You, Talking to me?
A work in progress11 total reviews
Comment from doubleblank
I totally agree with you. I think people do get wrapped up in life that they don't realize if they take a walk into the trees and let go, it will be better. Good writing.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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I totally agree with you. I think people do get wrapped up in life that they don't realize if they take a walk into the trees and let go, it will be better. Good writing.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you for taking the time to review my poem. I am glad you liked it.
Comment from Eleanor Buron
Great.
Being a nature lover, I really applaud this poem. You did ask for suggestions, here's one that you needn't take because your poem works well as is. Actually this is just a personal observation: Your poem is beautiful; therefore the "pee" behind the tree you love rang a wrong bell with me. I have gone horback riding in several countries, always admiring the wilderness. And when nature calls, I can see where it might be a necessity to find a place "to go" but not in your lovely poem. ;) But like I said, your poem works well as is.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Great.
Being a nature lover, I really applaud this poem. You did ask for suggestions, here's one that you needn't take because your poem works well as is. Actually this is just a personal observation: Your poem is beautiful; therefore the "pee" behind the tree you love rang a wrong bell with me. I have gone horback riding in several countries, always admiring the wilderness. And when nature calls, I can see where it might be a necessity to find a place "to go" but not in your lovely poem. ;) But like I said, your poem works well as is.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you Eleanor for taking the time to review my poem. I am glad you liked it. Yes, you are most likely right. I was trying to be funny. :o) I could have put: " Wait, I need to say hello to this tree."
It would have worked with the rhyme. I'll probably change it. Thanks. :o)
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I went back and changed the line to "A wonderful feeling to be free."
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Good. Now your poem is beautiful all the way through. Elly
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I went back and wanted to give you a six but they wouldn't let me. Guess I must have given you the quota. But your poem is worth a six! You made a great change.
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Thank you Eleanor. I truly do appreciate your input on my poems and stories.
Comment from reconciled
Wow I wanna go camping! great poem of your love for nature.Wonderful rhyme and an easy flow.I used to live with the woods behind our house when I was young, and spent countless hours getting too know them.God bless you girl-Michael.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Wow I wanna go camping! great poem of your love for nature.Wonderful rhyme and an easy flow.I used to live with the woods behind our house when I was young, and spent countless hours getting too know them.God bless you girl-Michael.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thanks Michael for taking the time to read and comment on my poem. I am glad you liked it.
Comment from Tawnyowl
A nice rambling on the countryside I think you let it down a bit when you go behind the tree for a pee. The rest of the poem is more elevated than that. Nice rhyming couplets that work well and move the poem forward with rhythm and sway. I am sure there is nothing wrong with communing with a tree for it is to be one with nature that should be the goal of us all!
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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A nice rambling on the countryside I think you let it down a bit when you go behind the tree for a pee. The rest of the poem is more elevated than that. Nice rhyming couplets that work well and move the poem forward with rhythm and sway. I am sure there is nothing wrong with communing with a tree for it is to be one with nature that should be the goal of us all!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thanks for taking the time to comment on my poem. Yes, I think you are right. Should have left the "pee" out. I was trying to put in a touch of humor. I think I'll change it to: " Wait, I need to say hello to this tree." Thanks for the input.
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I went back and change the line to: " A wonderful feeling to be free."
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I think that is much better now. It makes it a more complete poem all round! Tawny
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Thanks, I appreciate your input. It always helps to get someone else's viewpoint.
Comment from teafor2
justjo66--An excellent poem of address is written by scribe
in these varying lengths of rhyming quatrains. The straight forward phrases provide down-to-earth imagery and attributes
of a nature lover reveling in the nuances of the great out-
doors, especially my favorite stanza;
"Nature calls me with glee.
Wait, I need to go behind this tree and pee.
Vistas far and wide
Give me the countryside."
As good as this is, two lines of two verses did cause me to
stumble while reading. I have made small suggestions, which
will not IMHO change the meaning, imagery and intentions of
the piece(SUGGESTIONS ONLY in parenthesises);
"Forest, rivers, mountains, too
Have never made me blue.
Land stretching out far and wide
Makes me want to ride (walk) not hide (ride).
OR ("Makes me want to walk more than ride.")
"Come along if you can
I'll let you be the man
I just want to talk to the trees
They understand me (my pleas)."
IMHO,the(SUGGESTION ONLY) words would improve the read and
flow. Sorry if I have missunderstood your purpose. teafor2
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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justjo66--An excellent poem of address is written by scribe
in these varying lengths of rhyming quatrains. The straight forward phrases provide down-to-earth imagery and attributes
of a nature lover reveling in the nuances of the great out-
doors, especially my favorite stanza;
"Nature calls me with glee.
Wait, I need to go behind this tree and pee.
Vistas far and wide
Give me the countryside."
As good as this is, two lines of two verses did cause me to
stumble while reading. I have made small suggestions, which
will not IMHO change the meaning, imagery and intentions of
the piece(SUGGESTIONS ONLY in parenthesises);
"Forest, rivers, mountains, too
Have never made me blue.
Land stretching out far and wide
Makes me want to ride (walk) not hide (ride).
OR ("Makes me want to walk more than ride.")
"Come along if you can
I'll let you be the man
I just want to talk to the trees
They understand me (my pleas)."
IMHO,the(SUGGESTION ONLY) words would improve the read and
flow. Sorry if I have missunderstood your purpose. teafor2
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Thank you teafor2 for reading my poem and your kind comments and suggestions. The walk/ride would not work for my intent. :o) I would much rather ride. LOL (very bad knees) The intent was I want to ride (go out and be in the outdoors and be seeing/taking it all in instead of hiding/being indoors). :o) However, your suggestion on the other stanza would fit perfect. I do quite a lot of pleading to the trees. LOL. Thanks again, I do really appreciate your input.
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Aw shucks, you made the old man smile! Keep writing! t...
Comment from Amy Comstock
I love your poem that describes what effect nature can have on us. I had to laugh...two lines from the theme from Green Acres...you brought back a memory. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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I love your poem that describes what effect nature can have on us. I had to laugh...two lines from the theme from Green Acres...you brought back a memory. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Wow! I am impressed. :O) You caught my "dirty" little secret. I started to make mention in the author's notes but just wanted to see if anyone would pick up on the Green Acres lines. My oldest son calls our home place Green Acres...you know "farm living is the life for me..." We call it the Lazy S Ranch (for real) LOL. A big emphasis on the Lazy. LOL Glad you liked my poem.
Comment from l.raven
I Hate when they cut the trees down. But had a nice time on the trip through nature with you. Even peeing by the tree. Very well written. Enjoyed the poem.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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I Hate when they cut the trees down. But had a nice time on the trip through nature with you. Even peeing by the tree. Very well written. Enjoyed the poem.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Awwm the joys of the woods. One has never lived if they haven't peed behind a tree. LOL. I'm glad you liked my little poem.
Comment from kenzi'spoems
oh how lovely! the great outdoors! my sister who loves nature enjoyed this ever so much! she's 17 and loves to be outside as much as possible! thank you for sharing this piece of work with me. it is thoroughly appreciated. keep up the amazing work you are doing and may your light shine bright in His time. Blessings unto you and your house.
Forever and Truly,
Kenzi
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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oh how lovely! the great outdoors! my sister who loves nature enjoyed this ever so much! she's 17 and loves to be outside as much as possible! thank you for sharing this piece of work with me. it is thoroughly appreciated. keep up the amazing work you are doing and may your light shine bright in His time. Blessings unto you and your house.
Forever and Truly,
Kenzi
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Thank you Kenzi for your kind comments. I am glad you and your sister enjoyed my little trip outdoors. :o)
Comment from Janie King
The picture is very pretty..I love to look at nature from the inside..I hate snakes and creepy crawlers so I'm not one that roams around in the forrest or goes camping. God piece.. I would never think of peeing behind a tree but then I wouldn't be out there to need to..haha. Good piece. God bless.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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The picture is very pretty..I love to look at nature from the inside..I hate snakes and creepy crawlers so I'm not one that roams around in the forrest or goes camping. God piece.. I would never think of peeing behind a tree but then I wouldn't be out there to need to..haha. Good piece. God bless.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Janie, you surprise me. I would have thought you would be an outdoors person. :o) I love it. I feel so close to God when I'm out in His country. I don't care for snakes, either, but they keep their distance and I keep mine. :o) Thanks for reading and commenting on my poem.
Comment from LilHippie
Well actually I need your help. Can you come over and help me pack, cause I want to come live where you are!!!!!!! lol Okay, your piece is lovely, sends a message about the rat race not being for you, shows appreciation for the things that cannot be bought and are overlooked by many, yet bring us such joy! Very well written, you asked for help though, said it was a rough piece, so going to re-read, and I'm back and see no need for changes, unless YOU are unhappy with any part of it. Now see, you had a great piece and just had drag MEN into it at the end!!!! lol Seriously, this is a lovely tribute to all the gifts we take for granted each day, and you must live in a very lovely place. Thank you for allowing my comments, which I fear have been fueled by too much hazelnut coffee this morning!
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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Well actually I need your help. Can you come over and help me pack, cause I want to come live where you are!!!!!!! lol Okay, your piece is lovely, sends a message about the rat race not being for you, shows appreciation for the things that cannot be bought and are overlooked by many, yet bring us such joy! Very well written, you asked for help though, said it was a rough piece, so going to re-read, and I'm back and see no need for changes, unless YOU are unhappy with any part of it. Now see, you had a great piece and just had drag MEN into it at the end!!!! lol Seriously, this is a lovely tribute to all the gifts we take for granted each day, and you must live in a very lovely place. Thank you for allowing my comments, which I fear have been fueled by too much hazelnut coffee this morning!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Yum, I love hazelnut coffee. I enjoyed reading your comments so much. Thank you for reading my piece. Actually, I live most the time in my head. :o) I love to travel and explore but unfortunely...I still work for "the man." BUT not too many more years. :o)
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Hahahahahahahahahaha! (laughing about 'I live most of the time in my head' - me too!) Oh, the man, the man, the man. I love travel too, but cannot afford it. Last vaca was 2005, but someday, someday. I loved your piece. Thanks for your humor, yeah, not too many years for me either.
