Deluded
Modified Triolets in Trochaic Meter ...40 total reviews
Comment from randomzed
I read your author's notes before the poem.
You can take criticism, can you?
O.K., but first let me state some something positive.
All in all, I liked your poem.
Soome turns of phrase are very clever.
e.g. "wisps of hollow warmth....."
"Shallow froth ........."
The warning refers to strong language, so I was expecting you to swear again.
But no, it is the message that is strong ....and clear!
I would put forth a word of caution.
Do you want to risk becoming known for berating this unfair system?
Your point is valid, but you've made it more than once.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2012
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I read your author's notes before the poem.
You can take criticism, can you?
O.K., but first let me state some something positive.
All in all, I liked your poem.
Soome turns of phrase are very clever.
e.g. "wisps of hollow warmth....."
"Shallow froth ........."
The warning refers to strong language, so I was expecting you to swear again.
But no, it is the message that is strong ....and clear!
I would put forth a word of caution.
Do you want to risk becoming known for berating this unfair system?
Your point is valid, but you've made it more than once.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2012
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Thanks so much, yes I'll take the criticism that you want to put forth. Every now and again people have a bitch about things here that are unfair and being no different I intend to have my say too. I have had a couple of recent posts about it but I do have to write what I feel at the time. This post however, was one that was buried for awhile and when I saw others were having their say, I got inspired to finish and post it...
Glad you enjoyed my rant, albeit repetitive rant. I guess if the same crap didn't happen, people wouldn't keep getting sick of it and writing about it huh? LOL
Cheers and thanks for a thoughtful review and I think I did have a strong word or two in this but not bad enough for some. You must have missed it. I had no reference to it in notes so some may have breezed over the top and not realised what I said. But thanks anyway for that. I think if you are from the UK there would have been no prob, but it is a term I don't think used largely in USA.
Cheers Closet
Comment from Bellringer
Closet, Excellent content, use of a meter not often employed, humor, truthful observations, and overall crafts-womanship. You join the ranks of other Fanstorians "speaking out" on this ongoing issue of ranking vs.. rank-writing. Loved the closing, hilarious mono-rhymed stanza. In addition to the "make-nice" reviews, there is the issue of reviewers who do not understand what they are reading (e.g., don't know what a sonnet is or understand a word) and give that work a low rating. I have shared my approach on reviewing with you in the past, so I won't belabor the point. As you ticked all the elements of originality, style and content, I am glad to give you a six. Blessings, Hector
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2012
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Closet, Excellent content, use of a meter not often employed, humor, truthful observations, and overall crafts-womanship. You join the ranks of other Fanstorians "speaking out" on this ongoing issue of ranking vs.. rank-writing. Loved the closing, hilarious mono-rhymed stanza. In addition to the "make-nice" reviews, there is the issue of reviewers who do not understand what they are reading (e.g., don't know what a sonnet is or understand a word) and give that work a low rating. I have shared my approach on reviewing with you in the past, so I won't belabor the point. As you ticked all the elements of originality, style and content, I am glad to give you a six. Blessings, Hector
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2012
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Hey there Hector, thanks so much. I know I am not the only one griping about this but I tend to say it a little less dressed up. Hopefully the deluded amongst us take the hint...if the hit rate to reviews is a hint then I just got the hint they DIDN'T like what I said at all. Haha...you think I care? NOPE!
Thanks for your delightful sixer review and have a great day.
I pride myself in both original reviews and not toutin too much tripe towards the top. Plus I can't darn well afford it...oneday, just oneday you might see the Closet touting her wares at the top of the page...but I will have to review solid for a year to be able to afford that and I would also have to have more front than David Jones (a chain of department stores here in Australia) so I guess its out the question as I ONLY have the latter in bucketfulls...now, I just gotta go do a bit more reviewing...see you at the top in a year! LOL LOL
Sorry about the cheeky response, I am in a very Closet mood today...you know what that means...
Cheers and thanks a bundle my friend. Have a great day, you just made mine with this bonza review.
Closet xoxo
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My pleasure, Closet. Sorry for the late response, but I've been busy with volunteer activities. Blessings, Hector
Comment from Jean Lutz
I am surprised that I have a six star left this late in the week, but I am delighted that I can reward it to you. If I had the power I would recommend it for Poem of the Month, but that honor is for chosen ones. I hope to stay a life-time member here and will probably die without figuring out the mechanics of writing poetry. I do, however, read for message and you made it very plain in this one. Hugs.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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I am surprised that I have a six star left this late in the week, but I am delighted that I can reward it to you. If I had the power I would recommend it for Poem of the Month, but that honor is for chosen ones. I hope to stay a life-time member here and will probably die without figuring out the mechanics of writing poetry. I do, however, read for message and you made it very plain in this one. Hugs.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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Wow, many thanks Joan, I appreciate your six star review and delighted that you enjoyed this. I think many here become frustrated with things and have to vent, after all, we're poets and writers...LOL
Thanks again, have a great day, you just made mine better.
Closet xoxo
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Pip. LOL...Give em hell, girl! Wow! I have been here since 2004 and seen a lot of stuff change, and a lot of ego-laden people come and go. I do get it, Pip. Your poem is to state a point and for that, you've done a good job in my opinion. Bravo! (plus I need the 62 cents) LOL...Just Kidding....Bob
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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Hi, Pip. LOL...Give em hell, girl! Wow! I have been here since 2004 and seen a lot of stuff change, and a lot of ego-laden people come and go. I do get it, Pip. Your poem is to state a point and for that, you've done a good job in my opinion. Bravo! (plus I need the 62 cents) LOL...Just Kidding....Bob
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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Hi Bob, you should know by now I won't take it lying down! LOL
2004? Really? Wow, you would have seen this place positively evolve...as to evolve positively..heehee. Yeah, take my frickin money! LOL Just kidding sweety boy. Thankyou for your delightful review that has enhanced my day.
Cheers Pip
xo
PS Now about that fiver...you said "good" job...thats a four ain't it?
ROFLMFAO
xx
Kidding again, always the kidder...
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Always a sexy sweetheart...that's what you are. (those eyes) Bob
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Oh for goodness sake...whats with my eyes?? LOL
Awww Bobby, you make me blush! LOL
Siwwiusly. x
Pip
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siwusssly...(wink) X0 Bob
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Smooth, Bobber...real smooth.
*still blushing*
*laughing a little too*
Pip x
I be dropping in soon to check out your latest chapter...I just been snowed under with a bunch of stuff.
I look forward to your next instalment. Siwwiusly.
Comment from miss_LXS
I agree. It's about time someone took a stand about that, it was beginning to remind me of Illinois politics. I liked the rhythm most of all; the energy was punchy just like the point well made. And I'm not just saying that for the graft lol.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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I agree. It's about time someone took a stand about that, it was beginning to remind me of Illinois politics. I liked the rhythm most of all; the energy was punchy just like the point well made. And I'm not just saying that for the graft lol.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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Haha thanks miss LXS I appreciate your honesty here. Do people really want critique or perhaps frothy accolades.
I know what I want. LOL
Cheers and thanks a bunch.
Closet
Comment from Hitcher
Deluded is an off the cuff, straight talking, tell it like it is, 62 cent gem. Definitely made me smile, I like your style, you've got a set of Ka-hooners on ya mate:) Of course I agree with you and yours, unfortunately it is apart of the site, it is how it is set up and is here to stay, the biggest losers being the deluded themselves. You kicked some serious ass here closet, NICE! Got to give you my last six, that is a couple of them I've given you now, guess I must like you and yours.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Deluded is an off the cuff, straight talking, tell it like it is, 62 cent gem. Definitely made me smile, I like your style, you've got a set of Ka-hooners on ya mate:) Of course I agree with you and yours, unfortunately it is apart of the site, it is how it is set up and is here to stay, the biggest losers being the deluded themselves. You kicked some serious ass here closet, NICE! Got to give you my last six, that is a couple of them I've given you now, guess I must like you and yours.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Wow, more six. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou. *bowing*...nice to know I could give you a smile AND make you think I have massive um - Kahooneys...LOL ...one hitch Hitch, over here Kahooners refer to da ladies assets on the chest and my set although very underated are not that ample. LMAO However if referring to the "nads" - which of course you must be...then yeah I have a secret set I bring out on ranty occasions. I had this post tucked away and everyone else seems to be bitchin about it lately, so I felt the need to release my 62cent gem as you call it. You my friend however are the GEM. You are bang on with the delusion bit...its only themselves they are fooling. Thanks for liking me and mine. I like you and yours too but re the sixers, I ran clean outta'em before I got to your sensual sexy frickin ass Sonnet. Thanks again and have a great weekend...you jest, er made mine in a big way.
Cheers C
xo
Comment from strandregs
I like the spirit . you sound almost as depressed as I am. :)
and here is my contribution to an alternative ending.
Bucks don't make a magic wandish!
(Z)
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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I like the spirit . you sound almost as depressed as I am. :)
and here is my contribution to an alternative ending.
Bucks don't make a magic wandish!
(Z)
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Yikes depressed? Oh NO my friend...just a little crapped off. LOL I LOVED your review and extra rhyme...I reckon I could have surely worked that magic stick in for sure.
You're da bomb Z!!!
Thanks a bundle...Closet xoxo
K.V. wrote Luna's Lament
The powerful solar wind in north England brought on this little mongrel. for a smile.
Loony Luna silly moon
lost her man to a buffoon
he fled to Mars Oh! what an arse
in clouds of gas his nose will pass....
in fact less heinous than Uranus.
You could do a Phd on the effects of electromagnetic fields on the
poet's creativity.
Yes the grass is always greener on the next planet.Z :)
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My my, you ARE naughty...I better come check you out! LOL
x
Comment from Sally Carter
Woohoooo, look out - she's crashing her way out of the closet. Is that a weapon in her hand???
CloPo, I SO shared your frustration when I read this.
And I think I probably agree with every single line. Heck one has to be careful here...
But yes, if you are at the top of the list, you seem to get the 6s, whatever you post.
And yes, SOME (not all) of the posters there really seem to think they are beyond any criticism or comment other than the ego stroking you refer to. Hell, if we were all that brilliant, we wouldn't be here, would we? We'd be out at book signings and doing TV interviews.
But we reviewers (as you identify) are just as bad. I have tried giving honest reviews to some of the offenders, and it just isn't worth it. A complete waste of time and just left me with bad vibes that I have struggled to shake off. So I shall simply not bother again. I'm certainly not going to do any stroking, nor do I want to post a comment that raises them higher.
Do you still bother to do "real" reviews of such poems, or do you give them a wide berth?
As to your poem, I could see the triolet there, but I really didn't care whether and how it was modified. It works a treat. It's only you could work in the phrase "truly wanking". Hahahaaaa.
So, an honest review - I think it's clever, definitely a 5, not a 6, and I loved every word! Will that do?
Sal xx
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Woohoooo, look out - she's crashing her way out of the closet. Is that a weapon in her hand???
CloPo, I SO shared your frustration when I read this.
And I think I probably agree with every single line. Heck one has to be careful here...
But yes, if you are at the top of the list, you seem to get the 6s, whatever you post.
And yes, SOME (not all) of the posters there really seem to think they are beyond any criticism or comment other than the ego stroking you refer to. Hell, if we were all that brilliant, we wouldn't be here, would we? We'd be out at book signings and doing TV interviews.
But we reviewers (as you identify) are just as bad. I have tried giving honest reviews to some of the offenders, and it just isn't worth it. A complete waste of time and just left me with bad vibes that I have struggled to shake off. So I shall simply not bother again. I'm certainly not going to do any stroking, nor do I want to post a comment that raises them higher.
Do you still bother to do "real" reviews of such poems, or do you give them a wide berth?
As to your poem, I could see the triolet there, but I really didn't care whether and how it was modified. It works a treat. It's only you could work in the phrase "truly wanking". Hahahaaaa.
So, an honest review - I think it's clever, definitely a 5, not a 6, and I loved every word! Will that do?
Sal xx
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Hey Sal, yeah Look out for sure! LOL I had to release this frustration with the site and you are bang on, not ALL but some are really beyond critique and some even like to answer with the big old MUTE button...every review I do is real Sal and they seem to get longer these days and I actually review LESS people...but yes, there are some who I have tried to help who simply don't appreciate it...or give none or little thanks at all. So I don't bother with those...they know NOT what they are missing it cos they'll never damn well have it to know what they've missed...others have thanked me and taken on board what I've said...I don't ever expect to influence every post I critique with a suggestion, just merely have the author acknowledge the help in some way is nice...if it does help, then I find that worthwhile too...but you can't win them all and at the end of the day it is only one persons opinion.
I am here so little at the moment due to a bunch of stuff I only WANT to read the good stuff. But am still prepared to look at new writers and take the time to help them navigate the site or review their stuff.
Glad you liked my wank off in this post...to be honest that never came up til the last minute tweak and I was actually able to have a dig at ourselves as reviewers with that so just had to take the second bite of the cherry.
All I am really saying is promote at any level you want but be prepared for all critique good and bad...second reviewers need to stop pussyfooting and reflect a proper rating or move on and let someone that can do it tactfully, do so...we would really have a better site I feel and less driven by the money and moreso by wonderful poetry and stories etc.
Cheers Sal and thanks a bunch...I'll take a fiver no probs...shit I'd take a four from my dear Sal if it was honestly worth that. I often learn more from a four believe it or not than a scane of fives and beyond.
Take care my friend, thanks for an awesome review and your sympathetic but ALWAYS constructive ear and nice to hear from you...I wonder are you still doing the radio gig? Hope its all going well if you are.
I am off to review another couple of yours I missed last round.
Cheers Clops xoxo
Comment from Louise Michelle
Well, C.P., there must be a lot of it hitting the fan, lol. Hope you brave folks aren't on anyone's hit list.
The basic problem with FanStory is that it is based on a reward system. At old-fashioned let's sit around the table and critique each other's work groups, people really want constructive criticism. At least that had always been my experience, and over the years I had attended four different writer's groups.
As I always say, take what you want and throw the rest in the garbage. What's great about this sight is that we can all read and write on our own time schedules. There are serious writers here and there are folks who are just having fun.
Although I fall into the 'having fun' category, I hope you realize by now that I am thick skinned and always welcome constructive criticism. And I think my meter has improved since I first switched from fiction to poetry. However, I am no longer writing for publication and am just trying to enjoy the time I spend here.
Hugs,
L.L.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Well, C.P., there must be a lot of it hitting the fan, lol. Hope you brave folks aren't on anyone's hit list.
The basic problem with FanStory is that it is based on a reward system. At old-fashioned let's sit around the table and critique each other's work groups, people really want constructive criticism. At least that had always been my experience, and over the years I had attended four different writer's groups.
As I always say, take what you want and throw the rest in the garbage. What's great about this sight is that we can all read and write on our own time schedules. There are serious writers here and there are folks who are just having fun.
Although I fall into the 'having fun' category, I hope you realize by now that I am thick skinned and always welcome constructive criticism. And I think my meter has improved since I first switched from fiction to poetry. However, I am no longer writing for publication and am just trying to enjoy the time I spend here.
Hugs,
L.L.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Hey LL...thanks so much for the delightful and supportive review and you are bang on the money...however I think there is a category called "having fun but promoting seriously" haha. In my book THAT is serious delusion...especially when a glowing review is expected in exchange for the cash. Empty accolades are not my thing and I would never expect ANYONE to give me a rating they didn't think I deserved no matter what I was paying.
I think the really good poets here get frustrated with the ones who can't write and WON'T take critique (one muted me for reviewing with integrity, tact and truly reflecting what the writes were worth which I find LOW)...and I do understand that there are people just having fun and of course the serious ones. I think if people want the site to be fair, then review and help as honestly as possible. With critique I am always careful to say "its only my opinion but YOUR poem". Unfortunately you will always get rule benders and those who are above critique of ANY kind.
Not my thing and I sure as shit said so...hope this is at least a wake up call for some...I f**kin doubt it mate.
Love ya LL...pressy leaving shores...next week, sorry I been so flat out.
Cheers SQCP...xoxo
(haha, knew you'd like me new call sign)
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Yeah, I hear ya. A real wake up call would be a biting letter from an editor at a publishing house. Actually, that would be a compliment. One should expect a standard form letter rejection. I love when you get real with me, but sweetie, you must translate. What does 'pressy leaving shores next week' mean? Pix once said if I listened it on a conversation between you two, I wouldn't understand what you were saying. She's right about that. And, yes, I like your new call sign. See you posted some more. Give me a bloody chance to have my morning coffee and workout first - lol. My smut piece is polished and I'll post it soon. The more I post, the more I have to write. What a hassle! Hugs, LL
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Your present...honey...the little one I was sending...SORRY for confusion and also being slack but I been real busy. Hmmm a contradiction me thinks.
Now I hear you got the smut ready...yippee...I look forward to a very dirty read.
I must say previously when you said you had the "smut" piece happening I think you slipped cos I am sure I read "slut" piece...
whoops...I gotta go back and check on that...what a cool slip! LOL
I just ran with it thinking you did actually mean "slut"...I am thinking now maybe you didn't...
Sorry honey, I've had a bad week.
x
CP
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I think you're right about slut. Isn't it weird how we think about our writing errors after we type and click to send. I thought I had made that mistake about an hour after I wrote you. What are you doing up? Isn't it around 1:00 AM in your time zone? No apologies necessary - I'm still looking forward to my surprise. Figured you've been working your butt off.
Comment from Gypsymooncat
BRAVO! HEAR, HEAR!!
Calm down ... breathe ...
Rightio, am normal now. This encapsulates what a lot of us feel on this Site. We love it, but dislike the over-promotion of what can be fluff, resulting in ranking that does not reflect talent or merit of work. There is, in my own view, probably only about 2% of work on the welcome page that is worthy of being there. The rest is the spoils of having more time and money to spend on promoting than others whose work is more often than not more worthy of being up there as well.
That said, we know who's good and who isn't. We all decide what work we like and the rest we'll ignore.
I love the structure of your poem, the tight flow and rhyme ... the whole thing; what else can I say, but stick those six stars on it and say BRAVO again :))
End of review.
Cheers
Chris
xoxoxoxoxoxo
PS: You call yourself closetpoetjester. I hope this doesn't mean you consider your poetic talent as a joke, coz it ain't.
END OF REVIEW
thank f*ck for that ... !!???
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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BRAVO! HEAR, HEAR!!
Calm down ... breathe ...
Rightio, am normal now. This encapsulates what a lot of us feel on this Site. We love it, but dislike the over-promotion of what can be fluff, resulting in ranking that does not reflect talent or merit of work. There is, in my own view, probably only about 2% of work on the welcome page that is worthy of being there. The rest is the spoils of having more time and money to spend on promoting than others whose work is more often than not more worthy of being up there as well.
That said, we know who's good and who isn't. We all decide what work we like and the rest we'll ignore.
I love the structure of your poem, the tight flow and rhyme ... the whole thing; what else can I say, but stick those six stars on it and say BRAVO again :))
End of review.
Cheers
Chris
xoxoxoxoxoxo
PS: You call yourself closetpoetjester. I hope this doesn't mean you consider your poetic talent as a joke, coz it ain't.
END OF REVIEW
thank f*ck for that ... !!???
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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I like you! LOL Bigtime! Your sixer review had me in hysterics Chris and its nice to know there are plenty here on my page including you. Thankyou! Unfortunately the ones who SHOULD be taking notice of this have shown through hit to review rates that I have browned them off yet again...I careth not! LOL I seriously don't give a flying fuck if they are offended. People round here both posting and reviewing need to get real or go to the bloody hospital for a backbone implant! LOL I loved your comments, your sixer and most of all your ATTITUDE baby...you're da bomb and I had to go check out some of your writes. I'm impressed. VERRRRRY. I be in shortly to review them. Nice to find yet another kindred spirit here who's free thinking is true to my own in terms of integrity and constructive advice. The true enablers here are the ones who review and just "make nice" take the bloody bucks and then go promote their own BS. I approach reviewing with the same zest as you and I can tell you know there are massive benefits from doing it properly...quality...not quantity works best with this me thinks. Anyway you're as funny as fuck and I'll be over soon to get acquainted.
Cheers and thanks a bunch Chris.
Phillippa xoxo
RE: closetpoetjester...derived from the fact I was not wanting to put my pic up when I came here and did feel a little reservation about everyone reading my stuff, so safer to hide.
I also write humour so combined the jester aspect. After 6 months I had to "come out" so to speak (no I'm NOT gay) ...heaps of people thought I was a guy from the way I wrote and spoke...my, my they were surprised when little ol me appeared! LOL Anyhow thats the story there....x
