The Hole
blank verse about familial secrets18 total reviews
Comment from sallyray
This poem makes me think of the dark times in life when a person is not sure what he should do or where life will take him. It concentrates on fear, bad memories and what we should have done. I can almost feel a cold and dark breeze blowing against my body as I re-read your words. I believe you could write some good horror stories that would seem very believable!
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
  |
This poem makes me think of the dark times in life when a person is not sure what he should do or where life will take him. It concentrates on fear, bad memories and what we should have done. I can almost feel a cold and dark breeze blowing against my body as I re-read your words. I believe you could write some good horror stories that would seem very believable!
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
-
Thank you, Sally :-). I do quite enjoy writing dark stories (though I never liked reading them!). This was an attempt to squeeze all the pleasantry from a scene, leaving it as dark and devoid of hope as possible.
Mike
-
:) I think we all have a taste of the dark side within! (just a little)
Comment from Herb
As usual a lot to think about here Mike. Of course that black hole could signify many different things in different people. Making the poem universal and generic. I had to look up a few words too, which is always good. Learning as I read. :)
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
|
As usual a lot to think about here Mike. Of course that black hole could signify many different things in different people. Making the poem universal and generic. I had to look up a few words too, which is always good. Learning as I read. :)
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
-
Thanks, Peter. It's good to have people reading who are open to seeing different interpretations instead of asking me what it's about! Glad you enjoyed it, mate - I do love the darker side :-)
Mike
Comment from WLHall
Excellent, Mike. You make the most of every word you write. I am still learning about poetry types and I believe this is an iambic pentameter or is it lambic? What's the difference? I have heard both terms and get confused of what is what. Anyway, it has lots of imagery and imagination. It still amazes me you (or anyone else can come up with a poem which has this meter, yet makes sense. Very nice!
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
|
Excellent, Mike. You make the most of every word you write. I am still learning about poetry types and I believe this is an iambic pentameter or is it lambic? What's the difference? I have heard both terms and get confused of what is what. Anyway, it has lots of imagery and imagination. It still amazes me you (or anyone else can come up with a poem which has this meter, yet makes sense. Very nice!
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
-
Thank you :-). This is in iambic pentameter - that's because each line has five sets of two syllables (hence the 'pent' for five). These get called 'iambic feet' ...
Iambic describes the type of meter; alternating unstressed and stressed syllables. Because iambic meter requires two syllables at a time to work, each 'foot' contains two syllables (an unstressed followed by a stresses).
The Pentameter refers to how many feet exist in each line of the poem. So Iambic Pentameter has five feet (totally ten syllables) per line, whereas Iambic Trimeter, for example, has three feet (six syllables) per line.
There are other types of meter (such as Trochaic, which is a stressed syllable followed by an unstressed one in each foot, and Anapestic, which is two unstressed syllables followed by a single stressed one per foot), but Iambic is the most common.
The trick with meter is arranging words so that the stresses dictated by the meter fall in natural positions for the pronunciation of the words. For example, the following line is in iambic pentameter:
the cocktail's taste was punchy and divine
It flows smoothly from the mind's tongue because we are emphasizing syllables as we pronounce each words that create an iambic rhythm (shout the bits in capitals to get the effect):
the COCK-tail's TASTE was PUN-chy AND di-VINE
If we turn it around, so the stresses fall in different positions within the words:
the divine and punchy fruity cocktail
There is an immediate lack of lyrical flow. This is because we don't naturally pronounce these words with these emphases:
the DI-vine AND pun-CHY fruit-Y cock-TAIL
After a bit of practice, you find yourself doing it without thinking, because it boils down to flow; if a line reads awkwardly, chances are there's a problem with the meter.
lol, sorry if I've bored you with my response! I might write some how-to guides for these sorts of thing. Assuming I'm explaining it in a way that makes sense, of course!
Mike
-
No, not boring at all. I have planned on taking a course on this exact subject, but waiting to save up the $. I want to learn as much as I can about meter and rhyming because my poems suck. I find myself "forcing" words just so they will rhyme without thinking of the flow or meter. Thank you so much for the detail explantation. I'm going to print it if possible and keep in my "learning" notebook. Thank you so very much for your time to spend explaining this. You are very kind to do so! I think you should write some how-to guides for these things, I think you eplain them well. I just takes practice to master them.
Wanda
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This piece is dark and mysterious in tone and message--and so well-written and realistic. Some families do have dark secrets, and--as your poem implies--they are not buried or burned with the deceased. Good poem
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
|
This piece is dark and mysterious in tone and message--and so well-written and realistic. Some families do have dark secrets, and--as your poem implies--they are not buried or burned with the deceased. Good poem
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
-
Thank you, Janice - you really saw through to the heart of the piece :-)
Mike
Comment from Chris Tee
This is an absolutely serious blank verse poem that we have here old sport. Well done with this splendid work that we have here old boy.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
|
This is an absolutely serious blank verse poem that we have here old sport. Well done with this splendid work that we have here old boy.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2012
-
Thanks so much, Chris - I'm glad you enjoyed it, mate.
Mike
Comment from Janie King
I'm not a poet so I often miss the meaning of a poem..but it appears they have killed someone and hidden/burned the body in order to keep the secret. God bless.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
|
I'm not a poet so I often miss the meaning of a poem..but it appears they have killed someone and hidden/burned the body in order to keep the secret. God bless.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
-
Thank you, Janie. I've kept this very mysterious on purpose, because I wanted readers to decide what was going on for themselves. I'm not certain what I think, but I might write a story set in this family, and explore them in more depth :-).
Mike
Comment from adewpearl
excellent alliteration in blackest hole breathes
effective descriptive detail that creates a dark tone
strong verb choices like descend, lurk, threaten add to the mood effectively
good alliteration in duty done
This is one depressing read, my friend - beautifully composed but damned depressing LOL :-) Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
|
excellent alliteration in blackest hole breathes
effective descriptive detail that creates a dark tone
strong verb choices like descend, lurk, threaten add to the mood effectively
good alliteration in duty done
This is one depressing read, my friend - beautifully composed but damned depressing LOL :-) Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
-
lol, yeah that's what happens when I'm in a really good mood :-). Thank you, Brooke. I'm glad I'm not part of this family, but my muse feels like it might be conjuring a story for them, so I may have to visit again.
Mike
Comment from rama devi
Oh wow-this is dark and deep. Extremely well-crafted sonnet, as usual from your pen. Impressive work, Mike. No nits or spags noticed. Striking presentation with dark tone to match the theme.Excellent poetic devices such as alliteration, etc.
The run on sentence broken by a semicolon flows so well that one does not mind the structure at all. This part is especially well phrased-
our fears descend into the shadowed depths
of memories that lurk against our wills
to threaten each day's levity with pain.
WOW. Powerful! Great title too. The black hole within and the black hole of grave as well...
Warm smiles,
rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
|
Oh wow-this is dark and deep. Extremely well-crafted sonnet, as usual from your pen. Impressive work, Mike. No nits or spags noticed. Striking presentation with dark tone to match the theme.Excellent poetic devices such as alliteration, etc.
The run on sentence broken by a semicolon flows so well that one does not mind the structure at all. This part is especially well phrased-
our fears descend into the shadowed depths
of memories that lurk against our wills
to threaten each day's levity with pain.
WOW. Powerful! Great title too. The black hole within and the black hole of grave as well...
Warm smiles,
rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
-
Thank you, RD :-). As so often happens with me, a good mood spawned something dark. If you ever read a sugar-sweet poem about fluffy bunnies from me, and cannot detect any sarcasm, that's when you need to worry!
I'm so happy you liked this piece!
Mike
-
:-))
