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Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Paint For Me Poetic Art"Poetry about poetry
39 total reviews
Comment from Poetic Friend
Impressive, impressive, impressive! You have painted for me in poetic art. I am awestrucked by your enriched words and unique phrasing. If there were a single line of cliche in this poem, I did not noticed. for the word weaving was just superb!
I see another Poem of the Month nomination for this one!
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Impressive, impressive, impressive! You have painted for me in poetic art. I am awestrucked by your enriched words and unique phrasing. If there were a single line of cliche in this poem, I did not noticed. for the word weaving was just superb!
I see another Poem of the Month nomination for this one!
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Thank you! What an honor this is! Thank you!
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
VisionaryPoet777:
This is certainly a masterpiece in visual words
the presentation is absolutely stunning; the
words take the reader on a trip with the writer
to a place which sounds beyond compare
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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VisionaryPoet777:
This is certainly a masterpiece in visual words
the presentation is absolutely stunning; the
words take the reader on a trip with the writer
to a place which sounds beyond compare
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 28-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Jan. So glad this touched you.
Comment from Jean Lutz
FanStory's own Miriam in the form of a Jewell. I love your inspirational writing to motivate others. Oh for the time and resources, but for that we must wait on the Lord.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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FanStory's own Miriam in the form of a Jewell. I love your inspirational writing to motivate others. Oh for the time and resources, but for that we must wait on the Lord.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Amen, girl. Love ya, Jean.
Comment from Gungalo
Nice try girl to wake up the forces that herein dwell. I'd love to see it happen but believe it will not. A well written piece of poetry that beckons all to tear it apart and start again.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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Nice try girl to wake up the forces that herein dwell. I'd love to see it happen but believe it will not. A well written piece of poetry that beckons all to tear it apart and start again.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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Lol. Those who agree don't mind.
Thanks friend!!
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LOL.
Comment from rama devi
What a beautiful, glorious poem--rich in imagery an delightful to read. LOVE the artwork and presentation as well. SO many fine and memorable phrases. Yet, still, i have some suggestions:
Revieing notes:
Color my world in imagery
beyond knowledge,
infiltrate my spirit in truth.
What a wonderfully energetic opening--drew me right in.
*Love the phrasing in second stanza in terms of meaning and word choice but the structure is slightly awkward--in terms of spag and flow:
Synergy guides our friendship(: or --)
I wait to drink of your fountain, overflowing
Sounds slightly odd to me-to my ear, it would sounds better to avoid reverse syntax and say: overflowing fountain
If you like it this way, it is fine to keep but then i suggest a comma after overflowing.
and tap into your Divine energy. --nice line.
Take me to a concert of the spirit's song
where all voices sing
in the corners of four winds(,)
and nature harmonizes along.
I LOVE that stanza. Note one spag suggestion. That sounds super read aloud. Wonderful flow.
I have seen your heart
in the brightest crimson rose,
I felt your pain at the prick of its thorns.
I stood in the midst of an angry crowd
as I sensed your misunderstandings.
Love the content, tone, assonance and consonance, etc. The nit with this stanza is too many I's. Suggest a trim of pronouns:
I have seen your heart
in the brightest crimson rose,
felt your pain at the prick of its thorns.
I stood in the midst of an angry crowd
and sensed your misunderstandings.
Not sure how smoothly that tense shift works...when all the surrounding stanzas are in present tense.
Paint the sunset with your eloquent pen,
Meet my heart in dawn's afterglow,
or rise with me to wait for inspiration
in the cozy seat of the crescent moon
or beneath a glowing sunrise,
where ribbons of red and gold speak
in layers at a time.
this is exquisitely descriptive...yummy delicious imagery, phrasing and word choice.
Dare me to vacation in your private cove
where your dreams take the world
to imagination's fair,
or reminisce life's lessons,free of regret
looking back in retrospective delight.
Lovel. LOE the line imagination's fair. I think there is a space missing before FREE in second to last line. Nice assonance of E, consonance of V and S, alliteration of L
Will you hand me the key
to open your heart's door?
Will I see love composing your song?
I can only wonder if my heart's melody
has already played along~
Lovely stanza with smooth flow and fine phrasing. Not sure about the ~ symbol in place of a period, though.
Challenge my mind to travel a journey
where you embrace your own truth,(;)
Convince me to believe your inspirations.
When you believe, I can too.
Love the closing line of this stanza. nice thoughts...well voiced. Note one spag suggestion.
I will honor you in your world
if you take me home in words.
What a stupendous closing line! A stroke of genius--really makes a memorable impact.
This poem has so much richness and is a pleasure to read, though it does have room for fine tuning still...
Love and light,
rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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What a beautiful, glorious poem--rich in imagery an delightful to read. LOVE the artwork and presentation as well. SO many fine and memorable phrases. Yet, still, i have some suggestions:
Revieing notes:
Color my world in imagery
beyond knowledge,
infiltrate my spirit in truth.
What a wonderfully energetic opening--drew me right in.
*Love the phrasing in second stanza in terms of meaning and word choice but the structure is slightly awkward--in terms of spag and flow:
Synergy guides our friendship(: or --)
I wait to drink of your fountain, overflowing
Sounds slightly odd to me-to my ear, it would sounds better to avoid reverse syntax and say: overflowing fountain
If you like it this way, it is fine to keep but then i suggest a comma after overflowing.
and tap into your Divine energy. --nice line.
Take me to a concert of the spirit's song
where all voices sing
in the corners of four winds(,)
and nature harmonizes along.
I LOVE that stanza. Note one spag suggestion. That sounds super read aloud. Wonderful flow.
I have seen your heart
in the brightest crimson rose,
I felt your pain at the prick of its thorns.
I stood in the midst of an angry crowd
as I sensed your misunderstandings.
Love the content, tone, assonance and consonance, etc. The nit with this stanza is too many I's. Suggest a trim of pronouns:
I have seen your heart
in the brightest crimson rose,
felt your pain at the prick of its thorns.
I stood in the midst of an angry crowd
and sensed your misunderstandings.
Not sure how smoothly that tense shift works...when all the surrounding stanzas are in present tense.
Paint the sunset with your eloquent pen,
Meet my heart in dawn's afterglow,
or rise with me to wait for inspiration
in the cozy seat of the crescent moon
or beneath a glowing sunrise,
where ribbons of red and gold speak
in layers at a time.
this is exquisitely descriptive...yummy delicious imagery, phrasing and word choice.
Dare me to vacation in your private cove
where your dreams take the world
to imagination's fair,
or reminisce life's lessons,free of regret
looking back in retrospective delight.
Lovel. LOE the line imagination's fair. I think there is a space missing before FREE in second to last line. Nice assonance of E, consonance of V and S, alliteration of L
Will you hand me the key
to open your heart's door?
Will I see love composing your song?
I can only wonder if my heart's melody
has already played along~
Lovely stanza with smooth flow and fine phrasing. Not sure about the ~ symbol in place of a period, though.
Challenge my mind to travel a journey
where you embrace your own truth,(;)
Convince me to believe your inspirations.
When you believe, I can too.
Love the closing line of this stanza. nice thoughts...well voiced. Note one spag suggestion.
I will honor you in your world
if you take me home in words.
What a stupendous closing line! A stroke of genius--really makes a memorable impact.
This poem has so much richness and is a pleasure to read, though it does have room for fine tuning still...
Love and light,
rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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It is my voice, so I'll definitely fix punctuation issues but doubt I will rewrite my poem for one critique.
Note to reviewer:
So glad I didn't have you as a creative writing teacher!
You're TOUGH! LOL
Love you, anyway!
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I love you too
However, I will probably refrain from reviewing your poems in future (though i will continue to read them)...because my intent is never to 'dictate that you have to rewrite the poem' and it shocks me that you would think so, having known me all these years GOSH!
the rating, if that's what irks you--is because of spag and as you know, i always upgrade when its fixed.
I do not EVER rate a poem down because of stylistic choices (like reverse syntax) unless they handicap the ability for readers to understand the work...but I do take time to mention the bumps that occur to me, in case the poet wants to know how people honestly respond to each line. This is a service and not a dictatorship...offered with humility and love.
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I'm not irked hun.
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That's good!~
Comment from DALLAS01
Too many well chosen phrases to mention. The imagery is vivid but what make this poem memorable for me is the strong use of the verbs that begin the lines i.e.: paint and dare.
My favorite line :
where ribbons of red and gold speak
in layers at a time.
Great personification. This poem lives and breathes commitment to the written word.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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Too many well chosen phrases to mention. The imagery is vivid but what make this poem memorable for me is the strong use of the verbs that begin the lines i.e.: paint and dare.
My favorite line :
where ribbons of red and gold speak
in layers at a time.
Great personification. This poem lives and breathes commitment to the written word.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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Thanks so very much my friend!
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you're welcome.
Comment from FREE-ONE
This is a beautiful and I truly understand when you say give the readers a journey, I strive too always and you have truly created a piece of poetic art here...your words are delicious and rolled off my minds tongue. I can visualize and see where each thought was taking me...I found it exquisite and enjoyed tremendously....Free
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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This is a beautiful and I truly understand when you say give the readers a journey, I strive too always and you have truly created a piece of poetic art here...your words are delicious and rolled off my minds tongue. I can visualize and see where each thought was taking me...I found it exquisite and enjoyed tremendously....Free
Comment Written 28-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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Hello FREE ONE. Your review was a pleasure.
Thankkyou so much!
Comment from The Stranger
well as I have long come to realise, there are works on here that fail to gain the recogniton they truly desrve, and this is a prime example
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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well as I have long come to realise, there are works on here that fail to gain the recogniton they truly desrve, and this is a prime example
Comment Written 28-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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Hi Stranger. What a pleasure hearing from you again and an added treat of six glorious stars. Thanks so much!
Comment from honeytree
The art work is really great
The words allow us to read
Such wonderful sincere words.
This poetic art is very special to see and to read.
Honey tree
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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The art work is really great
The words allow us to read
Such wonderful sincere words.
This poetic art is very special to see and to read.
Honey tree
Comment Written 28-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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Thank you honey.
Comment from beadyredeyes
I like the content and the idea;instead of addressing fellow writers with criticism, you offer inspiration and a challenge. Kudos to that!
The use of language here is flowing, romantic and positive.
Beautiful imagery, particularly the forth stanza which is full of light and color.
Thanks for this! ;)
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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I like the content and the idea;instead of addressing fellow writers with criticism, you offer inspiration and a challenge. Kudos to that!
The use of language here is flowing, romantic and positive.
Beautiful imagery, particularly the forth stanza which is full of light and color.
Thanks for this! ;)
Comment Written 28-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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Thank YOU!
