Deirdre
All kinds of crazy36 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
Great story, Susan. You really made it come to life and it takes a really creative lady to do it from the male point of view. It had a very creapy ending with is as it should be. By the congratulations on your recognition by FanStory for being just a wonderful writer.
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Great story, Susan. You really made it come to life and it takes a really creative lady to do it from the male point of view. It had a very creapy ending with is as it should be. By the congratulations on your recognition by FanStory for being just a wonderful writer.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
Comment from J. P. Egry
Pretty good horror entry for the contest. It had me nervous. Good mix of narrative and dialogue. The dialogue was natural--just the way the characters would have spoken in real life.
I have a few suggestions if it's not too late:
The prose switches between present and past tense. It would be better to keep it consistently one way or the other.
I would liked to have seen a little more development at the end of the story. I don't know exactly what, but it seemed abrupt--perhaps build the suspense a little more.
I wasn't sure if Deirdre was driving a Camaro (Chevy) or a Camry (Toyota).
Overall, good story for the contest---you did a lot with "The room was empty."
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Pretty good horror entry for the contest. It had me nervous. Good mix of narrative and dialogue. The dialogue was natural--just the way the characters would have spoken in real life.
I have a few suggestions if it's not too late:
The prose switches between present and past tense. It would be better to keep it consistently one way or the other.
I would liked to have seen a little more development at the end of the story. I don't know exactly what, but it seemed abrupt--perhaps build the suspense a little more.
I wasn't sure if Deirdre was driving a Camaro (Chevy) or a Camry (Toyota).
Overall, good story for the contest---you did a lot with "The room was empty."
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
Comment from jadapenn
Ooh, gruesome tale of all these stuffed animals. Percival was one mean machine. You had me glued to the page with this interesting story. I loved it and the twist at the end was good. I suspected something like this. Fool man, going back just to be killed. Well done and best wishes for the contest. luv jada
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Ooh, gruesome tale of all these stuffed animals. Percival was one mean machine. You had me glued to the page with this interesting story. I loved it and the twist at the end was good. I suspected something like this. Fool man, going back just to be killed. Well done and best wishes for the contest. luv jada
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
Comment from Dave M
Susan,
This is an excellent, grisly tale about a violent woman. I enjoyed reading this post but have a general comment and two nits:
It took me a while to realize that the protagonist is a man. You might have that up front, perhaps with a male name.
"A tinge of guilt, or was it regret, hit my conscious [consciousness? conscience?] like a ton of bricks."
"And the big lights illuminate [illuminated] her blonde hair."
Dave
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Susan,
This is an excellent, grisly tale about a violent woman. I enjoyed reading this post but have a general comment and two nits:
It took me a while to realize that the protagonist is a man. You might have that up front, perhaps with a male name.
"A tinge of guilt, or was it regret, hit my conscious [consciousness? conscience?] like a ton of bricks."
"And the big lights illuminate [illuminated] her blonde hair."
Dave
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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HI Dave! Thanks! I think I have these fixed....thank you for the help! Now, back to painting! It's sure nice out!! :)) Hope you guys are enjoying some nice days!! Susan
Comment from Spitfire
So Percival turned out to be Cujo after all! Sounds as if his animal spirit moved into Deidre. Not so far fetched when you consider her obsession. Nice work with dialogue and narrative, Susan. I didn't know where this was going, but looking back I see the foreshadowing with reference to Cujo.
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So Percival turned out to be Cujo after all! Sounds as if his animal spirit moved into Deidre. Not so far fetched when you consider her obsession. Nice work with dialogue and narrative, Susan. I didn't know where this was going, but looking back I see the foreshadowing with reference to Cujo.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
Comment from KathyH
What a great story. Kept my attention the whole time...just the right amount of creepy and engaging. Terrific dialogue and of course, the perfect ending. Kathy
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What a great story. Kept my attention the whole time...just the right amount of creepy and engaging. Terrific dialogue and of course, the perfect ending. Kathy
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
Comment from Carrie Smith
Darn good writing, Susan. Your usual descriptive wording make this a joy to read and thought the dialogue well done. Felt a sense of doom from the second sentence. Deirdre" obsession with Percival finally driving her insane - spooky. The ideas that jump from that creative head of yours are amazing. xxSusan
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Darn good writing, Susan. Your usual descriptive wording make this a joy to read and thought the dialogue well done. Felt a sense of doom from the second sentence. Deirdre" obsession with Percival finally driving her insane - spooky. The ideas that jump from that creative head of yours are amazing. xxSusan
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Susan,
This is a marvelous story, I always wonder where you inspiration comes from. Maybe your vivid imagination! I like the creepiness of this write. In the end Percival and Deirdre have the last word. The ending is stunning and I was not expecting it. Well done and good luck in the contest....blessings, chey ******
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Hi Susan,
This is a marvelous story, I always wonder where you inspiration comes from. Maybe your vivid imagination! I like the creepiness of this write. In the end Percival and Deirdre have the last word. The ending is stunning and I was not expecting it. Well done and good luck in the contest....blessings, chey ******
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
Comment from JW
Wow. What a horror story.
The ending proved the first thoughts I had while reading this were correct - something is definitely wrong with a person who wants to keep a stuff version of their dead pets.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
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Wow. What a horror story.
The ending proved the first thoughts I had while reading this were correct - something is definitely wrong with a person who wants to keep a stuff version of their dead pets.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
Comment from Mastery
Hi,Suze. Well, now...it Is a real coincidence that we both have postings titled "Deirdre" Is that freaky or what? My last chapter was called that. LOL..This is a good contest entry, my friend. Your dialogue carries the story because it is well done. Sort of weird story, but then that helps...LOL..Good Luck with it. Bob
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Hi,Suze. Well, now...it Is a real coincidence that we both have postings titled "Deirdre" Is that freaky or what? My last chapter was called that. LOL..This is a good contest entry, my friend. Your dialogue carries the story because it is well done. Sort of weird story, but then that helps...LOL..Good Luck with it. Bob
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
