Money, Money, Who's Got the Money?
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "MONEY: A Surprise for Kandy "Two bank robbers hide in a women's boarding house.
12 total reviews
Comment from victortouche
This is pretty spunky. These things are hard for me to rate. I liked it, however, if this were a play I am attending... Seemed a little like Golden Girls. Maybe you should look up Betty White? I am smitten, but it had better hurry up with the whack!
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012
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This is pretty spunky. These things are hard for me to rate. I liked it, however, if this were a play I am attending... Seemed a little like Golden Girls. Maybe you should look up Betty White? I am smitten, but it had better hurry up with the whack!
Comment Written 03-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2012
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It is a farce which is basically slap stick. And plays were meant to be performed not read. I don't get your comment about the whack?
Rating is generally concerned with dialogue advancing the plot and characters staying consistent, each with a different personality. Thanks, sweetheart for taking the time to review.
Comment from Eleanor Buron
The action picks up with the appearance of the bank robbers. ;) The lively dialog among the women keep this scene rolling along at a great pace. the characters are true to their personalities (read last scene) and the humor is great.
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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The action picks up with the appearance of the bank robbers. ;) The lively dialog among the women keep this scene rolling along at a great pace. the characters are true to their personalities (read last scene) and the humor is great.
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Thanks, Elly. I'll post the next scene tomorrow.
Comment from Louise Michelle
Well, Shari, this was a treat to read. Your humor was woven throughout with the characterizations as well as descriptions and well chosen names. Officer Buddinkski (he doesn't mind his own business); Crystal (the fortune teller) and so forth.
A favorite line: "I'm a palm reader, not FBI agent."
Just one suggestion. Oy, veh, you need to get yourself a Yiddish spell checker or maybe try eating some matzah ball soup. Lol, Lou
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Well, Shari, this was a treat to read. Your humor was woven throughout with the characterizations as well as descriptions and well chosen names. Officer Buddinkski (he doesn't mind his own business); Crystal (the fortune teller) and so forth.
A favorite line: "I'm a palm reader, not FBI agent."
Just one suggestion. Oy, veh, you need to get yourself a Yiddish spell checker or maybe try eating some matzah ball soup. Lol, Lou
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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I googled ov veh and that's how it's spelled. Two words and I didn't use a comma. Definition: Oh,woe is me! Your favorite line is mine too. Great minds etc. Thanks for the review.
Comment from FlamingSpade
Well, I want know what happens next. This was a good read, but it had to have been hard to write with such an accent! Anyway, I really liked it! Ginger
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Well, I want know what happens next. This was a good read, but it had to have been hard to write with such an accent! Anyway, I really liked it! Ginger
Comment Written 28-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Yes, I had to keep reminding myself to keep Crystal in character.
Thanks for the review, sweetie.
Comment from adewpearl
I love the running joke about magazine theft. LOL
I be palm reader, not FBI agent - nothing like a medium with an attitude ;-)
a trip to the sun at night so she wouldn't burn up - this really is funny stuff :-)
Brooke
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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I love the running joke about magazine theft. LOL
I be palm reader, not FBI agent - nothing like a medium with an attitude ;-)
a trip to the sun at night so she wouldn't burn up - this really is funny stuff :-)
Brooke
Comment Written 28-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Thanks, Brooke. As you can see, I love to write comedy.
Comment from God's Writer
I am starting to get the hang of this, but still feel like I missed something. Your story has picked a rather fast pace to fun on. Still seems kind of busy though. But that is what happens with a house full of women. I know from experience. Thank you for this wonderful chapter.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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I am starting to get the hang of this, but still feel like I missed something. Your story has picked a rather fast pace to fun on. Still seems kind of busy though. But that is what happens with a house full of women. I know from experience. Thank you for this wonderful chapter.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Thanks, my sweet. Things get moving with entrance of thieves.
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It looks like it. I have spent all day removing bugs from this thing. I am going to go to bed soon. Will save a warm spot for you.
Comment from Tonulak
Shari,
I'm so loving this:)
Lots of just funny little touches that just fly by, like the lady sitting on the magazines when the cop comes, the always changing dynmaics between the crazy women. this is awesome!
Great job.
You have won the exclusive "Around the World Pump"
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Shari,
I'm so loving this:)
Lots of just funny little touches that just fly by, like the lady sitting on the magazines when the cop comes, the always changing dynmaics between the crazy women. this is awesome!
Great job.
You have won the exclusive "Around the World Pump"
Comment Written 28-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Thank you, my sweet teddy bear (known as Loony's Mr. Squirrel) and since she's my favorite character, you'll be on my lap when she sits down. Since I only weigh 116, I guess it's not a good idea.
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I'm good with that--I'm a strong guy:)
Comment from LilHippie
Uh-oh! Knew they were coming! This is so great. So creative. I love it. Well, now you have unlimited possibilties, cannot wait to see what you do with the story now. I absolutely love "Officer Budinski" Great! So great that name. This is a kooky collection of real women in dire financial straits. And its set in Jersey? Sounds like it by the cop's weather warning. I am in North Jersey. I love this.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Uh-oh! Knew they were coming! This is so great. So creative. I love it. Well, now you have unlimited possibilties, cannot wait to see what you do with the story now. I absolutely love "Officer Budinski" Great! So great that name. This is a kooky collection of real women in dire financial straits. And its set in Jersey? Sounds like it by the cop's weather warning. I am in North Jersey. I love this.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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OMG,another sixer. You are a dream. I use to live in Newark. I figured the house would be located somewhere near the border line of Delaware and Jersey. The snowstorm plays a big role later on.
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Oooooh, loving the sound of that already. I think I just saw Stephen King's shadow run into my bathroom, he wants to see where the storm takes them. Yeah, I know, the brain just will not stop. My friend says to me, "how is it I was talking about ShopRite and groceries and you are now telling me about the dog with some extraordinary collar?" Well when she said ShopRite I though of the man in the deli section who works full time for Science Diet dog food, and there you go. She does not write, not even a shoppin list, so does not share that insanity.
Comment from Asyraf N. Jamsari
Great story. Good idea to come out with. The points are easy to read. Admire the way you keep the rhythm and the flow goes. Keep up the good work
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Great story. Good idea to come out with. The points are easy to read. Admire the way you keep the rhythm and the flow goes. Keep up the good work
Comment Written 28-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Thanks Asyraf. I know it's a long read but it moves fast and hopefully makes the reader laugh.
Comment from ameen786
You know Spitfire, it's so easy to imagine watching this whole drama on a stage, love the wit/sarcasm in the dialogues and I wonder with the bank robbers in the house, the ladies going to cooperate and teach them how to die?
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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You know Spitfire, it's so easy to imagine watching this whole drama on a stage, love the wit/sarcasm in the dialogues and I wonder with the bank robbers in the house, the ladies going to cooperate and teach them how to die?
Comment Written 28-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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That's funny. Teach them how to die. The thieves have one thing going for them--a gun!
