Money, Money, Who's Got the Money?
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "MONEY: Home Invasion "Two bank robbers hide in a women's boarding house.
11 total reviews
Comment from Adam J Santos
Shari, I enjoyed how this plays out like a sitcom. I didn't read the other parts but I will... The interaction between Mick and Mack seems believable and is humorous. The way you portrayed their accents in the character devolopment helps to create a mental picture in the reader's eyes and mind. I enjoyed it and am looking forward to reading more. Take care Adam:)
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012
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Shari, I enjoyed how this plays out like a sitcom. I didn't read the other parts but I will... The interaction between Mick and Mack seems believable and is humorous. The way you portrayed their accents in the character devolopment helps to create a mental picture in the reader's eyes and mind. I enjoyed it and am looking forward to reading more. Take care Adam:)
Comment Written 03-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012
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Thanks, Adam. So appreciated that you took time to review.
Comment from Eleanor Buron
Interesting scene with lots of humor. The personality quirks add extra padding, for instance Mack arranging everything big to small. Good scene.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012
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Interesting scene with lots of humor. The personality quirks add extra padding, for instance Mack arranging everything big to small. Good scene.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012
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This OCD keeps Mack from becoming a sterotype. Just posted next chapter.
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Will get to it. ;)
Comment from Louise Michelle
Oh, Shari, I laughed at your dig 'He's Catholic and definitely needs a new religion.' Don't think I ever mentioned but my husband's Catholic too. (I don't hold it against him.) The easiest way to get rid of a Jehovah's Witness is to tell them you are an atheist. I tried it and it works, lol. Another fun and entertaining read. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2012
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Oh, Shari, I laughed at your dig 'He's Catholic and definitely needs a new religion.' Don't think I ever mentioned but my husband's Catholic too. (I don't hold it against him.) The easiest way to get rid of a Jehovah's Witness is to tell them you are an atheist. I tried it and it works, lol. Another fun and entertaining read. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 02-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2012
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Thanks, Lou. (My husband's Catholic too and I bite my tongue sometimes. In fact, when JW's come around, he tells them he's Catholic and that shuts them up too.
Comment from the blue pixel
The boys are so dumb, they are quite delightful. I decided to take a look and see how a script is written and I can see every move, even imagine every facial expressions. You have held firm to your characters way of speaking and this moved along so quickly with your punchy and very realistic dialogue, I am quite in awe Shari. Thank you for showing me how it's done. xx Pix
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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The boys are so dumb, they are quite delightful. I decided to take a look and see how a script is written and I can see every move, even imagine every facial expressions. You have held firm to your characters way of speaking and this moved along so quickly with your punchy and very realistic dialogue, I am quite in awe Shari. Thank you for showing me how it's done. xx Pix
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Thank you sweet Pix. I always value a six. This play has undergone a lot of revision after receiving excellent feedback from professionals after a performance. And it all started with a dream! Just one situation that woke me up laughing and heading for the computer.
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This is the way that many great works come about Shari; with the need to jump out of bed and race to the computer.
Comment from TammyGail
Oh this was great Spitfire, I have a feeling these shits are gonna get what's coming to them, I'm behind like crazy but I'll be finding the other part to this, thanks for sharing it was a pleasure..
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Oh this was great Spitfire, I have a feeling these shits are gonna get what's coming to them, I'm behind like crazy but I'll be finding the other part to this, thanks for sharing it was a pleasure..
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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I know part2 is still paying, maybe even 1. Why not see and bookmark them. Then you can read them at leisure and still get the points, I believe. Yes, the ladies do give the men a run for their money.
Comment from purrfect tale
These crooks may think they're running things but I have a feeling the ladies in this house will be calling the shots. Good back story about the sister.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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These crooks may think they're running things but I have a feeling the ladies in this house will be calling the shots. Good back story about the sister.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Thanks,purrfect. Yes, I needed some reason for Mickey to rob the bank besides just the money. Therefore, a mean sister.
Comment from LilHippie
Loving this. I absolutely LOVE the obsessive compulsive Mack. Too funny, they are discussing the robbery, their futures, hiding, meeting up with the boss, and he is running around straightening pictures, magazines, items on desk. Too too funny. This is so good. Cannot wait for next part. This is so good. You can picture them all. Does Sarge have a beauty mark on her face? She has a beauty mark damn it!!!!
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Loving this. I absolutely LOVE the obsessive compulsive Mack. Too funny, they are discussing the robbery, their futures, hiding, meeting up with the boss, and he is running around straightening pictures, magazines, items on desk. Too too funny. This is so good. Cannot wait for next part. This is so good. You can picture them all. Does Sarge have a beauty mark on her face? She has a beauty mark damn it!!!!
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Thanks for loving Mack. Have you known people like that? Sarge with a beauty mark ? That's an interesting thought!
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In my head she is a blond woman who is still pretty, but in a seasoned way, she is kind of a largish woman, strong and has this beauty mark between her cheek and mouth. I don't know, can't help it. The worst was when I had all the characters in Stephen King's "The Stand" pictured in my head. This is his masterpiece, in my opinion. Anyway, when they did the 7 part movie on regular TV, I was so disappointed with the actors/actesses they chose (except for a few which I had pictured dead on) that it actually distracted me from enjoying it. Too funny.
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Sorry, did not answer your question. Yes, I know a few people who have OCD. A couple of them are actually addicted people. Children of friends.
Comment from barkingdog
And now we have an OCD robber, Mack and his talkative buddy, Mickey the pretend detec-a-tive( I had to laugh at that) telling Sarge what to do. That should turn out well. LOL
Good intro to the robbers personalities and somewhere there's a Trixie. I wonder if she'll show up, too.
Onward and upward. This is coming along so well.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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And now we have an OCD robber, Mack and his talkative buddy, Mickey the pretend detec-a-tive( I had to laugh at that) telling Sarge what to do. That should turn out well. LOL
Good intro to the robbers personalities and somewhere there's a Trixie. I wonder if she'll show up, too.
Onward and upward. This is coming along so well.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Thanks, Elly. I'm glad my readers are enjoying this as much as I did writing it.
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The characters are great. Real people we've all known at sometime or other.
Comment from M. Karol
Interesting. Got the drift of the story. So the runaways are looking for a place. Like the dialect. Makes it look authentic. Could imagine the whole scene with ease. Well written.
Madhvi
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Interesting. Got the drift of the story. So the runaways are looking for a place. Like the dialect. Makes it look authentic. Could imagine the whole scene with ease. Well written.
Madhvi
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Thanks, M. karol. I believe scenes 1 and 2 are still paying cents to be read-- at least scene 2.
Comment from ameen786
Loving it my friend, every single dialogue and the consistency you maintain with the characters is amazing, "Jehovah Witness"--someone on trial...made me crack up so loud that I have to explain to my wife, keep them coming friend, your father's genes are showing.
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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Loving it my friend, every single dialogue and the consistency you maintain with the characters is amazing, "Jehovah Witness"--someone on trial...made me crack up so loud that I have to explain to my wife, keep them coming friend, your father's genes are showing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Thanks, ameen. I'm sure if he were alive, he'd give me some ideas on this.
