The English Assignment
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Chapter 1 my English class "The author tells a tale how he tried to better him
33 total reviews
Comment from inkedone
Once again amazing! I can't wait to read the next chapter. I also can't believe the things that you have experienced in your life. No wonder you're a great writer. You've life is a novel.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2012
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Once again amazing! I can't wait to read the next chapter. I also can't believe the things that you have experienced in your life. No wonder you're a great writer. You've life is a novel.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2012
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thank you I hope i don't dissapoint.
Comment from Kylie Bundy
You are an excellent writer, and I really enjoyed reading about your experiences. When someone has an knack for story telling, it doesn't seem to matter what they talk about; it'll always be interesting, entertaining, and a pleasure for those listening!
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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You are an excellent writer, and I really enjoyed reading about your experiences. When someone has an knack for story telling, it doesn't seem to matter what they talk about; it'll always be interesting, entertaining, and a pleasure for those listening!
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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THANK YOU
Comment from LilHippie
Wow!!! This is awesome. So well written, and so honest. I give you all the credit in the world for being so honest. That is probably why it is so well written, because you are recalling facts, and you have the talent to tell these facts to others in a very captivating way, drawing the reader in, making them care about you and your wife and children. Being an LPN is an extremely emotionally draining job. I worked for a law firm that did medical malpractice/wrongful death, so the nurse were the ones the doctors always tried to blame (in cases of surgical error, or elderly people with injuries, etc.) It is rough. So at this point you are moving on, and what you wrote, which I assume is in the next chapter (loved the way you built up to the end her by stating this is what she read) I can appreciate the cold attorney as the English teacher, not the attorneys I worked for were that way, I was very lucky, but I have certainly met attorneys like her. I am going on to A nightmare to come true, which I have a feeling will break my heart. You are very talented!
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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Wow!!! This is awesome. So well written, and so honest. I give you all the credit in the world for being so honest. That is probably why it is so well written, because you are recalling facts, and you have the talent to tell these facts to others in a very captivating way, drawing the reader in, making them care about you and your wife and children. Being an LPN is an extremely emotionally draining job. I worked for a law firm that did medical malpractice/wrongful death, so the nurse were the ones the doctors always tried to blame (in cases of surgical error, or elderly people with injuries, etc.) It is rough. So at this point you are moving on, and what you wrote, which I assume is in the next chapter (loved the way you built up to the end her by stating this is what she read) I can appreciate the cold attorney as the English teacher, not the attorneys I worked for were that way, I was very lucky, but I have certainly met attorneys like her. I am going on to A nightmare to come true, which I have a feeling will break my heart. You are very talented!
Comment Written 16-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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thanks again.
Comment from lindyt
This keeps me reading, I like the honest quality. one confusing sentence was "She found out who and I was fired soon after. Actually..." I had to read this part a few times to understand how and when the firing happened. and how did you manage to hang on for a couple more years after that?
I'm on to read the next chapter!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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This keeps me reading, I like the honest quality. one confusing sentence was "She found out who and I was fired soon after. Actually..." I had to read this part a few times to understand how and when the firing happened. and how did you manage to hang on for a couple more years after that?
I'm on to read the next chapter!
Comment Written 05-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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I hung on by never giving them a reason to fire me.
Comment from Rama Rao
Your story shows good promise of a fascinating tale.
Learning English a bit late in life can be a daunting task. I am waiting to read the following chapters.
In this chapter, you need to pay attention to punctuation and add commas in some places. To name a few, shortage, and
buy for him, and
She found out who, and
Secondly,see two pronouns dont come together. Avoid them or put a comma in between. Eg, I wish I could tell you I- I wish I could say I
2.They had told me they had- They had said they
3.director of nurse's son-son of the Nurse's director?
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Your story shows good promise of a fascinating tale.
Learning English a bit late in life can be a daunting task. I am waiting to read the following chapters.
In this chapter, you need to pay attention to punctuation and add commas in some places. To name a few, shortage, and
buy for him, and
She found out who, and
Secondly,see two pronouns dont come together. Avoid them or put a comma in between. Eg, I wish I could tell you I- I wish I could say I
2.They had told me they had- They had said they
3.director of nurse's son-son of the Nurse's director?
Comment Written 05-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your review and the corrections.
Comment from Janice65
An interesting story. Reading these stories and chapters encourages me to try writing a book or just a short story. this story is well written and keeps a reader wondering what will happen next.
I could find no grammar or spelling mistakes, as it flowed well and I hope to read more later.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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An interesting story. Reading these stories and chapters encourages me to try writing a book or just a short story. this story is well written and keeps a reader wondering what will happen next.
I could find no grammar or spelling mistakes, as it flowed well and I hope to read more later.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the sicer much appriciated.
Comment from Permelia
You know I have to read the next chapter to see what you wrote! My mother choked to death in a rest home- she was paralyzed and could not feed herself- and a new employee shoved food into her mouth- the man who performed the autopsy phoned and wanted me to sue the nursing home- I couldn't cause it wouldn't bring back my Mom and I felt the poor woman was going to have enough nightmares.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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You know I have to read the next chapter to see what you wrote! My mother choked to death in a rest home- she was paralyzed and could not feed herself- and a new employee shoved food into her mouth- the man who performed the autopsy phoned and wanted me to sue the nursing home- I couldn't cause it wouldn't bring back my Mom and I felt the poor woman was going to have enough nightmares.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Thank you forreading and reviewing and for now sueing.
Comment from c_lucas
A wordsmith is talented to be able to draw any emotion out of their writing. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very easy read.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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A wordsmith is talented to be able to draw any emotion out of their writing. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very easy read.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the complement.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Karen Payton Holt
Hi there keimosobie, a compelling write.
Your inner voice has a great conversational tone, as though sitting in the pub, telling your life story to friends.
You structured it so well to suck me in, I suspect though, like me, it hit the page in whatever older it sprang to mind.
And what a hook! Great write. :0)
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Hi there keimosobie, a compelling write.
Your inner voice has a great conversational tone, as though sitting in the pub, telling your life story to friends.
You structured it so well to suck me in, I suspect though, like me, it hit the page in whatever older it sprang to mind.
And what a hook! Great write. :0)
Comment Written 05-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Thanks for the great review.
Comment from slapdasch
The content here clearly isn't to all tastes but what you've written in your first two chapters is effective and held my interest.
In particular, I liked your character portrayal of the English teacher. It's funny that writers are always told to think about an audience. Yet teachers like the battleaxe in your story, with their disregard for writing content, pretty much make sure that student writers have no real audience. You have to do or produce something drastic, as you did, to break down formal obsession with grammar and correctness.
I also liked the way you combined the fact of a deprived childhood and the detached narrative account of a horrific event. True, you describe what happened as a nightmare, but not unlike the usual non-response mode of the English teacher, I didn't get a strong sense of emotional trauma on the part of the narrator. This lack of a strong connection makes the story events that much more effective.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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The content here clearly isn't to all tastes but what you've written in your first two chapters is effective and held my interest.
In particular, I liked your character portrayal of the English teacher. It's funny that writers are always told to think about an audience. Yet teachers like the battleaxe in your story, with their disregard for writing content, pretty much make sure that student writers have no real audience. You have to do or produce something drastic, as you did, to break down formal obsession with grammar and correctness.
I also liked the way you combined the fact of a deprived childhood and the detached narrative account of a horrific event. True, you describe what happened as a nightmare, but not unlike the usual non-response mode of the English teacher, I didn't get a strong sense of emotional trauma on the part of the narrator. This lack of a strong connection makes the story events that much more effective.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the explination and the review.
