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A ROUGH BEGINNING


Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Chapter Five - Part One"

Irish immigrants seeking a new life in the USA.

  75 total reviews 
Comment by
Minataur
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
The dialogue is strong and shows the deep love between mother and daughter. Your descriptions are vivid. I love your stories because it feels as though your heart and soul are in them.

Hugs,

Maggie


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2012


reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
    Thank you for your review, comments, and stars, Maggie. Charlie
Comment by
ScarletClearwater
 
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This was mainly a dialogue piece so it was riddled with just enough details. Great job with the language. I enjoyed this bit.


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2012


reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
    Thank you for your review and comments, Scarlet. Charlie
Comment by
Jade Johnson
 
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Lovely chapter. I really enjoyed the read. So nice to find that everything went well and the characters have formed such strong bonds including Aunty Powell.

Blessings Jade


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2012


reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
    Thank you for your review and comments, Jade. The group is about to be torn apart. Charlie
Comment by
Roberta Joan Jensen
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Did you skip chapter 5? The last was chapter 4.

Brianna's children will be making []better role models for her.

Caitlin finished her breakfast and drank the last of her milk. "I'm finished[,] Mum. Can we go?"

Caitlin turned. "No[,] Mum. I'm not supposed t' run in the hallway."

Kathleen's holding Caitlin's hand while going downstairs might be a little overly protective at age five. Caitlin probably runs up and down those stairs a dozen times a day, and runs outside to play. If she were three maybe, but probably not by age five. She'd probably tell her not to run down the stairs, though.

Heather's flipping caitlin upside down reminded me fo the baby elephant walk. Did you ever do that where the child is held upside and she puts her hands on the feet of the holder and they walk around like that?

Roberta


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2012


reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
    Thank you for your review and comments, Roberta. I made corrections. The stairs are unsafe. In an earlier chapter, Heather almost fell down them. Charlie
Comment by
axelbeariter
 
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drinking her special tea,/Although she wasn't in a wheelchair, my mother drank special tea too; laced with 100 proof something.----Another well written chapter.


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2012


reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
    Thank you for your review and comments, Axel. Mrs. Kennedy's special tea is Fox Glove Tea for her heart. Charlie
Comment by
Smurphgirl
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  Rank:  6
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  Rank:  21
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  Rank:  60
 

#6 Ranked Author
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I enjoyed this chapter very much. Marvelous dialogue and terrific imagery too. thoroughly enjoyed the delightful manner in which you showed the reader the love between Catlin, her mother, and everyone else in the house. This is a delightful and fun chapter. I look forward to reading the next one.


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2012


reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
    Thank you for your review and comments, Sasha. Charlie
Comment by
cheyennewy
 
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  Rank:  19
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  Rank:  66
 
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Hi Charlie,

This is a delightful story and one I enjoyed from beginning to end. Catlin is a handful but so sweet and impossible not to love. I like the dialect as it makes the story seem real to me. I wonder if Kathleen will ever see Sean again? It is just as well she doesn't ever have to deal with him again. Excellent chapter! chey


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2012


reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
    Thank you for your review and comments, Chey. Unfortunately, Sean will reappear, after the death of Mrs. Kennedy. Charlie

reply by cheyennewy on 29-Jan-2012
    Dang!!

reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
    He has few more dastardly acts to perform before he is gone.

reply by cheyennewy on 29-Jan-2012
    ugh!!
Comment by
Shirley B
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  Rank:  28
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  Rank:  191
 
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Dear Charlie, I always love your chapters. I love the dialect spoken. You really have that down . The closeness of the family seems very real. I can't wait to read the next chapter, Shirley


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2012


reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
    Thank you for your review and comments, Shirley. Charlie
Comment by
rchitwood
 
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Another very good chapter and it is not hard to see who controls the adults here. Caitlin is loved by all these ladies and the love is felt in your dialogue. Very strong characters and draws the reader's attention well. I would recommend this to others. Blessings Rita


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2012


reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
    Thank you for your review and comments, Rita. Charlie
Comment by
Patrick G Cox
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  Rank:  567 (+1)
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  Rank:  122
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  Rank:  42
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  Rank:  290
 
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Hi Charlie,

A very informative chapter, the child is certainly growing now. One correction I think -

Mrs Powell seems to become Mrs Powers for several paragraphs ...

Patrick


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2012


reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
    Thank you for your review and comments, Patrick. I made the corrections. Charlie
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The Master's Rise
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