Experiences of Death
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Cup"Metre ... Mixed
10 total reviews
Comment from rchitwood
A very inspiring poem and has strong emotions of Faith for the Lord. It takes the hand Of Jesus to help lift the cup.
Very good images of the communion and smooth line flow. Your photo compliments your poem well. Blessings Rita
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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A very inspiring poem and has strong emotions of Faith for the Lord. It takes the hand Of Jesus to help lift the cup.
Very good images of the communion and smooth line flow. Your photo compliments your poem well. Blessings Rita
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Many thanks Rita...
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey Bic
When I think of the sacrament and the price paid to make our renewed vows with Him, I am reminded of the suffering in Gethsemane where He took upon Himself the sins of the world, and then my cup runneth over. I am grateful for the blood of that Man
Bear
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Hey Bic
When I think of the sacrament and the price paid to make our renewed vows with Him, I am reminded of the suffering in Gethsemane where He took upon Himself the sins of the world, and then my cup runneth over. I am grateful for the blood of that Man
Bear
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Thanks Bear a shared sentiment...appreciated.
Comment from Kingsland
I am glad you put the meaning of this poem in your notes.I had no ides of what this was relating to until I read your short note. Then it all came into focus for me. I still enjoyed reading this well written verse... John
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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I am glad you put the meaning of this poem in your notes.I had no ides of what this was relating to until I read your short note. Then it all came into focus for me. I still enjoyed reading this well written verse... John
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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Thank you John...
Comment from rashi kumar
This is such a thoughtful poem,
very well-written indeed!
A very deep meaning beneath,
so much of righteousness, wisdom and truth.
Appealing!
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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This is such a thoughtful poem,
very well-written indeed!
A very deep meaning beneath,
so much of righteousness, wisdom and truth.
Appealing!
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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Thanks rashi, glad you like that is what the cup is about...
Comment from Honeysuckle1876
Wonderful words in this poem but I gave it a four star because you shouldn't capitalize the first word in every line. You have used punctuation, which in places is a little too much, so the need to read like sentences. This is a free verse poem so it is ok to write each line like a full sentence.Otherwise, great poem and meaning.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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Wonderful words in this poem but I gave it a four star because you shouldn't capitalize the first word in every line. You have used punctuation, which in places is a little too much, so the need to read like sentences. This is a free verse poem so it is ok to write each line like a full sentence.Otherwise, great poem and meaning.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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Honey suckle can I ask you to read one review in particular that describes what this poem is in it`s form...
...secondly, as far as I can make out the punctuation is fine, unless you care to enlighten...
...thirdly, the capitilization at the beginning of a line is entirely at the discrection of poet who has the liberty to capitilize...note: there is no rule to govern this so clled error, if there is I would like to hear about it...please.
Comment from Janie King
Very well-written and respective of a sacred symbol of what Jesus paid for our salvation. I was privileged to take communion by the garden tomb in Israel..what a price He paid. Great poem. God bless.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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Very well-written and respective of a sacred symbol of what Jesus paid for our salvation. I was privileged to take communion by the garden tomb in Israel..what a price He paid. Great poem. God bless.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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That must have been quite an experience...God Bless.
Comment from Modee
I've always watched peoples' faces as they take communion. Some in prayer and some looking around at other people, just going through the motions. This is very nice. Beautifully done. great picture to go with it. :)
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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I've always watched peoples' faces as they take communion. Some in prayer and some looking around at other people, just going through the motions. This is very nice. Beautifully done. great picture to go with it. :)
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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Many thanks...
Comment from KimAnez
I like the imagery and feeling of this poem. I believe its flow gained momentum because it was slightly awkward at first. I would have scored higher but for a couple of small errors.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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I like the imagery and feeling of this poem. I believe its flow gained momentum because it was slightly awkward at first. I would have scored higher but for a couple of small errors.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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Any chance of letting me know what you think the errors may be as that is what the review is for so IF I agree I can change and gain another star, many thanks.
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The first and last sentences are questions. Is a cup drunk or the beverage inside?
"It's" should be "Its."
Best wishes.
The tenses (past and present) are mixed.
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I dont mean to be predantic but the cup and the reference of its or it`s seems to be agreeable with what I have to say. If you are reffering to it`s a cup best drunk slowly, then the reference is about more than just the beverage inside the cup and the communion is more may I add than just tasting a beverage.
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Thank you for your poetry.
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...I forgot to say that as far as I can see the the last two sentences are observations not questions unless you are refering to the last line that is actually a hanging line seperate from the end of the poem which ends with me. the hanging line is a question and I deliberately left te question mark out of the equasion because I thought it suited the emphasis more, however I like the idea of a question mark after it and may decide if I like it to put one in.
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...I forgot to say that as far as I can see the the last two sentences are observations not questions unless you are refering to the last line that is actually a hanging line seperate from the end of the poem which ends with me. the hanging line is a question and I deliberately left te question mark out of the equasion because I thought it suited the emphasis more, however I like the idea of a question mark after it and may decide if I like it to put one in.
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...by the way just so you do not go running into the abyss of wilderness, it`s is short fot it is...get it...
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...by the way just so you do not go running into the abyss of wilderness, it`s is short fot it is...get it...
Comment from ScarletClearwater
Thank you for the author notes as the meaning becomes even more clear. It was a lovely write and a wise read. Great job with this piece.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the author notes as the meaning becomes even more clear. It was a lovely write and a wise read. Great job with this piece.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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Thank you Scarlet, much appreciated.
Comment from Penny 4 your thought
This is a descriptive free verse poem. There is no doubt that your words paint a picture for your reader to see. The art you have chosen to represent your work by ramonafracces is well suited to this piece. All in all a solid five
Penny 4 your thought
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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This is a descriptive free verse poem. There is no doubt that your words paint a picture for your reader to see. The art you have chosen to represent your work by ramonafracces is well suited to this piece. All in all a solid five
Penny 4 your thought
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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Many thanks...
...just a note it is a slant rhyme, normative count or pentameter which is 2 syllables per foot and an arrangement of five feet per line. I also like to personally call it an epic poem which does not really agree with the free verse poetry form...
Many thanks, hope I can keep the five.
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I have not heard of this form but I will make a note and be more careful in the future. I am just learning. I really love it when authors put that type of information in their notes I have really been educated in this way since I have joined. Thank you. Penny... yes you keep the five
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Excellent Penny...
I try to keep the formal information out of the notes and keep thhem for the things that inspired the poem. I like to think that when people review they would have some idea of their looking at. Metered poetry is completly different to free verse and is quite if not very strict with varying different syllable counts for appeal. When it is a more complecated poem like some of the sonnets I tend to put info in the notes.
It might be a good idea to get to grips with syllables so you can understand more about what you look at. The sad fact is that when people dont know what their looking at they just label as Free Verse, hoowever free verse has a complete secret of its own and I hope in your discoveries throughout the poetic world you come to discover it...quite liberating and beautiful as I have recently discovered having written mostly in strict meter.
Hope you enjoy your writing and remember we are all here to learn...everyone just has different levels of skill in different areas...dont be afraid to mention you are a newbie at different forms and allow for discussion and improvement.
Most people just want a quick buck and get their work out...take time to discover the skill within the poem...if it has any...lol...even if it doesnt hang in and find where improvement and correction can help, if they dont want to know what can you do...just take care a there is a lot of talent about and just because you dont understand it does not mean the authour doesnt...
Enjoy, many thanks.
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you are so welcome. I am a story teller by nature and only recently have tried my hand at poetry. as a matter of fact until recently I have never kept anything that I have ever wrote. A friend made me do it. So here I am. Penny
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Excellent...a worthy friend.
One word of advice, we are not infallible. What we first write as poems may only be the seed of the actual finished product, as you will probably know.
I had notes for years and did not know what to do with them I only knew that one day I would read a finished article out of them and here I am...
If I can help or your looking for advice try using the Private Message system saves on dirty washing if you see what I mean...lol.
Anytime Penny.
