Deirdre
All kinds of crazy36 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is ery well written, susan, you did a great job writing this story about the stuffed dog that came to life and killed his owner. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
  |
this is ery well written, susan, you did a great job writing this story about the stuffed dog that came to life and killed his owner. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
-
Hi there Sweet! Thank you very much! Just glad you enjoyed...that's what it's all about! hugs and smiles... Susan
Comment from Ted T
Hi Susan :)
Basically, you have a good story here. It gets a little hard to follow in some places.
Apparently you're stuck on writing some of your dialogue the way people really speak and it doesn't read well.
The ending has promise, but you didn't lay enough ground work for the girl appearing as an old hag so quickly and briefly. You should've foreshadowed the dog coming to life. It plays like a cheap teen scare flick.
You switch from past to present tense in the last two paragraphs. Also, it isn't clear if the guy is dieing. If he is, then you've made a mistake I've told numerous writers to avoid. If your main character is the story teller, how he tell the story after he's dead? He can't.
Good luck with the contest.
Ted
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
 |
Hi Susan :)
Basically, you have a good story here. It gets a little hard to follow in some places.
Apparently you're stuck on writing some of your dialogue the way people really speak and it doesn't read well.
The ending has promise, but you didn't lay enough ground work for the girl appearing as an old hag so quickly and briefly. You should've foreshadowed the dog coming to life. It plays like a cheap teen scare flick.
You switch from past to present tense in the last two paragraphs. Also, it isn't clear if the guy is dieing. If he is, then you've made a mistake I've told numerous writers to avoid. If your main character is the story teller, how he tell the story after he's dead? He can't.
Good luck with the contest.
Ted
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
-
Hi Ted! I will work on this tomorrow. Probably should wait tho. I don't know how the contest rules go for such things. I do appreciate your ideas and help! ps...tho, he's not dead, but almost! :) Susan
-
Hi Susan :)
If he's alive okay, work with it.
Ted
-
I will! Just not tonight...I'm so drained. I do love knowing your opinion/s. Sleep tight my kind helper...Susan
-
Okay :)
Comment from Rattler
Nice entry for the contest.
Very nice twist. That picture is scary all on its on. It goes great with your story as well.
I wish you good luck.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
|
Nice entry for the contest.
Very nice twist. That picture is scary all on its on. It goes great with your story as well.
I wish you good luck.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
-
Hi Rattler! Thank you! Always nice to hear your thoughts! Happy St. Patty's Day! Susan
Comment from c_lucas
Wierd. This is the Girlfried from Hell. Your post is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very easy read. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
|
Wierd. This is the Girlfried from Hell. Your post is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very easy read. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
-
Hi Charley....thank you. I tried! May have to work on this tho...but if you enjoyed it, then, I'm happy! Thanks again my friend. Susan
-
You're welcome, Susan. Charlie
Comment from reconciled
Hey...your freak'in me out, how do you know how a man thinks? Listen Susan, yr yr your a LADY right?...(LOL) EXCEPTIONAL!! write, so clever its scary. Love, respect and stand in awe of your writing, and its range. Bravo! my friend this is one of my favorites...so friekin creepy- the stuffed dogs -Wooooo Wooooo chicken left the coop(LOL) You got this for sure kid. Love ya -Michael
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
|
Hey...your freak'in me out, how do you know how a man thinks? Listen Susan, yr yr your a LADY right?...(LOL) EXCEPTIONAL!! write, so clever its scary. Love, respect and stand in awe of your writing, and its range. Bravo! my friend this is one of my favorites...so friekin creepy- the stuffed dogs -Wooooo Wooooo chicken left the coop(LOL) You got this for sure kid. Love ya -Michael
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
-
Yep, I'm old tho! LOL! Just somehow know. I think I've had past lives Michael. I really do. It's fun to be someone I'm not once in a while! :) I love this fun and enthusiastic review...the best compliment of all !!! Is to have fun reactions! Thank you so much Michael. :)) Susan
-
Thank me?....thank YOU!
Comment from Joy Graham
Oh wow! That's pretty gruesome. I would not like to be in a room with stuffed animals. It gives me the shivers just thinking about it. I wonder if he will be stuffed and kept on display?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
|
Oh wow! That's pretty gruesome. I would not like to be in a room with stuffed animals. It gives me the shivers just thinking about it. I wonder if he will be stuffed and kept on display?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
-
:) Ha! Hi Joy! I once visited a very wealthy friend's basement...it was FULL of animals from all over the world...all but an elephant. I was sad...and I do not like hunting. Period. I'm also trying to eat A LOT less meat too. I want to almost eliminate it someday. But in this story, the girl is a witch and brings Percival back to life. I'll maybe have to clarify that? Let me know if you think so too. I trust your ideas...Thank you again!! Good to hear from your! xoxo. Susan
