The Edge of Reality
How it feels to be near death89 total reviews
Comment from Lovinia
Striking, well considered phrasing. Definitely portrays the moments of your darkest hour. I think many of us can identify with ignoring the warnings ... I have to put my hand up for that one and sometimes have thoughts this just might happen to me.... and serve me right. Then I continue on the same destructive path, after all "Once again, I am on the move, no time to waste" and "I have no time for this.." Exactly!
You build the poem well ... your state just prior and the eventuality of ignoring the symptoms until the inevitability. I am so pleased you survived and hope you are learning to take it a little easy. "I ask myself, "Have you scared me enough into taking the warnings more seriously?" as "I tip-toe on the verge of insanity".
A powerful poem and great form with the free verse.
"Will it end, only the unknown know of this, to me, it will end on my own terms." - A powerful and intriguing line, also the concluding line - both are significant and extremely thought provoking. I have just posted a dark poem, "Riding the Wave" - it may very well be a preamble to yours. Scares me a little..... though I suppose it should scare me a lot.
Great work. Wishing you a speedy and successful recovery. Hugs - :) Lovinia xoxo
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Striking, well considered phrasing. Definitely portrays the moments of your darkest hour. I think many of us can identify with ignoring the warnings ... I have to put my hand up for that one and sometimes have thoughts this just might happen to me.... and serve me right. Then I continue on the same destructive path, after all "Once again, I am on the move, no time to waste" and "I have no time for this.." Exactly!
You build the poem well ... your state just prior and the eventuality of ignoring the symptoms until the inevitability. I am so pleased you survived and hope you are learning to take it a little easy. "I ask myself, "Have you scared me enough into taking the warnings more seriously?" as "I tip-toe on the verge of insanity".
A powerful poem and great form with the free verse.
"Will it end, only the unknown know of this, to me, it will end on my own terms." - A powerful and intriguing line, also the concluding line - both are significant and extremely thought provoking. I have just posted a dark poem, "Riding the Wave" - it may very well be a preamble to yours. Scares me a little..... though I suppose it should scare me a lot.
Great work. Wishing you a speedy and successful recovery. Hugs - :) Lovinia xoxo
Comment Written 18-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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WOW, thank you for stopping by and reading this piece, I appreciate the time you took to stop by and comment on my work...dark lord
Comment from Louise Michelle
I must say this is very good writing because I was tempted to leave your poem for something more uplifting, but you grabbed my attention and I had to keep on. And I'm glad I did because the ending was certainly optimistic. It's always comforting to think a better world awaits our 'withered souls.' Nice work. Lou
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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I must say this is very good writing because I was tempted to leave your poem for something more uplifting, but you grabbed my attention and I had to keep on. And I'm glad I did because the ending was certainly optimistic. It's always comforting to think a better world awaits our 'withered souls.' Nice work. Lou
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Thank you so very much for sticking around, I am pleased you enjoyed it...dark lord
Comment from Selrahc
I am no stranger to writing dark and horrific tales, so I can appreciate your subject matter here. It does, however, contradict itself in a few spots. If you are in a hurry why are you tip-toeing or moving inch by inch? Instead, maybe use "I race on the edge of insanity." and "In sudden bursts the pain increases; the dark one lurks." Also, even though you state that "it will end on my own terms." it sounds obvious that it didn't and that you would've pushed on if you could've. Perhaps, "Will it end? Only the unknown know this. To me, I'll be damned if it will!" Not only is this strong and attention grabbing, but this implies an obvious intent to rebell against the powers that be, whether human or godly, though intent does not guarantee a specific outcome. It just means that you'll be damned if it does and, aside from the light that brightens you have been. So perhaps, "As the darkness grows,". And I can tell that this poem was meant to be free verse as it rarely if ever rhymes. But your content is vivid and arresting. I definitely like that -- especially since few others on FanStory write anywhere near so dark. In fact, I had to double check before joining that the site would allow me to swear and allow things like grisly murder and sex. Fortunately all it requires is a disclaimer and I'm fine with that. If it was not allowed at all I would not have joined, period.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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I am no stranger to writing dark and horrific tales, so I can appreciate your subject matter here. It does, however, contradict itself in a few spots. If you are in a hurry why are you tip-toeing or moving inch by inch? Instead, maybe use "I race on the edge of insanity." and "In sudden bursts the pain increases; the dark one lurks." Also, even though you state that "it will end on my own terms." it sounds obvious that it didn't and that you would've pushed on if you could've. Perhaps, "Will it end? Only the unknown know this. To me, I'll be damned if it will!" Not only is this strong and attention grabbing, but this implies an obvious intent to rebell against the powers that be, whether human or godly, though intent does not guarantee a specific outcome. It just means that you'll be damned if it does and, aside from the light that brightens you have been. So perhaps, "As the darkness grows,". And I can tell that this poem was meant to be free verse as it rarely if ever rhymes. But your content is vivid and arresting. I definitely like that -- especially since few others on FanStory write anywhere near so dark. In fact, I had to double check before joining that the site would allow me to swear and allow things like grisly murder and sex. Fortunately all it requires is a disclaimer and I'm fine with that. If it was not allowed at all I would not have joined, period.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Thank you so very much for the insightful review, much appreciated...dark lord
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You're welcome. I hope my review was helpful.
Comment from October21
Chilling to the bone, this poem shows the dark side of perspective on life, how one is not oblivious to the darkness that lurks, and can indeed be just around the corner.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Chilling to the bone, this poem shows the dark side of perspective on life, how one is not oblivious to the darkness that lurks, and can indeed be just around the corner.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Thank you so very much for the kind review...dark lord
Comment from Rose Hearth
This seems to be a poem that could be told by many these days, but you did it with your own unique flair! Pressing on despite the warnings can only end one way.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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This seems to be a poem that could be told by many these days, but you did it with your own unique flair! Pressing on despite the warnings can only end one way.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Thank you so very much for the kind review...dark lord
Comment from Alexander E Poet
Full of action you tell a good story in this one I could feel it, I thought this was passionate and very well written piece, beefy full perfectly penned and well saidThere were no errors. No typo's and nothing to change as far as i can see. Alexander QQ...
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Full of action you tell a good story in this one I could feel it, I thought this was passionate and very well written piece, beefy full perfectly penned and well saidThere were no errors. No typo's and nothing to change as far as i can see. Alexander QQ...
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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I thank you so very much for visiting my work, coming from your talented pen, it is humbling...dark lord
Comment from adewpearl
to tip toe on the verge of insanity - powerful line
excellent consonance of hard C sounds in increases/dark/lurks
encapsulate - strong verb choice
good internal rhyme in insane/pain
and alliteration in currents crossing and stand swaying as sweat
vivid descriptive detail that creates and sustains a dark mood to the very last phrase of "withered soul" Brooke
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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to tip toe on the verge of insanity - powerful line
excellent consonance of hard C sounds in increases/dark/lurks
encapsulate - strong verb choice
good internal rhyme in insane/pain
and alliteration in currents crossing and stand swaying as sweat
vivid descriptive detail that creates and sustains a dark mood to the very last phrase of "withered soul" Brooke
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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I thank you so very much for the kind review, I appreciate you stopping by and reading my work...dark lord
Comment from phild
Wow! Very dark and almost sinister. You did a great job of casting the mood over this piece. Writing it in the first person brought the reader in even closer to the danger. Fantastic job.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Wow! Very dark and almost sinister. You did a great job of casting the mood over this piece. Writing it in the first person brought the reader in even closer to the danger. Fantastic job.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Thank you so very much for the kind review...dark lord
Comment from Herb
Very good.
I liked it because firstly, it was different from the norm, that's always good in my book. And the way you went about it, its a fight one struggle and his inability to accept the inevitable.
Two things in life are certain, - USA will never beat England at footy (soccer) and death. :)
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Very good.
I liked it because firstly, it was different from the norm, that's always good in my book. And the way you went about it, its a fight one struggle and his inability to accept the inevitable.
Two things in life are certain, - USA will never beat England at footy (soccer) and death. :)
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Thank you so very much for the kind words and I will have to tell you, the United States and MLS is getting better at SOCCER...dark lord
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FOOTBALL, we called it football before the USA was even a twinkle in Washingtons' eye.
Comment from dragonpoet
Well written free verse which tells of some people's inability to realize their way of life is killing them. If they would learn to have some fun and worry less about having it all there would be less people dying young and having heart attacks.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Well written free verse which tells of some people's inability to realize their way of life is killing them. If they would learn to have some fun and worry less about having it all there would be less people dying young and having heart attacks.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Thank you so very much for the kind review...dark lord
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You are very welcome.
dragonpoet
