Comment from Chris Tee

Excellent

This is absolutely magic poetry that you have composed here in a form of a sonnet. Well done indeed and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 07-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 07-Mar-2012

Thank you, Chris! Much appreciated, mate :-).

Mike

Comment from Earl of Oxford

Excellent

Brilliant multi-syllable and imaginative word choices, Mike, which elevate this perfectly rhymed and metered sonnet well above many staccato efforts I've read.

Excellent metaphors throughout, and I particularly like 'asylum's wall'. Sad sonnet atmosphere of unrequited or lost love.

Best wishes, earl

 Comment Written 07-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 07-Mar-2012

Thanks, Earl! There are few things worse than iambic meter achieved through single syllable words. I often revisit my own lines, trying to add a more elegant, more appropriate longer word where possible.

Mike

reply by Earl of Oxford on 07-Mar-2012

Indeed, Mike - a better, more apt or longer word can always be achieved if taking a look at the 1st draft which we're ALL impatient to post.

Comment from rtoddwatts22

Excellent

What a remarkable sonnet you have penned. You did a masterful
job of intertwining the angst of love with musical inferences.
The final two lines are a perfect closure to a stunning poem.
Best Wishes, Todd

 Comment Written 07-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 07-Mar-2012

Thanks so much, Todd - I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

Mike

Comment from Crackerberries

Excellent

I like the flow of how the poem read. But it's very deep. In fact too deep for me to even begin to comprehend... is it about a baby?

 Comment Written 07-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 07-Mar-2012

Thanks for having a go, and I'm glad you enjoyed the rhythm. It's about how love can become devotion, turning something beautiful into a threat.

Mike

Comment from WLHall

Excellent

You know I'm not the expert on poems, but I do know from reading this one that you used some very powerful, strong sounding words. Again, I believe this is an iambic pentameter which you have seemed to have mastered. Excellent poem which shows how love can turn dark. Love the heart-beating pic!

 Comment Written 07-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 07-Mar-2012

Thank you, Wanda :-). I adore writing sonnets - to the point I sometimes worry I'm getting stuck, but it's fun nevertheless!

Mike

Comment from randomzed

Excellent

I like your poem.
It's well crafted ...including picture and title.
I enjoyed reading it.
Inb fact, reqd it 3 times.
I haven't a clue as to what you are saying, but is it an enjoyable read?
Oh yes.

 Comment Written 07-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 07-Mar-2012

lol, I appreciate your honesty :-). It's about how love can become obsession, and simething beautiful can end up harmful.

Mike

reply by randomzed on 07-Mar-2012

Thank you. I'll read it again with that in mind.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

strong alternate-line rhyming in your quatrains and a strong closing rhyming couplet
good steady iambic meter makes for good flow
love the pairing of pontifications/persuasions'
excellent enjambment from one stanza to the other
I like the turn from the aria that twines souls to revealing they are twined in bondage
good alliterative grouping in dark/desperation's/devotion
powerful emotion in your closing. Brooke

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 Comment Written 07-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 07-Mar-2012

Thank you, Brooke :-). My mind's enjoying the darker side of things at the moment!

Mike

Comment from Janice Canerdy

Excellent

This is a well-crafted sonnet that meets the standards of rhyme and meter. It vividly conveys the theme that love has a dark side.

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 07-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 07-Mar-2012

Thank you, Janice. I'm glad the theme came across strongly :-).

Mike