The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "The Red dress chapter twenty five"The story of a teenage girl
12 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
Are you kidding me?? They don't even get to go through one whole chapter without calamity? I just can't stand it!! These two have bulleyes painted on the tops of their heads and all the world is a bird with a full load..... it just stinks.
Of course I have to tune right in for the next chapter. I am most upset and must have resolution!!
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Are you kidding me?? They don't even get to go through one whole chapter without calamity? I just can't stand it!! These two have bulleyes painted on the tops of their heads and all the world is a bird with a full load..... it just stinks.
Of course I have to tune right in for the next chapter. I am most upset and must have resolution!!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Now that would be boring, Sue! Love the reference to the bullseye and bird poop, hilarious! My thanks yet again for the great review, and the time you've taken out to do it. Alexis x
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, alexis, you did a great job writing this chapter where lisa meets her mother again and alan loses the brakes on his car and crashes it, throwing mike through the windshield
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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this is very well written, alexis, you did a great job writing this chapter where lisa meets her mother again and alan loses the brakes on his car and crashes it, throwing mike through the windshield
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much for being such a Stirling reviewer, I enjoy every one. Alexis x
Comment from rwilliam
Lisa looked out of the train window feeling wretched, and felt the tears slide down her face.--Personal note: I think using the word 'wretched' is a blanket word here. Using something more specific would draw a better visual. It's so blanket I have a hard time 'seeing' her emotion. Am I making any sense? Let's see if I an TRY and explain it:--Lisa looked out of the train window feeling empty and utterly devastated. Is that clear as mud? Maybe it's just me?!
O M G!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO, he can't die!! Oh my goodness, you can really write drama girl! I hope I an do that when the time comes in my novel.! Bravo. Off to read more!
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
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Lisa looked out of the train window feeling wretched, and felt the tears slide down her face.--Personal note: I think using the word 'wretched' is a blanket word here. Using something more specific would draw a better visual. It's so blanket I have a hard time 'seeing' her emotion. Am I making any sense? Let's see if I an TRY and explain it:--Lisa looked out of the train window feeling empty and utterly devastated. Is that clear as mud? Maybe it's just me?!
O M G!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO, he can't die!! Oh my goodness, you can really write drama girl! I hope I an do that when the time comes in my novel.! Bravo. Off to read more!
Comment Written 02-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
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Spot on as usual, and used verbatim! Thank you my friend. Alexis x
Comment from Malerie
Ah, you have put an unexpected spin on this story. Now you have me intrigued; is Alan died? Lisa has no way of knowing what's going on with him. Will she think that he realized that he should stay with Carla and she decides to move on with Richard or Nick? You must keep writing; I am waiting to read the next chapter. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Ah, you have put an unexpected spin on this story. Now you have me intrigued; is Alan died? Lisa has no way of knowing what's going on with him. Will she think that he realized that he should stay with Carla and she decides to move on with Richard or Nick? You must keep writing; I am waiting to read the next chapter. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Yes, a whole new set of locations and people are about to enter the book and I doubt anyone could imagine any of it happening. (hopefully!) Thank you so much for your review. I should have the next two chapters posted by the end of the day. Alexis x
Comment from axelbeariter
Before she left she decided to go back to the bedroom and leave it out,/Put a comma after left----Back at the flat Alan was totally confused trying to work/Put a comma after flat----Fiona Collins was sitting in the reception of the hotel nursing a cup of coffee/Use an active voice: Fiona Collins sat in the reception room of the hotel nursing a cup of coffee----Whenever you come across a word ending in ing, question whether it could be stated in a better form----getting up at six thirty/Use six-thirty----Fiona studied the clothes Lisa was wearing/Use wore instead of was wearing----"I don't like what you're wearing, Lisa" A comment which didn't surprise Lisa in the least./Re-write: "I don't like what you're wearing, Lisa." That comment didn't surprise Lisa in the least.----She just wished/Cut down on using a lot of justs----She'd forgotten how particular her mother was./That would sound more accurate as: She remembered how particular her mother was.----They were laden down like pack mules/Nice----but they weren't having any effect He still felt totally miserable./Put a period after effect----"I don't think I can wait till then" Alan replied/Put a comma after then----where it lay crushed and silent..../Wow! Great hook.----You done good again.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Before she left she decided to go back to the bedroom and leave it out,/Put a comma after left----Back at the flat Alan was totally confused trying to work/Put a comma after flat----Fiona Collins was sitting in the reception of the hotel nursing a cup of coffee/Use an active voice: Fiona Collins sat in the reception room of the hotel nursing a cup of coffee----Whenever you come across a word ending in ing, question whether it could be stated in a better form----getting up at six thirty/Use six-thirty----Fiona studied the clothes Lisa was wearing/Use wore instead of was wearing----"I don't like what you're wearing, Lisa" A comment which didn't surprise Lisa in the least./Re-write: "I don't like what you're wearing, Lisa." That comment didn't surprise Lisa in the least.----She just wished/Cut down on using a lot of justs----She'd forgotten how particular her mother was./That would sound more accurate as: She remembered how particular her mother was.----They were laden down like pack mules/Nice----but they weren't having any effect He still felt totally miserable./Put a period after effect----"I don't think I can wait till then" Alan replied/Put a comma after then----where it lay crushed and silent..../Wow! Great hook.----You done good again.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much for your review, Axel. As usual, you are absolutely right, I was a little concerned about my over use of the word 'just.' I will add it to my '!' and 'that' patrol. Alexis x
Comment from AlexAX
Wow, never thought of anything like that happening, you really caught me off guard lol So many things going wrong, did someone cut the break lines or just coincidence that Lisa wouldn't be there at that time? Alex :)
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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Wow, never thought of anything like that happening, you really caught me off guard lol So many things going wrong, did someone cut the break lines or just coincidence that Lisa wouldn't be there at that time? Alex :)
Comment Written 31-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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Now that would be telling! Glad to say that there's lots of dips and dives coming up. Hope you enjoy them! Alexis x
Comment from MumEsGirl
Oh dear, more tragedy. Please tell me that not all of this is factual, it is almost too much for one person to bear.
Well written with a nice bit of suspense thrown in at the end of these chapters
kate
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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Oh dear, more tragedy. Please tell me that not all of this is factual, it is almost too much for one person to bear.
Well written with a nice bit of suspense thrown in at the end of these chapters
kate
Comment Written 31-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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I'm glad to say that after chapter 24, it's mostly fictional. Up until then, it is (nearly) a based on fact. Well, I had to make the heroine gorgeous, didn't I?! Thank you so much for your continued support and reviews. Alexis x
Comment from peggles
Despite the nature of the plot
it is never depressing in the way that makes me want to stop reading
I found your characters believable and as described realistic
I thought this story interesting and engaging
This was a good chapter
Which I enjoyed
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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Despite the nature of the plot
it is never depressing in the way that makes me want to stop reading
I found your characters believable and as described realistic
I thought this story interesting and engaging
This was a good chapter
Which I enjoyed
Comment Written 31-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Peggles. As I writer you know, misery often sells books. I think it's because we suddenly realise what a good life we have by comparison! Thank you again. Alexis x
Comment from Janilou
It's never easy coming into the middle of a novel to start reading, but it didn't take long for me to feel connected with your characters, and to want to read on to find out what happens to Alan.
Notes:
His eye wandered over to the dressing table, where an opened letter was lying.
I would suggest tightening this up a little like this:
His eye wandered over to the dressing table, where an opened letter lay.
Well done! A very entertaining story.
Jan
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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It's never easy coming into the middle of a novel to start reading, but it didn't take long for me to feel connected with your characters, and to want to read on to find out what happens to Alan.
Notes:
His eye wandered over to the dressing table, where an opened letter was lying.
I would suggest tightening this up a little like this:
His eye wandered over to the dressing table, where an opened letter lay.
Well done! A very entertaining story.
Jan
Comment Written 31-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for taking the time to review this chapter and make suggestions. That reads much better. Alexis x
Comment from debskatz
Hi alexis,
Well, that's a hell of a way to end a chapter. Geez... I'm glad everything went okay with her mother. As far as the accident, I'm sure Mike is dead, of course I'm wondering about Alan. Either way, it's not good. But a great plot twist!
Found some spag:
By the time he got back to the flat(,) he just
she was still there, he had - she was still there; he had
When Carla had gone abroad(,) he had
Alan had insisted she bought(buy).
No biggies. I know you'll fix 'em. So you're off on a business trip at a hotel. Sounds fun!!
Hurry up big time posting the next chapter!
smiles,
deb
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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Hi alexis,
Well, that's a hell of a way to end a chapter. Geez... I'm glad everything went okay with her mother. As far as the accident, I'm sure Mike is dead, of course I'm wondering about Alan. Either way, it's not good. But a great plot twist!
Found some spag:
By the time he got back to the flat(,) he just
she was still there, he had - she was still there; he had
When Carla had gone abroad(,) he had
Alan had insisted she bought(buy).
No biggies. I know you'll fix 'em. So you're off on a business trip at a hotel. Sounds fun!!
Hurry up big time posting the next chapter!
smiles,
deb
Comment Written 31-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much, Deb. Must admit I prefer working on my PC where all things are familiar! Thank you for the spag catches, I knew I could rely on you! Alexis x
