excellent

Shari, I enjoyed this chapter as well. I found it funny that all of the tenants are paying a differrent amounts in rent. Towards the end when Mick and Mack made them all go in the basement. Ellen was scared of rats and Loony was like. I'm not I'll go down there and pull there teeth out. Too funny. Yet another great addition to your ongoing Story/screen play. Take care Adam:)

 Comment Written 21-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012

Guess you punched this in twice. Wonder if it will count as 2 reviews. I doubt it. Too easy to skew up the rankings.

Comment from barkingdog

Excellent

I'm laughing at the prayer at the end. Great joke. The audience gets to have intermission on a laugh.

Are you entering this in a contest?
How is your other entry coming?
I see no corrections or suggestions. It's all very clear which is difficult to do with this many kooks in the scene.

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012

This has already come in second place in two contests. But I've made a lot of big changes based on written professional evaluations. I still have one flaw according to a critic: I need one normal character to contrast and be a grounder for the rest. Hell, I thought Mickey was normal! As I say I've changed the ending since then, and hopefully, have made one of the crazies more normal than she appears.

reply by barkingdog on 20-Mar-2012

Fantastic. I don't see any normal characters except maybe Sarge. I guess, I'll be surprised to see who is.

Comment from rightforyou

Excellent

Your talent still blows me away as I picture you in a room practicing these lines while talking to yourself and reading out loud...I sometime do that with my poems as I want to hear how the words are heard by others...Wonderful job on this Script Loved the creativity of your work once again..Thanks Ron

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012

with a script you do need to hear it out loud. The fifth draft did get a reading and a production, so I saw where it needed improvement. This is probably the tenth draft and I am hoping to find a theater willing to take it on. Difficult in these times with everyone wanting assured money makers.

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

VEry interesting. I like the developments. Wait till they find out there's not much left in that suitcase! Keep it up! Thanks

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012

Thanks for keeping up with the plot. Yeap, that could really nail the idea of a double cross!