Snake's Pit
A dark poem in Pantoum Form.26 total reviews
Comment from Bryana
Wow My friend, I can't stand snakes
but I read your poem with interest.
I like the use of words, very good
rhyme and flow.
Have a wonderful weekend.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Wow My friend, I can't stand snakes
but I read your poem with interest.
I like the use of words, very good
rhyme and flow.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Thank y Bryana for reading this wacko work. Have a great weekend too.
Comment from Mastery
Hi there, amada. Wow! This is a power-charged poem. So much imagery. Yikes! I hate snakes. You may want to change the word "mundane" as you used it twice...may be repetitive, you know. Great write though. Bob
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Hi there, amada. Wow! This is a power-charged poem. So much imagery. Yikes! I hate snakes. You may want to change the word "mundane" as you used it twice...may be repetitive, you know. Great write though. Bob
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Thank you Bob for your great comments and for reading my work.
Comment from Daizie
As dark as the subject was, you have done a tremendously creative job of describing the seven sins. I like how you use the sound of a hissing snake throughout. The entire poem was very original. Personally, I certainly did not find this poem to be in any way offensive, so no worries that way.
Take care,
Daizie
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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As dark as the subject was, you have done a tremendously creative job of describing the seven sins. I like how you use the sound of a hissing snake throughout. The entire poem was very original. Personally, I certainly did not find this poem to be in any way offensive, so no worries that way.
Take care,
Daizie
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Daizie, what a beautiful name! Thank you for reading my work and your great comments. Certainly an inspiration to follow to follow my wacko imagination and write crazy things!
Comment from Joan E.
I found your "snakes" representing the seven deadly sins and repeats very effective. The whole image was rather Shakespearean, like the witches in "Macbeth." I admired your rhyming quatrains also. Well done. -Joan
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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I found your "snakes" representing the seven deadly sins and repeats very effective. The whole image was rather Shakespearean, like the witches in "Macbeth." I admired your rhyming quatrains also. Well done. -Joan
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Thank you Joan for this great review and comments.
Comment from Judian James
Wow this was creepy-good! It could go across the page from my latest post on addiction! Well conceived and then conveyed. A bit tongue twisty at times, but snakes will do that to a person!! LOL
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Wow this was creepy-good! It could go across the page from my latest post on addiction! Well conceived and then conveyed. A bit tongue twisty at times, but snakes will do that to a person!! LOL
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Thank you Jude for reading and commenting in this work.
Comment from LovnPeace
Wow terrific dear friend. A great writing and moral lession also. Very creative. If someone takes offence maybe recognition is to blame. Blessings, Barbara
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Wow terrific dear friend. A great writing and moral lession also. Very creative. If someone takes offence maybe recognition is to blame. Blessings, Barbara
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Thank you Barbara, this is a truly big honor!
Comment from adewpearl
strong use of alternate-line rhyme
Good consonance of R sounds in sovereign we reign in earthly
drips consecrates rites
Excellent incorporation of repeating lines in pantoum form
until you reach the final stanza, where you fail to use lines 1 and 3 from the original stanza, which is really an essential and compelling part of the pantoum form.
I really like your strong verb choices and the mood you create, your use of alliteration - lots of things, so since this is not a pantoum contest, I am still giving your poem a 5. If it were in a pantoum contest, I would have to give it a 4. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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strong use of alternate-line rhyme
Good consonance of R sounds in sovereign we reign in earthly
drips consecrates rites
Excellent incorporation of repeating lines in pantoum form
until you reach the final stanza, where you fail to use lines 1 and 3 from the original stanza, which is really an essential and compelling part of the pantoum form.
I really like your strong verb choices and the mood you create, your use of alliteration - lots of things, so since this is not a pantoum contest, I am still giving your poem a 5. If it were in a pantoum contest, I would have to give it a 4. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Thank you Brooke!
Comment from Piggies Grandma
Your poem is cleverly written and very well thought out amada. I don't like snakes so seven of them would even be worse. You have a good imagination.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Your poem is cleverly written and very well thought out amada. I don't like snakes so seven of them would even be worse. You have a good imagination.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Thank you for reading and commenting...anyway!
Comment from Mª Luisa López Pisú
Muy bien por tu poema, el que encontré especial y muy logrado. De hacerle algún cambio, creo que no. Felicitaciones y saludos de María Luisa
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Muy bien por tu poema, el que encontré especial y muy logrado. De hacerle algún cambio, creo que no. Felicitaciones y saludos de María Luisa
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Muchas gracias querida amiga
Comment from Ekim777
Our seven deadly sins of the flesh and of the mind; temptations all promising brief pleasure and relief. I prefer to see them as vices. Jung sees laziness as our strongest passion. Oscar Wilde talks of apathy as the most pitiful of the vices. THey all give us entice us but give us nothing, certainly not promise or hope and even the pleasure they proffer us is short lived through our nagging guilt.They certainly make flare all our fears.
"Scorching in the hollow your fright" is certainly a fine image for Hell!Poem wraps up nicely; every line and repetition falls into place, so important for the success of a Pantoum. May we all absolve ourselves of our sins.
-Ekim
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Our seven deadly sins of the flesh and of the mind; temptations all promising brief pleasure and relief. I prefer to see them as vices. Jung sees laziness as our strongest passion. Oscar Wilde talks of apathy as the most pitiful of the vices. THey all give us entice us but give us nothing, certainly not promise or hope and even the pleasure they proffer us is short lived through our nagging guilt.They certainly make flare all our fears.
"Scorching in the hollow your fright" is certainly a fine image for Hell!Poem wraps up nicely; every line and repetition falls into place, so important for the success of a Pantoum. May we all absolve ourselves of our sins.
-Ekim
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Thank you Ekim for this very provocative and thrilling review to my Pantoum work, my first, and maybe last? It was a challenge!
