Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 50 "part one, Chapter 16"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
81 total reviews
Comment from JW
This chapter is another good addition to your story. It definitely sounds like Anna is being harassed again. One cannot wait to see what happens next. JW
Here are a few items you may want to review:
There's a new caf© (cafe) that just opened
I hope all the people aren't eating at the caf© (cafe).
I liked this caf© (cafe).
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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This chapter is another good addition to your story. It definitely sounds like Anna is being harassed again. One cannot wait to see what happens next. JW
Here are a few items you may want to review:
There's a new caf© (cafe) that just opened
I hope all the people aren't eating at the caf© (cafe).
I liked this caf© (cafe).
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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In my manuscript Word automaticially puts an accent on cafe. EE doesn't recognise it and fixes it for me. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
Poor Anna. It seems that the harassment never ends for her. The phone calls and now the flat tire and the note. Good suspense. Anna still feels that she'll never be free from the damage the spousal abuse has caused. I'd have liked to have a little bit of presentation of what happened at the meeting. Anna is lucky to have her supportive friends and Troy. Realistic characterizations and situations. Great chapter. judi
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Poor Anna. It seems that the harassment never ends for her. The phone calls and now the flat tire and the note. Good suspense. Anna still feels that she'll never be free from the damage the spousal abuse has caused. I'd have liked to have a little bit of presentation of what happened at the meeting. Anna is lucky to have her supportive friends and Troy. Realistic characterizations and situations. Great chapter. judi
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. I didn't go into the meeting because I felt it would be redunit because Anna is living it. I will rethink it.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
You're still moving along at a good clip, Barbara. Anna is weathering the harrassment well since she has a good support system. It'd break someone who has to deal with this treatment alone. Well done. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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You're still moving along at a good clip, Barbara. Anna is weathering the harrassment well since she has a good support system. It'd break someone who has to deal with this treatment alone. Well done. :) Nancy
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Oh oh the cliff hanger had my heart pounding.
This is well done, I didn't see anything that stood out for me.
It flowed well, and as always your story and characters are gaining strength and delivering it well to the reader.
Great job
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Edit check:
"Anna turned and faced Troy. "There's a new (caf©) that just opened on the next.. " // Did you want caf© to look like that? You have it that way through out your story. I've just never seen it like that before.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Oh oh the cliff hanger had my heart pounding.
This is well done, I didn't see anything that stood out for me.
It flowed well, and as always your story and characters are gaining strength and delivering it well to the reader.
Great job
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Edit check:
"Anna turned and faced Troy. "There's a new (caf©) that just opened on the next.. " // Did you want caf© to look like that? You have it that way through out your story. I've just never seen it like that before.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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I didn't want cafe to look like that, but Evil Eddie does. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from purrfect tale
I'm glad she didn't get out of the car for the note. It smells like a set-up to me. Another good chapter. I keep repeating that but it's always true.
Notes:
She turned toward the man() sitting by the door and grinned. - no comma needed here
She rubbed his arm. (")I didn't mean to."
Tip: I generally only give this to people who have a shot at getting published. Except for dialog, every paragraph needs a minimum of 3 sentences. Otherwise, the publishing house editor is going to tell you to delete or expand it anyway. EX:
Anna rushed to find a seat just as the spousal abuse meeting began. Just in time. - If you delete her thought of "Just in time", then your next paragraph can be added to this one.
The sun had just set when Anna () walked to her car.
(I>I'm - typo or stutter?) glad Paul gave me the phone.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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I'm glad she didn't get out of the car for the note. It smells like a set-up to me. Another good chapter. I keep repeating that but it's always true.
Notes:
She turned toward the man() sitting by the door and grinned. - no comma needed here
She rubbed his arm. (")I didn't mean to."
Tip: I generally only give this to people who have a shot at getting published. Except for dialog, every paragraph needs a minimum of 3 sentences. Otherwise, the publishing house editor is going to tell you to delete or expand it anyway. EX:
Anna rushed to find a seat just as the spousal abuse meeting began. Just in time. - If you delete her thought of "Just in time", then your next paragraph can be added to this one.
The sun had just set when Anna () walked to her car.
(I>I'm - typo or stutter?) glad Paul gave me the phone.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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I have made the corrections. I appreciate the help.
Comment from dbmccarter
You are slowly given Anna some courageous. Great. Now it will have to be tested. Glad she is doing what Paul wants. Now what happens next. Great addition to story.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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You are slowly given Anna some courageous. Great. Now it will have to be tested. Glad she is doing what Paul wants. Now what happens next. Great addition to story.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Paradox Tremors
Another great chapter my friend--just one question---'He grabbed his (her )arm.' Shouldn't "his" be "her" instead? Or did I read too fast on this. I hope Anna will be okay. I got the sinking notion what happened to her tire. And you might want to check this sentence out as well-- 'I>I'm glad Paul gave me the phone.' Overall, another good addition to your story my friend.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Another great chapter my friend--just one question---'He grabbed his (her )arm.' Shouldn't "his" be "her" instead? Or did I read too fast on this. I hope Anna will be okay. I got the sinking notion what happened to her tire. And you might want to check this sentence out as well-- 'I>I'm glad Paul gave me the phone.' Overall, another good addition to your story my friend.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Troy grabbed HIS arm where Anna hit him, pretending it hurt, Maybe I need to make it clearer. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from James McCorkle
I liked what I read here, but think the amount displayed was just a wee bit too short to give me any idea of what has transpired previously and what danger awaits Anna. I need to know more.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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I liked what I read here, but think the amount displayed was just a wee bit too short to give me any idea of what has transpired previously and what danger awaits Anna. I need to know more.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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I am posting short because, if I posted it with the next part it would be over 1700 words. Thank you for the kind review.
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I understand. James
Comment from jadapenn
Hmmm, the harassment is just not letting up. There is always some type of emergency going on. This chapter progressed the story well. Luv jada
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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Hmmm, the harassment is just not letting up. There is always some type of emergency going on. This chapter progressed the story well. Luv jada
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and friendship.
Comment from Gungalo
Boy it never ceases does it. I can't imagine going through so much and having no life that isn't constantly watching over my shoulder. I hope she is safe waiting for Paul.
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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Boy it never ceases does it. I can't imagine going through so much and having no life that isn't constantly watching over my shoulder. I hope she is safe waiting for Paul.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Sigh ...
