Comment from victortouche

Excellent

You compres...cough, splutter, hack, up. You compressed? Is this irony of the most blatant kind? Ok, you compressed. I'd hate to see you pack for vacation. Man this story does wander a bit, but seems like a TV sitcom. It's just too hard for me to rate and do it justice. Liked it though.

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012

Well, you have to see it on stage. Every action foreshadows things to happen. I try dividing it into smaller sections but it's hard to do and have a cliff hanger. Anyway, thanks for tuning in, my dear.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

pedaling the word of God - peddling
Close the bag, pea brain - add comma for direct address
I like the humor in the Jehovah's Witness dialogue with the prospective landlady
Brooke :-)

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012

Those direct addresses hang me every time. Thanks for catching the misspelling.

Comment from nomi338

Excellent

This sounds interesting enough for me to want to follow it for a longer time. I must say that your characters sound a bit dumb. I hope that was your intention. I was amused by their interaction and I am curious at to what will transpire next.

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012

Yes, this is a farce and all the characters are lacking upstairs. Chapter 3 (Home Invasion) is still paying--72 cents

Comment from purrfect tale

Excellent

It's still going well and keeping me engaged with the story. What a creep, to take the money out of the vase!

Notes:

These pants (give) me a wedgie.

Megalax--the tasteless(,) odorless laxative

unexpected snowstorm (that's is) hitting all of New Jersey

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012

Spags corrected. Thanks my trusty proofreader. Yep, there's no honor among thieves.

Comment from rightforyou

Excellent

Well Done

I have never tried a script and after reading this feel inspired to try one in the future ...
This was so well done and very well penned making it a pleasure to read and review...Ron

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012

Thanks you, Ron. For me, the highest compliment is to inspire an author to try something new.

reply by rightforyou on 03-Mar-2012

It is a whole new approach at creative writing and one that requires a certain amount of talent that you have seemed to master quite well...Ron

reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012

I've received professional help along the way. There are definite pitfalls to avoid.

reply by rightforyou on 03-Mar-2012

I will be sure to read more of your work before I attempt to act like a fool and go untrained with out having success as an example...Ron

reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012

I'd be honored. Have a lot of scripts listed in my portfolio.

reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012

You might google writing stage plays for helpful tips.

reply by rightforyou on 03-Mar-2012

It will be a bit I will defiantly read more before giving a go at one and have your advise before releasing ...Ron

reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012

Be glad to help.

reply by rightforyou on 03-Mar-2012

I think it may be a while ...thanks for the kindness I will let you know when I am ready for the challenge...Ron

Comment from Gideon Roth

Excellent

Great job on this script. I have only written one script myself and that was several years ago. I thought this one was well done and hope to read more in the future...Gideon

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012

Thank you, Gideon. I have many scenes to add before the play is though. As you can see, this is scene 4.