Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 53 "part 4, Chapter 16"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
74 total reviews
Comment from emmaysavage
Great introduction and characerization of new characters. Things seem to be heating up even more. Anna is also growing. Keep it up
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Great introduction and characerization of new characters. Things seem to be heating up even more. Anna is also growing. Keep it up
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from dhee khaye
Aw! What a sad, romantic and lovely story. The title portraits its sadness, but the contains portrait the mirror of two hearts combined by the power of love. This is a great story. Thank you for sharing this with us. Good luck. God bless.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Aw! What a sad, romantic and lovely story. The title portraits its sadness, but the contains portrait the mirror of two hearts combined by the power of love. This is a great story. Thank you for sharing this with us. Good luck. God bless.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from HPicasso
Another great chapter Mrs. Barbara.
The dialogue sounds realistic.
You did a great job writing this chapter where Troy makes sure she does everything to keep Anna safe. (Anna will be protected by the best). I feel sorry for Anna as all she wants is to live her life in peace. Thanks for another lovely chapter.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Another great chapter Mrs. Barbara.
The dialogue sounds realistic.
You did a great job writing this chapter where Troy makes sure she does everything to keep Anna safe. (Anna will be protected by the best). I feel sorry for Anna as all she wants is to live her life in peace. Thanks for another lovely chapter.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Ok so now she's all ready just in case there is another incident and they seem to know what they are talking about.
Well penned and concise.
Plot thickening as it should. All good for this chapter.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Ok so now she's all ready just in case there is another incident and they seem to know what they are talking about.
Well penned and concise.
Plot thickening as it should. All good for this chapter.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara ...
As always, this chapter was interesting although short and there are just a few small changes to recommend ...
* You have - A man who accidently runs into a mother and child always run off. I believe you need to work on this to clarify your meaning.
* You have - When I accidently bump somebody (singular) I say I'm sorry and make sure they (plural) aren't hurt.
This should be - and make sure the person is not hurt.
* You have - Anna started to stand. This does not read well. I suggest - Anna slowly rose to her feet ... OR ...
Anna made a move to stand as the conversation continued.
* You have - This is how we're going to insure that doesn't happen. This should be - going to ensure that ....
I look forward to your next chapter.
Love from ... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Hullo Barbara ...
As always, this chapter was interesting although short and there are just a few small changes to recommend ...
* You have - A man who accidently runs into a mother and child always run off. I believe you need to work on this to clarify your meaning.
* You have - When I accidently bump somebody (singular) I say I'm sorry and make sure they (plural) aren't hurt.
This should be - and make sure the person is not hurt.
* You have - Anna started to stand. This does not read well. I suggest - Anna slowly rose to her feet ... OR ...
Anna made a move to stand as the conversation continued.
* You have - This is how we're going to insure that doesn't happen. This should be - going to ensure that ....
I look forward to your next chapter.
Love from ... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I have made the corrections.
Comment from alexisleech
It never fails to amaze me how criminals, or 'the bad guys' can twist the law around their little finger. It makes such a mockery of the legal system and makes the work of the police impossible at times. Another great part chapter with very good dialogue. Alexis x
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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It never fails to amaze me how criminals, or 'the bad guys' can twist the law around their little finger. It makes such a mockery of the legal system and makes the work of the police impossible at times. Another great part chapter with very good dialogue. Alexis x
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from peggles
I went all cold inside as I looked through this chapter
The intent of future abuse that is implied is skillfully introduced in a slow and drip fed manner which really shakes your reader to feel the horror of what may happen again
Barbara I did enjoy this chapter
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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I went all cold inside as I looked through this chapter
The intent of future abuse that is implied is skillfully introduced in a slow and drip fed manner which really shakes your reader to feel the horror of what may happen again
Barbara I did enjoy this chapter
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
So frightening the extent some men will go to to make their former spouses lives a living hell and they don't bother to consider the effects it has on their children. Well written as always~Debbie
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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So frightening the extent some men will go to to make their former spouses lives a living hell and they don't bother to consider the effects it has on their children. Well written as always~Debbie
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A well thoughtout and perfectly
presented chapter, Barbara.
Will the poor woman ever find
peace for her and her child?
The maniac seems out to get her..
but Troy will guard over them.
Margaret
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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A well thoughtout and perfectly
presented chapter, Barbara.
Will the poor woman ever find
peace for her and her child?
The maniac seems out to get her..
but Troy will guard over them.
Margaret
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from driven
Hi. THis was a nice read...easy to understand and follow. Not too much action, nice dialogue...beleivable. Good pace. I'll point out a few things which I think might be better off in a slightly different way.
Her eyes widened when she heard Troy state, "I think I'd better spend the night. Anna's not safe by herself." State. It doesn't fit well with the rest of the sentences. It sounds mechanical. You'd be better off with said. I understand the desire to 'cahnge it up' and not sound repetitive, but say and said and says are all good to use.
"It's probably the police." He walked over and answered it. You seem to have a common theme with someone being at the door and another person realizing this and answering it. Yes, that will happen, but you pretty much state it each time. It's not necessary.
"A man who accidently runs into a mother and child always run off." > always runs off. Or 'men' with 'run.'
"Go ahead and rock Michael. I'll answer the door." He opened it. "Hi, Everett." Again with the door. Yes, we know he's opened it because he's speaking with someone who was on the other side. Just a few things, but I think it would improve your work. Ciao!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
 |
Hi. THis was a nice read...easy to understand and follow. Not too much action, nice dialogue...beleivable. Good pace. I'll point out a few things which I think might be better off in a slightly different way.
Her eyes widened when she heard Troy state, "I think I'd better spend the night. Anna's not safe by herself." State. It doesn't fit well with the rest of the sentences. It sounds mechanical. You'd be better off with said. I understand the desire to 'cahnge it up' and not sound repetitive, but say and said and says are all good to use.
"It's probably the police." He walked over and answered it. You seem to have a common theme with someone being at the door and another person realizing this and answering it. Yes, that will happen, but you pretty much state it each time. It's not necessary.
"A man who accidently runs into a mother and child always run off." > always runs off. Or 'men' with 'run.'
"Go ahead and rock Michael. I'll answer the door." He opened it. "Hi, Everett." Again with the door. Yes, we know he's opened it because he's speaking with someone who was on the other side. Just a few things, but I think it would improve your work. Ciao!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I have made the corrections.
