Money, Money, Who's Got the Money?
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "MONEY: Sarge Wins "Two bank robbers hide in a women's boarding house.
16 total reviews
Comment from Adam J Santos
Shari, this is another humorous addition to your already wity book. The radio commercial for megalax made me laugh aloud. Mick and Mack are still the brainless wonders of your story. Sarge is senile and disconnected but that is what makes her interaction between Mick and Mack so funny. I enjoyed this chapter alot and am looking forward to seeing what happens next... Adam:)
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2012
  |
Shari, this is another humorous addition to your already wity book. The radio commercial for megalax made me laugh aloud. Mick and Mack are still the brainless wonders of your story. Sarge is senile and disconnected but that is what makes her interaction between Mick and Mack so funny. I enjoyed this chapter alot and am looking forward to seeing what happens next... Adam:)
Comment Written 06-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2012
-
Thanks, Adam. Appreciate the comments on characters. Megalax plays an important part later. Am posting next scene today.
Comment from Louise Michelle
What a hoot - Mack is really a pea brain. I love the way you blend religious commentary and metaphysical philosophy in such a hilarious scenario. You are such a talent, Shari. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2012
|
What a hoot - Mack is really a pea brain. I love the way you blend religious commentary and metaphysical philosophy in such a hilarious scenario. You are such a talent, Shari. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 06-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2012
-
And you're such a sweet flatterer. Don't stop! I need all the pats on the back I can get.
Comment from Domina
I like it,its something that everyone can understand even those with little english knowledge.the chapter is makes you want to read the rest of the book.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2012
 |
I like it,its something that everyone can understand even those with little english knowledge.the chapter is makes you want to read the rest of the book.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2012
-
Thanks for the review. Any suggestion for improvement?
Comment from God's Writer
A great addition to an already great story. The pace has picked up and it will be harder to keep this pace up for long without something major happening. Unless you are building up to something big, it may be better to slow things down a bit. I think overall this story is fantastic. Maybe a little more outside stuff like weather i.e. how hot or cold it is. Its raining or something inside to build out the pictures a little more. It won't detract from the story just give it more body. Thank you for getting my minds off of things.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
|
A great addition to an already great story. The pace has picked up and it will be harder to keep this pace up for long without something major happening. Unless you are building up to something big, it may be better to slow things down a bit. I think overall this story is fantastic. Maybe a little more outside stuff like weather i.e. how hot or cold it is. Its raining or something inside to build out the pictures a little more. It won't detract from the story just give it more body. Thank you for getting my minds off of things.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
-
Be patient, HP. Things get moving in next installment.
-
I am not impatient. Just concerned that you are building up your story with nothing that follows up. You have heightened everyone's expectations and need to slow the pace or drop one bombshell. Otherwise you will lose readers. ILUMPSW
Comment from Eleanor Buron
The dialog is really funny and the characters remain true to their personalites; you have a great way of creating 'individuals' - each one distinct. ;)
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
|
The dialog is really funny and the characters remain true to their personalites; you have a great way of creating 'individuals' - each one distinct. ;)
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
-
You know, Elly, there's a little bit of my personality woven into every female character. Now there's something to think about.
-
That's a lot to think about. LOL
Comment from barkingdog
Now you've got me wondering who's upstairs with Loony. I thought Mack went downstair. Madness and mayhem in this bording house never ceases.
It looks like the weather will trap them in?
Nicely paced.
Is 'read hands' preferable over 'reads palms?' I'm just so used to seeing the latter.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
|
Now you've got me wondering who's upstairs with Loony. I thought Mack went downstair. Madness and mayhem in this bording house never ceases.
It looks like the weather will trap them in?
Nicely paced.
Is 'read hands' preferable over 'reads palms?' I'm just so used to seeing the latter.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
-
You'll be surprised when you found out about Loony. Mack is downstaris. I'll check on the other. "Read palms" is right, but it would depend on which characters uses the expression. THanks for reading.
-
I'm always ready to be surprised. LOL
Comment from peggles
This one made me sit up and give it my full attention
I think your characters are barmy in the extreme
I hope that was how you meant them to come across
I did laugh at their conversations how could they be bank robbers more like a disaster waiting to happen
I enjoyed this so much
Now am curious to see what happens next
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
 |
This one made me sit up and give it my full attention
I think your characters are barmy in the extreme
I hope that was how you meant them to come across
I did laugh at their conversations how could they be bank robbers more like a disaster waiting to happen
I enjoyed this so much
Now am curious to see what happens next
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
-
Thanks peggles. Yes, the characters are extreme as in the case in a farce as opposed to a comedy. Thank you so much for the six star rating! XX Shari
Comment from ameen786
Loving it my friend, and every time you bring up the Jehovah Witness dialogue, I have to explain my wife why I laughed, the mystery is getting more intriguing, you rock!
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
|
Loving it my friend, and every time you bring up the Jehovah Witness dialogue, I have to explain my wife why I laughed, the mystery is getting more intriguing, you rock!
Comment Written 03-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
-
Thanks, my faithful reviewer. Added the footnote about farce because some reviews mention it's so far out.
Comment from LilHippie
Oh, its heating up now! They are too funny, Mickey and Mack. Cannot believe he took those wet bills. You have created two dizzball criminals here, love it. Sarge does not know what's up at all, she is just clueless. I am picturing this as a sitcom now. Hey, there are completely horrible sitcoms that RUN on TV, so this would be a breath of fresh air, really! I am loving it!
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012
|
Oh, its heating up now! They are too funny, Mickey and Mack. Cannot believe he took those wet bills. You have created two dizzball criminals here, love it. Sarge does not know what's up at all, she is just clueless. I am picturing this as a sitcom now. Hey, there are completely horrible sitcoms that RUN on TV, so this would be a breath of fresh air, really! I am loving it!
Comment Written 03-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012
-
Thanks, so much Lil. Your comments are always so encouraging.
Comment from Tonulak
Hi Shari,
...My first impression is that this took a sort of slapstick/burlesque turn rather than the Theater of Absurd turn that I was feeling earlier. I liked the robbers pretending to be witnesses, Sarge coming out with the giant bras, but I think the one robber was just a little bit too stupid. it shreds my belief that he could rob a bank. Make him nutty; a phobia, OCD something beside broadly dumb. Just my impression. I think you have something pretty good going here, so I'm giving very honest feedback--Ted
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012
|
Hi Shari,
...My first impression is that this took a sort of slapstick/burlesque turn rather than the Theater of Absurd turn that I was feeling earlier. I liked the robbers pretending to be witnesses, Sarge coming out with the giant bras, but I think the one robber was just a little bit too stupid. it shreds my belief that he could rob a bank. Make him nutty; a phobia, OCD something beside broadly dumb. Just my impression. I think you have something pretty good going here, so I'm giving very honest feedback--Ted
Comment Written 03-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012
-
Thanks, Ted. I really appreciate the feedback. It is a farce and suppose to be on the slapstick side. A farce is exaggerated comedy. I'm sure you knew that. Further along, you'll find out how he became a part of this. A play is like a mystery, constantly unfolding.
