Clutter
Sorting out the priorities in life.19 total reviews
Comment from MParasmal
Hello Honeycomb!
A nice spiritual poem.It's something amazing that I've been reading only spiritual poems today.A good free style poem with proper rhyme.
Mita.
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Hello Honeycomb!
A nice spiritual poem.It's something amazing that I've been reading only spiritual poems today.A good free style poem with proper rhyme.
Mita.
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the kind words and the review. Honeycomb
Comment from Gina513
Great write. I love the inspirational message, it's very true. Sometimes we get so overwhelmed and our lives get so cluttered that the only thing we can do is turn to Jesus. Great work!
Gina
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Great write. I love the inspirational message, it's very true. Sometimes we get so overwhelmed and our lives get so cluttered that the only thing we can do is turn to Jesus. Great work!
Gina
Comment Written 28-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2012
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Thank you very much Gina. Thanks for taking the time to review my work and for the kind words.Honeycomb
Comment from juliaSjames
Welcome to FS.
I enjoyed your poem. It's so true that we can become so immersed in the details of life that there is no room left for the guiding presence of the Lord.
In your author notes you call your poem free verse but these are rhyming quatrains. When you have a moment, check out Poetry Dances by finding the drop down menu under Home at the top of the FanStory front page. It will give you a quick introduction to many popular forms of poetry.
I think you are a talented writer. In these verses, you show that you have a good sense of rhythm and your end-rhymes are excellent. But I stumbled a little over the meter in these two lines,
"Sometimes a soul gets so much
clutter it can suffocate"
I suggest an alternative wording for the stanza that extends the metaphor.
"Is your soul so drowned in clutter
that you can suffocate
His steadfast grace will save you
all you have to do is wait"
Just for your consideration, of course.
Well-chosen image of clutter to illustrate your write.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2012
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Welcome to FS.
I enjoyed your poem. It's so true that we can become so immersed in the details of life that there is no room left for the guiding presence of the Lord.
In your author notes you call your poem free verse but these are rhyming quatrains. When you have a moment, check out Poetry Dances by finding the drop down menu under Home at the top of the FanStory front page. It will give you a quick introduction to many popular forms of poetry.
I think you are a talented writer. In these verses, you show that you have a good sense of rhythm and your end-rhymes are excellent. But I stumbled a little over the meter in these two lines,
"Sometimes a soul gets so much
clutter it can suffocate"
I suggest an alternative wording for the stanza that extends the metaphor.
"Is your soul so drowned in clutter
that you can suffocate
His steadfast grace will save you
all you have to do is wait"
Just for your consideration, of course.
Well-chosen image of clutter to illustrate your write.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much Julia, I really do appreciate the help. Ihave been recognixed with the poem just today ! I was so pleased .I said free verse because it is safe. I am learning but I didn't know about poetry dances. I have been trying to collect the different forms as I do reviews. Thank you so much. I admire your writing and I have reviewed you in the past. Nancy
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Congratulations on your poem being recognized, Nancy. I can tell you write with your whole heart. So pleased you liked my suggestion. peace and blessings, julia
Comment from Rama Rao
A fine poem which moved smoothly like a well trained ballerina, rhymed well, made good reading and finally showed your immense faith.
I may not share your faith, but I appreciate your faith in your Lord. Why not try to DIY way. God helps those who help themselves.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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A fine poem which moved smoothly like a well trained ballerina, rhymed well, made good reading and finally showed your immense faith.
I may not share your faith, but I appreciate your faith in your Lord. Why not try to DIY way. God helps those who help themselves.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the review. I don't know what you mean by Doe it Yourself. That is what prayer is. As long as we all believe in good and evil we are doing it our way.Thank you for your kind review.
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Thank you for the review. I don't know what you mean by Doe it Yourself. That is what prayer is. As long as we all believe in good and evil we are doing it our way.Thank you for your kind review.
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You try to solve the puzzle yourself before seeking the assistance of the Almighty- this is what I meant.
Comment from ridinaround
Good poem, though I dislike the "preaching" of a certain form of religion. Just as easily meditation could be substituted and the answers are within yourself...and the universe.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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Good poem, though I dislike the "preaching" of a certain form of religion. Just as easily meditation could be substituted and the answers are within yourself...and the universe.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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Why did you give me four stars? You are supposed to explain.
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Why did you give me four stars? You are supposed to explain.
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Explain? Four is pretty good and all I can give on something that doesn't do much for me. Worry not. Three or less does require explanation.
Comment from Gungalo
Leave it all up to Jesus and he will clear the way for you. It's interesting that a mind can be so cluttered but possible I guess. I believe you're right.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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Leave it all up to Jesus and he will clear the way for you. It's interesting that a mind can be so cluttered but possible I guess. I believe you're right.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the review. I am glad you liked my poem. Honeycomb
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Thank you for the review. I am glad you liked my poem. Honeycomb
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Smiles.
Comment from Anisa-
Well done. This poem was enjoyable and easy to follow. I thought your descriptions were great and that you were able to paint a wonderful picture with your words.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Well done. This poem was enjoyable and easy to follow. I thought your descriptions were great and that you were able to paint a wonderful picture with your words.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Thank you very much, I am very happy you enjoyed it. Honeycomb
Comment from CRYSTAL24K
Love it! So true. The message of the poem a wonderful expression of some Bible themes. I like how you use a cluttered mind as a way to express the peace that Jesus gives you. I also like how you remind the reader that making Jesus Lord of your life is just that- you don't tell your Lord how to do things. You pray for what you want (according to what is available in the Word) and leave the rest to God. God always answers prayer, but we can't dictate how God answers those prayers.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Love it! So true. The message of the poem a wonderful expression of some Bible themes. I like how you use a cluttered mind as a way to express the peace that Jesus gives you. I also like how you remind the reader that making Jesus Lord of your life is just that- you don't tell your Lord how to do things. You pray for what you want (according to what is available in the Word) and leave the rest to God. God always answers prayer, but we can't dictate how God answers those prayers.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Thank you very much for the review and I am happy you liked the poem. Honeycomb
Comment from Skyangel02
Your poem flows well and rhymes well. It has a clear message and is very easy to read.
There are no adjustment to be made in my opinion.
It's a shame that so many things can clutter the mind.
Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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Your poem flows well and rhymes well. It has a clear message and is very easy to read.
There are no adjustment to be made in my opinion.
It's a shame that so many things can clutter the mind.
Well done.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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Thank you very much for the review.I really hate clutter,don't you? Nancy
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Yes I hate clutter but sometimes it is impossible to avoid it. As a mother and grandmother I am forever cleaning it up as it keeps reproducing itself.
Comment from Carole Rosa
Honeycomb, This is a great poem, true, and I can relate. I like poems that have meaning and rhyme. I'm going to print the verse below and tape it to my refrigerator. Nice job. Carole
When your mind is full of clutter
and you don't know what to do
Just show the mess to Jesus
He will clear a path for you
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Honeycomb, This is a great poem, true, and I can relate. I like poems that have meaning and rhyme. I'm going to print the verse below and tape it to my refrigerator. Nice job. Carole
When your mind is full of clutter
and you don't know what to do
Just show the mess to Jesus
He will clear a path for you
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thank you Carole, I wish everyone did. I have been getting a lot of criticism today . I have a different drummer I guess . Maybe because I am older.I like long sentences, n one else does. I am really down. Nancy
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Nancy, I can't imagine why anyone would not compliment you on this piece. Don't pay attention to those who are negative. This was a very nice poem. Carole
