Friday
My feelings on a random Friday4 total reviews
Comment from pbs_2005
The idea of the poem is good. But format of the poem is like a story in verse. It is not rhymed. It is not recommendable. The poet needs to improve on the poetic format.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2012
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The idea of the poem is good. But format of the poem is like a story in verse. It is not rhymed. It is not recommendable. The poet needs to improve on the poetic format.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2012
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comments appreciated
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Darren, Misspelled the word "heart" and I'm not sure why you entered a 5-7-5 contest with this one. It doesn't fit the category or rules. The write itself is pretty good if not a little incoherent. Nice try. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2012
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Hi Darren, Misspelled the word "heart" and I'm not sure why you entered a 5-7-5 contest with this one. It doesn't fit the category or rules. The write itself is pretty good if not a little incoherent. Nice try. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 30-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2012
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thank you for taking time to read this, maybe i can read some of your work? Darren.
Comment from Galactia
It is a lot of great ideas, but as a poem itself, it needs a lot of revision, creating flow, rhythm , better meter.
Its great you tried to use stanza's. If this was a free verse,. you don't need them to be separated.
you could use metaphors to express your feelings. E.g. instead of saying i am sad try (winter swirls within ne,
Also 5'7'5 is layered out as such,
1st stanza = 5 syllables
2nd stanza = 7 syllables
3rd standza = 5 syllables
Regards
Tia
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2012
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It is a lot of great ideas, but as a poem itself, it needs a lot of revision, creating flow, rhythm , better meter.
Its great you tried to use stanza's. If this was a free verse,. you don't need them to be separated.
you could use metaphors to express your feelings. E.g. instead of saying i am sad try (winter swirls within ne,
Also 5'7'5 is layered out as such,
1st stanza = 5 syllables
2nd stanza = 7 syllables
3rd standza = 5 syllables
Regards
Tia
Comment Written 30-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2012
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New to the site and found the 5-7-5 the only free, way of entering a piece of work, Thanks for your comments.
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Any competition where you win real money of $100 are free entry.
those like prompts and challengers give you fanstory credits you have to pay 5.00 credits to participate and 6.55 credits to re-post for 2 days. As the initial 5.00 you pay only gives 2 reviews...sigh
Regards
Tia
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ok thanks hon
Comment from Chris Tee
Your poem has too many lines.
Sorry I had to abandon the read because this is not to the required format.
You will not shape in the contest.
This is a three line poem required.
It must have 5 syllables not words in the first line.
7 syllables not words in the second.
It must have 5 syllables in the last line
Let me try to help you.
It is a 5-7-5, haiku and senryu format, Ok:
Example:
I love you so much = 5 syllables
My love for you is extreme = 7 syllables
Much is love for you = 5 syllables
Three lines only you see
Every = 3 syllables e=1 ve=1 ry=1 total = 3
Now do not give up go and edit it.
Take your time to figure it out do not rush Ok.
Before you post a poem read the rules carefully and abide by those rules.
Once you have edited it reply to me.
I shall re-review it for you.
If you do not understand tell me in your reply Ok,
I shall try to help you further
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2012
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Your poem has too many lines.
Sorry I had to abandon the read because this is not to the required format.
You will not shape in the contest.
This is a three line poem required.
It must have 5 syllables not words in the first line.
7 syllables not words in the second.
It must have 5 syllables in the last line
Let me try to help you.
It is a 5-7-5, haiku and senryu format, Ok:
Example:
I love you so much = 5 syllables
My love for you is extreme = 7 syllables
Much is love for you = 5 syllables
Three lines only you see
Every = 3 syllables e=1 ve=1 ry=1 total = 3
Now do not give up go and edit it.
Take your time to figure it out do not rush Ok.
Before you post a poem read the rules carefully and abide by those rules.
Once you have edited it reply to me.
I shall re-review it for you.
If you do not understand tell me in your reply Ok,
I shall try to help you further
Comment Written 30-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2012
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its a shame this wasn't to your liking. thanks
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You must follow the format and rules of the contest and I am not being funny or hard on you. I actually explained every thing to you so that you understand the poetic requirements old sport.
