Wedding Promise
contest entry19 total reviews
Comment from bard owl
Ah, another take of not so much heartbreak as treachery and sweet revenge. You have quite effectively used the words required by the contest and created an if not sad, very tangled story. Excellent. Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Ah, another take of not so much heartbreak as treachery and sweet revenge. You have quite effectively used the words required by the contest and created an if not sad, very tangled story. Excellent. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Thank you. Not all brides are sweet!
Comment from Paradox Tremors
Wow, that's one lady who won't be telling any tales or breaking any more hearts soon. Well done; and as much as it pains me to say so, the *itch got what she deserved. Well done. Best of luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Wow, that's one lady who won't be telling any tales or breaking any more hearts soon. Well done; and as much as it pains me to say so, the *itch got what she deserved. Well done. Best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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I don't disagree. A big mouth doeasn't necessary claim victory.
Comment from purrfect tale
I must have an evil streak because I laughed at the end of your story. Only 146 words and you developed a strong story with a wicked witch.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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I must have an evil streak because I laughed at the end of your story. Only 146 words and you developed a strong story with a wicked witch.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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I did too, but that's not considered fashionable in these parts, ya knpw...
Comment from Judith Ann
This is a very creative flash fiction with all the elements required to be a story. You also fulfilled the contest requirements. This is a tightly written and well thought out piece. It should do well in the contest. -Judy
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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This is a very creative flash fiction with all the elements required to be a story. You also fulfilled the contest requirements. This is a tightly written and well thought out piece. It should do well in the contest. -Judy
Comment Written 12-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Thanks so much for the kind words.
Comment from catch22
This is an excellent story in 150 words for the prompt. The writing is pretty action-oriented and you manage to establish a setting, conflict, and resolution, as well as get somewhat into the main character's motives for murder. My only criticism is the use of passive voice in the following sentence:
That was the bride's final sentence before I put my hands around her neck, and squeezed until the nightmare was silenced.
I would rewrite this as: With her last sentence, I put my hands around her neck, and squeezed...
Good luck in the contest.
You still have the passive voice in this sentence, but its probably okay for this contest. I did not mark down for this, but if you really want to tighten up the writing, I would write:
With the bride's final sentence, I put my hands around her neck and squeezed. I silenced the nightmare.
By breaking this sentence up, you achieve more drama in the short sentence than when they're clumped together. It's ultimately your call what type of effect you want...
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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This is an excellent story in 150 words for the prompt. The writing is pretty action-oriented and you manage to establish a setting, conflict, and resolution, as well as get somewhat into the main character's motives for murder. My only criticism is the use of passive voice in the following sentence:
That was the bride's final sentence before I put my hands around her neck, and squeezed until the nightmare was silenced.
I would rewrite this as: With her last sentence, I put my hands around her neck, and squeezed...
Good luck in the contest.
You still have the passive voice in this sentence, but its probably okay for this contest. I did not mark down for this, but if you really want to tighten up the writing, I would write:
With the bride's final sentence, I put my hands around her neck and squeezed. I silenced the nightmare.
By breaking this sentence up, you achieve more drama in the short sentence than when they're clumped together. It's ultimately your call what type of effect you want...
Comment Written 12-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Good point, I'll go over it again, but I do need to use the words, final and sentence.
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Maybe try: With her final sentence,...
Hope that helps.
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Changed it already, better, but could probably use more tweaking.
Comment from kevinwells3
I really liked this story it reads like a good suspence novel. Its real chilling how your antagonist is so wicked
in her intentions, and leaves our anti-hero with few options
you also used the alloted words well. very good
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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I really liked this story it reads like a good suspence novel. Its real chilling how your antagonist is so wicked
in her intentions, and leaves our anti-hero with few options
you also used the alloted words well. very good
Comment Written 12-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your kind words
Comment from Linda England Bonam
Wow! i didn't think you could write an entire story with so few words! But you managed to do a splendid job of it, and the story was really good! Good luck with the contest entry!
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Wow! i didn't think you could write an entire story with so few words! But you managed to do a splendid job of it, and the story was really good! Good luck with the contest entry!
Comment Written 12-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Thanks, it is tough, but a great exercise, a lesson in editing.
Comment from WadUK
Wow" What a story and told well within the limits of the contest.
Personally, I would find the word limit challenging but with having to use the specified words it would be impossible. Well done.
I hope that you do well in the contest.
Pat (WadUK)
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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Wow" What a story and told well within the limits of the contest.
Personally, I would find the word limit challenging but with having to use the specified words it would be impossible. Well done.
I hope that you do well in the contest.
Pat (WadUK)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Yes, this word list takes up almost 10% of the allotted story. still these flash pieces are good exercises.
Comment from RalphNater
That was a really good read. Excellent use of the words provided. It's dark but kinda funny, wait, does that make me weird? Great work.
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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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That was a really good read. Excellent use of the words provided. It's dark but kinda funny, wait, does that make me weird? Great work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Nah, when someone decides they've got it all figured out, it's not bad imagery to have them flopping around in a swamp!
