Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 52 "part 3, Chapter 16"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
89 total reviews
Comment from MadNicko
I liked the piece and you're doing well tackling a difficult issue.
However, some of the timing and dialogue seemed a little bit off. Timing was fine at the start, but was a bit rushed towards the end. Also, the dialogue was somewhat stilted and disconnected from the surrounding text.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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I liked the piece and you're doing well tackling a difficult issue.
However, some of the timing and dialogue seemed a little bit off. Timing was fine at the start, but was a bit rushed towards the end. Also, the dialogue was somewhat stilted and disconnected from the surrounding text.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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thanks
Comment from sarahmarie123
I like it for the most part... The dialogue I feel needs some work. I personally think conversations should flow, adding to it to make it make sense slows it down. however there were just two lines or so that I thought could use work it was pretty great.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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I like it for the most part... The dialogue I feel needs some work. I personally think conversations should flow, adding to it to make it make sense slows it down. however there were just two lines or so that I thought could use work it was pretty great.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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thanks
Comment from G.B. Smith
Howdy Barbara
OK now, another gripping chapter. The way the domestic scene is suddenly thrown into threatening territory, with an attack from the blindside. Your chapter is as always engaging and well written
Bear
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Howdy Barbara
OK now, another gripping chapter. The way the domestic scene is suddenly thrown into threatening territory, with an attack from the blindside. Your chapter is as always engaging and well written
Bear
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mishelly
Great story. I haven't read the other chapters so it was wonderful to be pulled into the storyline even though I didn't start at the beginning. How scary would it be to have a baby knocked out of your arms.
The only comment I would like to make is at the end when Anna asked Troy if he saw who it was, she should have waited until he mentioned he had seen the license plate and gotten a description of the truck before she told him she had called 911 because she asked him two questions and then continued talking without waiting for him to answer. I think that may have given the end of the chapter a smoother flow to it. Although maybe it was written this way to reveal how jittery Anna was feeling. I'd love to hear if this was the reason.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Great story. I haven't read the other chapters so it was wonderful to be pulled into the storyline even though I didn't start at the beginning. How scary would it be to have a baby knocked out of your arms.
The only comment I would like to make is at the end when Anna asked Troy if he saw who it was, she should have waited until he mentioned he had seen the license plate and gotten a description of the truck before she told him she had called 911 because she asked him two questions and then continued talking without waiting for him to answer. I think that may have given the end of the chapter a smoother flow to it. Although maybe it was written this way to reveal how jittery Anna was feeling. I'd love to hear if this was the reason.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and support..
Comment from Deejharrington
I think I missed a few chapters, I got so behind in my reviewing. My fault. It seems Anna's ex is on the scene again, causing chaos and fear. Thank goodness Troy insists on keeping her and Michael close. I certainly hope they are closing in on that bastard and put him away for a very long time!
deb
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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I think I missed a few chapters, I got so behind in my reviewing. My fault. It seems Anna's ex is on the scene again, causing chaos and fear. Thank goodness Troy insists on keeping her and Michael close. I certainly hope they are closing in on that bastard and put him away for a very long time!
deb
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
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you're welcome
deb
Comment from pickthorn
I have missed the last couple of chapters of this riviting story, but I know what's going on and the suspense never wanes in any of the chapters iv'e seen so far. The story is so well written and the dialogue is first rate.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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I have missed the last couple of chapters of this riviting story, but I know what's going on and the suspense never wanes in any of the chapters iv'e seen so far. The story is so well written and the dialogue is first rate.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from TriciaDiaz
Well-written! Even though I haven't read the rest of your story, this installment gave enough information to establish that Anna is in some kind of trouble and Troy is trying to help her out. I like that you don't stack your sentences into heavy paragraphs that are tough to read :-)
Very crisp and no over-use of unnecessary details!
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Well-written! Even though I haven't read the rest of your story, this installment gave enough information to establish that Anna is in some kind of trouble and Troy is trying to help her out. I like that you don't stack your sentences into heavy paragraphs that are tough to read :-)
Very crisp and no over-use of unnecessary details!
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from MeagM
Wow, this is a fantastic chapter. I haven't followed your work until coming across this, but reading the ending of the previous post this flows really great. I love the dynamics between the characters and your writing is very engaging!
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Wow, this is a fantastic chapter. I haven't followed your work until coming across this, but reading the ending of the previous post this flows really great. I love the dynamics between the characters and your writing is very engaging!
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Anthony Crosbie
This flowed really well. Your characters are believable and I enjoyed their interaction. When Michael was thrown onto the car hood I was genuinely concerned and I was relieved when Troy returned. I always think a good book has to be quick to grab the reader and you did just that.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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This flowed really well. Your characters are believable and I enjoyed their interaction. When Michael was thrown onto the car hood I was genuinely concerned and I was relieved when Troy returned. I always think a good book has to be quick to grab the reader and you did just that.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Anisa-
Great follow up to the last chapter. Wow, this guy just won't give up, will he? I wouldn't want to be living alone if that were happening. Good job, interesting read.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Great follow up to the last chapter. Wow, this guy just won't give up, will he? I wouldn't want to be living alone if that were happening. Good job, interesting read.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
