Cantata Envy
some rivalries never die33 total reviews
Comment from closetpoetjester
Haha I really enjoyed this tittering back and forth between the hub and wife. I actually enjoyed the descriptions of the actions displayed in the bold print just as much as the actual conversation and you have proved you have a talent for making some interesting pillow talk.
Your title alone cracked me up. Too cool Bevver. Great authors notes too. Your dry clever wit shines through in this presentation. Can't fault the writing part of it and it was indeed entertaining. Thankyou for informative authors notes too.
Cheers Closet xoxo
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Haha I really enjoyed this tittering back and forth between the hub and wife. I actually enjoyed the descriptions of the actions displayed in the bold print just as much as the actual conversation and you have proved you have a talent for making some interesting pillow talk.
Your title alone cracked me up. Too cool Bevver. Great authors notes too. Your dry clever wit shines through in this presentation. Can't fault the writing part of it and it was indeed entertaining. Thankyou for informative authors notes too.
Cheers Closet xoxo
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Hi, buddy. Thanks so much for your great review. I appreciate you taking time to read it and send along your thoughts. I was told that it really doesn't fit as a script/scene, so I'm thinking it's more of a skit. I'll likely be taking on the form again soon. You are too cool!! Hugs, Beverooniski hehehe xxx
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Oh ya this is definitely a skit style piece I'm sure.
LOL
You do great dialogue tete a tetes!
Cheers Closet xoxo
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Hey, thanks for that, p. You're so kind! Love ya, Bev
Comment from Eleanor Buron
Thank you for the author notes, though I caught the significance of names, made the necessary connections. The addition of Pavaroti made me smile. Saw him many times in various operas - he flirted outlandishly with a friend's daughter - LOL - I did not like him personally but he could sing. I have a Hungarian Vizsla -Maddy Girl - I thought this script moved along well with good dialog. Heaven is as good a ground as any to build your story. Very interesting all the way through the scene.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the author notes, though I caught the significance of names, made the necessary connections. The addition of Pavaroti made me smile. Saw him many times in various operas - he flirted outlandishly with a friend's daughter - LOL - I did not like him personally but he could sing. I have a Hungarian Vizsla -Maddy Girl - I thought this script moved along well with good dialog. Heaven is as good a ground as any to build your story. Very interesting all the way through the scene.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Eleanor. I really appreciate your great review. Glad that you were able to stop by and offer such kind support. Warm regards, Bev
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You are so welcome.
Comment from Spitfire
Good dialogue. It's more of a stage script than a screenplay. So you don't need the format the site gives you.
FADE IN. EXT. are for screenplays. For stage play you
list CHARACTERS first ( you only have two)The names mentioned do not appear, so could go into author's notes)
CHARACTERS
Johann: A composer of classic music, short,dumpy,50.
competitive
Anna: His wife, petite and sexy, independent. 42
SETTING: Crystalline bedchamber of ...
AT RISE: Johan is playing the harpsichord. Anna enters SL
(stage left)and taps him on the shoulder.
ANNA
Johann darling...
JOHAN (turns, upsets his wig)
Anna, my love,...
Facial reactions are not needed as the dialogue should give the clues. Also actors and directors prefer to interpret the lines and movement themselves. I included a lot in my latest play because it's a farce and blocking (movement) is important. But take a look at my shorter works such as The Will and you'll see far less.
If you go online to format for stage play, you'll get specific directions. That's how I learned. Remember stage plays are not formatted the same way as screenplays.
Aside for that, the concept is hilarious. I only regret that I didn't think of it myself! Great lines. Keep on trying. If you decide to reformat, let me know and I'll update the rating. Oh, also the ending would be either
CURTAIN or BLACKOUT.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Good dialogue. It's more of a stage script than a screenplay. So you don't need the format the site gives you.
FADE IN. EXT. are for screenplays. For stage play you
list CHARACTERS first ( you only have two)The names mentioned do not appear, so could go into author's notes)
CHARACTERS
Johann: A composer of classic music, short,dumpy,50.
competitive
Anna: His wife, petite and sexy, independent. 42
SETTING: Crystalline bedchamber of ...
AT RISE: Johan is playing the harpsichord. Anna enters SL
(stage left)and taps him on the shoulder.
ANNA
Johann darling...
JOHAN (turns, upsets his wig)
Anna, my love,...
Facial reactions are not needed as the dialogue should give the clues. Also actors and directors prefer to interpret the lines and movement themselves. I included a lot in my latest play because it's a farce and blocking (movement) is important. But take a look at my shorter works such as The Will and you'll see far less.
If you go online to format for stage play, you'll get specific directions. That's how I learned. Remember stage plays are not formatted the same way as screenplays.
Aside for that, the concept is hilarious. I only regret that I didn't think of it myself! Great lines. Keep on trying. If you decide to reformat, let me know and I'll update the rating. Oh, also the ending would be either
CURTAIN or BLACKOUT.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thanks for the very helpful review, Spitfire. I appreciate the specific advice and suggestions. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Sherry Asbury
What a joyful ride through the famous of music past and present. You have a delightful sense of humor and I laughed all the way through.
I don't have time for playing Spin the Schnitzal
just now, Johann.
I'm already late for my appointment.
Besides, I want you to hear the news from me first.
The Handel's are moving in next door."
Wry wit - I admire your mind. Very good write!!
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2012
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What a joyful ride through the famous of music past and present. You have a delightful sense of humor and I laughed all the way through.
I don't have time for playing Spin the Schnitzal
just now, Johann.
I'm already late for my appointment.
Besides, I want you to hear the news from me first.
The Handel's are moving in next door."
Wry wit - I admire your mind. Very good write!!
Comment Written 13-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2012
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Hi, Sherry. Thank you so much for this wonderful review. I appreciate your generosity, and your words of support! Thanks, also, for taking time to read and review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Showboat
That was outstanding, Bev. I just love dialogue although I've never tried writing scripts. I gotta have my narratives, too.
Ah well, the novel's my game. Just takes me too long to get started to do short stories!
Great one, thanks for sharing,
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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That was outstanding, Bev. I just love dialogue although I've never tried writing scripts. I gotta have my narratives, too.
Ah well, the novel's my game. Just takes me too long to get started to do short stories!
Great one, thanks for sharing,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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Hi, Gayle. Thanks so much, my friend. This was actually from a dialogue only writing prompt. I didn't get it into the contest, but have been wanting to try my hand at scriptwriting, so I put it in this format. I really appreciate your support and interest, lovely lady. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Tina55
I'm not a script expert, so I probably won't be able to impart any technical knowledge, in fact, I'm bound to learn oodles from you. I will, however, let you know who this plays out of me, savvy?
:-)
I can easily see Anna tip-toeing up to her hubbie, dressed to the nines. Great descriptive voice.
I love how he upsets his voice when he turns to his wife. Great detail!
Hahaha...stairway to heaven? LOL
Spin the shnitzal? Make me laugh :-)
This is a clever little ditty. I like how you've thrown all these personalities together and woven them into Bach's conversation with his wife.
This has great entertainment value, Bev.
Love,
Tina
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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I'm not a script expert, so I probably won't be able to impart any technical knowledge, in fact, I'm bound to learn oodles from you. I will, however, let you know who this plays out of me, savvy?
:-)
I can easily see Anna tip-toeing up to her hubbie, dressed to the nines. Great descriptive voice.
I love how he upsets his voice when he turns to his wife. Great detail!
Hahaha...stairway to heaven? LOL
Spin the shnitzal? Make me laugh :-)
This is a clever little ditty. I like how you've thrown all these personalities together and woven them into Bach's conversation with his wife.
This has great entertainment value, Bev.
Love,
Tina
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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Hi, Tina. I really love this review because you offer lots of good insights. And being the great visual writer you are, it means lot that you could 'see' the scene. Much appreciate the time you took to read and review. This was fun. Kind regards, Bev
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My pleasure, Bev!
Comment from barkingdog
Hi Bev This is so clever. A bit high brow for me.I don't know my composers and musicians that well, but the characters regardless of who they are came across clearly and the competitive nature of Johann as well.
Suggestions:
In the first line. Tell us what 'Paradise' I didn't realize it was Heaven or a cloud or what ever. I actually thought it was a resort for a while -- quite a while. You need to let us know that these people are dead in heaven.
Other than that it reads very well, your stage directions are good and it does sound like typical married folks talking.
You might want to mention that Handel wrote that tired old Messiah piece or is always flaunting it... some how get it in there before the punch line or the punch line is missed.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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Hi Bev This is so clever. A bit high brow for me.I don't know my composers and musicians that well, but the characters regardless of who they are came across clearly and the competitive nature of Johann as well.
Suggestions:
In the first line. Tell us what 'Paradise' I didn't realize it was Heaven or a cloud or what ever. I actually thought it was a resort for a while -- quite a while. You need to let us know that these people are dead in heaven.
Other than that it reads very well, your stage directions are good and it does sound like typical married folks talking.
You might want to mention that Handel wrote that tired old Messiah piece or is always flaunting it... some how get it in there before the punch line or the punch line is missed.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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Thanks, Ellen! I finally got a script in print. I'd been putting it off. I've been told that it's way to short to be considered a real script, so I'm thinking it's more of a skit.
Another line in the dialogue sure wouldn't hurt anything. I'll go back when 'm feeling a little more inspired.
I didn't even think about how folks might think this was someplace other than heaven. That's the problem with me being so right-brained. Honestly, I get so caught up in the big picture sometimes. I'm reading a book about that - The Plot Whisperer - where she talks about that. I tend to do things in an impulsive way. Got to work on that.
Thanks again for your great suggestions. Cheers, Bev
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LOL. I read it for so long wondering what I was missing and it was not knowing that they were in the after life. Maybe you can find a cool name for it besides Heaven give it another slant. They are in a section of the afterlife. Like I'm in FL and your in '?' After Life Manor/ Acres --- you can do better.
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Cool idea. For now, I've just changed it to heaven. I'll look at it with fresh eyes in the morning. That confusion may have been a problem for other folks, too. Being Christian, I make a lot of assumptions. Wish other viewers had mentioned it. Oh well. Thanks again.
Comment from ajdevore
What fun! You've covered the entire spectrum of musicology. I guess you couldn't use my hero Placido -- he's not among them yet. I can't wait for your next submission!
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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What fun! You've covered the entire spectrum of musicology. I guess you couldn't use my hero Placido -- he's not among them yet. I can't wait for your next submission!
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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Hi, aj. I adore Placido Domingo. In fact, Opera is my favorite of all the music I featured in the script. Thank you so much for your marvelous and uplifting review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Connie C
Wow! I am so impressed, Bev, with how cleverly you incorporate all these musicians from different eras into one story. I'm guessing you did a little research before posting this as is evident from your author's notes. And if this is your first attempt at script writing, then hats off to you, my friend. You were able to pull off this story through the use of dialogue only, and I do think that is a remarkable challenge, one that I would never even attempt. You should be proud of this, and I wish FS would let me give you six stars, but it won't. You have quickly become one of my favorites on this site, both with your writing and your reviewing. Connie xoxo
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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Wow! I am so impressed, Bev, with how cleverly you incorporate all these musicians from different eras into one story. I'm guessing you did a little research before posting this as is evident from your author's notes. And if this is your first attempt at script writing, then hats off to you, my friend. You were able to pull off this story through the use of dialogue only, and I do think that is a remarkable challenge, one that I would never even attempt. You should be proud of this, and I wish FS would let me give you six stars, but it won't. You have quickly become one of my favorites on this site, both with your writing and your reviewing. Connie xoxo
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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Aw, Connie. You have really touched my heart with your beautiful words, here. I have a feeling that we would be great buddies if we lived next to one another. But, as I can only know you through our writing, I'm just grateful for that. Thanks for your support for this new venture. I did enjoy doing the piece. I'm going to do more in the future, after I read a few books on how to do it the right way.
I always get a smile when I see your name on anything in my inbox. Isn't it lovely we can support each other this way. Life is good as my four-year-old nephew said once. Thanks so much, dear friend. Love ya, Bev
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What sweet things you always say, Bev. I'd love to have you as my neighbor! I know we'd be buddies for sure. Where exactly do you live anyway? I'm in Sacramento, CA. I often think about how great it would be if there were one big FS convention, and we could all seek each other out. That would be so wonderful! I have actually met for lunch with MissMerri a few times. She is a sweetheart, and I'm hoping perhaps to meet Blue Pixel maybe when she comes to the U.S. this year. Maybe someday you and I will meet! Love ya too. Connie
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Well, Connie, I live in Michigan but my husband and I plan to spend some time in Napa Valley during the winter months - we have vacationed there many times over the years. So, YOU will be on my dance card, sister!
I would love to meet MissMerri. She has such a beautiful spirit. And Carol coming to the U.S. - how cool is that. Xxx Bev
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I am SO close to Napa, so, by all means, we will have to connect, and maybe I'll just bring MissMerri along for the ride! Carol is also going to Napa on her trip. How funny it would be if you were both there at the same time. Looks like we got lots of time between now and then--something maybe to look forward to!
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OMG, that is so cool, Connie. I am sure that we can all get together somehow. I think that part of California is one of the most beautiful parts of this county. Usually, we head up to Mendocino for a few days, too, while we're there. Oh gosh, now I'm so excited!! Xxx Bev
Comment from ennahanid
I found this very clever and humorous and your cast of characters was quite brilliant. I do believe this is something I wouldn't touch in any way, shape or form and so I applaud you and give you a standing ovation and bow to your fantastic guests.
Dinah
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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I found this very clever and humorous and your cast of characters was quite brilliant. I do believe this is something I wouldn't touch in any way, shape or form and so I applaud you and give you a standing ovation and bow to your fantastic guests.
Dinah
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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Thanks for this delightful review, Dinah. I really appreciate you taking time to read my scene/script and offer such encouragement. You're most kind! Warm regards, Bev
