Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 49 "Part three, Chapter 15"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
88 total reviews
Comment from NaughtieScribe
Oh you are killing me. She didn't have to sleep with him, just a sweet kiss with a lot of promise. Is that so much to ask for. OOOOohhhhh man. Finally a spark of defiance, don't let Anna keep making a victim of herself. If she doesn't learn to standup for herself, she can never have a life of her own.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2012
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Oh you are killing me. She didn't have to sleep with him, just a sweet kiss with a lot of promise. Is that so much to ask for. OOOOohhhhh man. Finally a spark of defiance, don't let Anna keep making a victim of herself. If she doesn't learn to standup for herself, she can never have a life of her own.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2012
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Thank you.
Comment from gramalot8
Barbara, I haven't been on here for awhile and this last week I've been catching up. Read all the chapters between my last review up to this one. Loved it all, of course. They are just so cute together. Now, this female voice comes in to haunt her. Looking forward to next chapter...
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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Barbara, I haven't been on here for awhile and this last week I've been catching up. Read all the chapters between my last review up to this one. Loved it all, of course. They are just so cute together. Now, this female voice comes in to haunt her. Looking forward to next chapter...
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
Anna turned on the TV before she grabbed a magazine and sat on the couch. --- I don't know if I can explain this in a way that makes sense, but, to me, "before" should be used in a different way.
Anna decided to watch the news, but before turning on the TV, she fixed a cup of tea.
It was time to go to bed, but before going upstairs, she checked all the locks one more time.
Your sentence is simply a sequence of actions, but the way it's written, "before she grabbed a magazine" seems like the main focus.
"Anna turned on the TV, grabbed a magazine, and sat on the couch."
Anna decided to read her "Women's Daily," but before grabbing the magazine, she turned on the TV.
It's all in where you want the focus of the sentence. I hope this makes sense.
Come on Anna. Get some backbone. change your phone number or do something constructive.
Roberta
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Anna turned on the TV before she grabbed a magazine and sat on the couch. --- I don't know if I can explain this in a way that makes sense, but, to me, "before" should be used in a different way.
Anna decided to watch the news, but before turning on the TV, she fixed a cup of tea.
It was time to go to bed, but before going upstairs, she checked all the locks one more time.
Your sentence is simply a sequence of actions, but the way it's written, "before she grabbed a magazine" seems like the main focus.
"Anna turned on the TV, grabbed a magazine, and sat on the couch."
Anna decided to read her "Women's Daily," but before grabbing the magazine, she turned on the TV.
It's all in where you want the focus of the sentence. I hope this makes sense.
Come on Anna. Get some backbone. change your phone number or do something constructive.
Roberta
Comment Written 26-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and your suggestions.
Comment from R. J. Stewart
It sounds to me Troy is being insensitive to Anna, and he should be with her to help battle her demons, not: "Oh, help yourself...then we can be together." Sort of an oxymoron. And Anna seems a little blind (even dimwitted) to Troy's selfish nature. Love blinds all?
To me, the alarm at Troy's work was kind of metaphoric, almost like a prelude to Anna's guilt in dating again... or this is what I got. Then the phone call from the mysterious woman, giving emphasize to the guilt like a kick to reality to Anna for being blind to Troy's insensitive nature.
But interesting cliffhanger.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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It sounds to me Troy is being insensitive to Anna, and he should be with her to help battle her demons, not: "Oh, help yourself...then we can be together." Sort of an oxymoron. And Anna seems a little blind (even dimwitted) to Troy's selfish nature. Love blinds all?
To me, the alarm at Troy's work was kind of metaphoric, almost like a prelude to Anna's guilt in dating again... or this is what I got. Then the phone call from the mysterious woman, giving emphasize to the guilt like a kick to reality to Anna for being blind to Troy's insensitive nature.
But interesting cliffhanger.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. I am not sure you understand Troy at all. He has only has Anna best interest at heart.
Comment from RazberryBullet
Got a chuckle here: After Troy closed the door, Anna locked it and leaned against it. His big blue eyes and dimples are dangerous. His aftershave is intoxicating. :)
Good for Anna!...she stood and wiped her eyes with her arm. "I refuse to spend another second having a pity party. I'm through playing their games."
Well done!
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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Got a chuckle here: After Troy closed the door, Anna locked it and leaned against it. His big blue eyes and dimples are dangerous. His aftershave is intoxicating. :)
Good for Anna!...she stood and wiped her eyes with her arm. "I refuse to spend another second having a pity party. I'm through playing their games."
Well done!
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from Magpiemazy.
This is a strong story with an equally strong message. You grab my attention with the first paragraph and held it throughout the chapter.
Your writing is smooth. I saw nothing I would change (which is a rarity). Thank you for a most interesting read.
Hugs,
Maggie
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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This is a strong story with an equally strong message. You grab my attention with the first paragraph and held it throughout the chapter.
Your writing is smooth. I saw nothing I would change (which is a rarity). Thank you for a most interesting read.
Hugs,
Maggie
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from Deorre Leonard
What a story! This is another great chapter. I really enjoy reading and reviewing your work. this is very well written as always. Deorre
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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What a story! This is another great chapter. I really enjoy reading and reviewing your work. this is very well written as always. Deorre
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara ....
It is some time since I have read one of the chapters of your book but, as always, I enjoyed this one - short though it is.
There are just a few small changes to recommend ...
* You have - After he closed the phone ... After Troy closed the door ... and a bit further on - After getting a glass of water .... This repetitive use of the word "After" with which to start these sentences is not good. For the second one, you could simply have ..
Troy closed the door and then .... and for the third one, it could be .... A glass of water was what she needed just then ....
Thank you for sharing this story with us.
Love from ... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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Hullo Barbara ....
It is some time since I have read one of the chapters of your book but, as always, I enjoyed this one - short though it is.
There are just a few small changes to recommend ...
* You have - After he closed the phone ... After Troy closed the door ... and a bit further on - After getting a glass of water .... This repetitive use of the word "After" with which to start these sentences is not good. For the second one, you could simply have ..
Troy closed the door and then .... and for the third one, it could be .... A glass of water was what she needed just then ....
Thank you for sharing this story with us.
Love from ... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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I will recheck those areas. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Allezw2
Lady barbara wilkey,
In my observation, the military was a the epitome of a small town with a rigid caste system. Any spouse willing to undergo that structured existence certainly had my heartfelt admiration.
Too many estranged parents seek only to harm each other and custody battles are wars, not for the benefit of the the child but aggrandizement of the individual seeking the sole possession of the offspring.
On deployments, the stay-at-home spouse is wholly in charge. It is when the return of the other spouse from deployment that the arrangement is too often overturned and responsibilities and routines are wrenched into another path. Many times there are recriminations. One can only shake a head and hope maturity comes early and endures.
For your consideration, or not:
- At the sound of a (loud muffler), she ran to the window, but couldn't see it.
As a play on words, this might mean a comic reaction to a brightly colored and patterned, heavy scarf.
In the context, I presume you meant a motor vehicle with an minimally silenced exhaust. Perhaps you might make that clearer.
FYI: For years there were still signs posted about residential neighborhoods, near churches and hospitals as well as civic centers: QUIET ZONE.
Until 1947, in California, there were no laws requiring mufflers on motor vehicles, or uniform laws against motor vehicles with ineffective or absent exhaust mufflers. Municipalities could post signs limiting these vehicles access to certain areas. Some rigidly enforced that ordinance, others less so.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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Lady barbara wilkey,
In my observation, the military was a the epitome of a small town with a rigid caste system. Any spouse willing to undergo that structured existence certainly had my heartfelt admiration.
Too many estranged parents seek only to harm each other and custody battles are wars, not for the benefit of the the child but aggrandizement of the individual seeking the sole possession of the offspring.
On deployments, the stay-at-home spouse is wholly in charge. It is when the return of the other spouse from deployment that the arrangement is too often overturned and responsibilities and routines are wrenched into another path. Many times there are recriminations. One can only shake a head and hope maturity comes early and endures.
For your consideration, or not:
- At the sound of a (loud muffler), she ran to the window, but couldn't see it.
As a play on words, this might mean a comic reaction to a brightly colored and patterned, heavy scarf.
In the context, I presume you meant a motor vehicle with an minimally silenced exhaust. Perhaps you might make that clearer.
FYI: For years there were still signs posted about residential neighborhoods, near churches and hospitals as well as civic centers: QUIET ZONE.
Until 1947, in California, there were no laws requiring mufflers on motor vehicles, or uniform laws against motor vehicles with ineffective or absent exhaust mufflers. Municipalities could post signs limiting these vehicles access to certain areas. Some rigidly enforced that ordinance, others less so.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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I live in TX and there seems to be no laws about muffers and this story takes place in TX. Thank you for the kind review.
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You're quite welcome. Keep'em flying.
Comment from Crennan87
I just stumbled upon your story and was absolutely taken by it. The way you weave the plot together it fantastic. I am a sucker for character development, and your work definitely does the trick. I can't wait to read about what happens next!
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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I just stumbled upon your story and was absolutely taken by it. The way you weave the plot together it fantastic. I am a sucker for character development, and your work definitely does the trick. I can't wait to read about what happens next!
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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You have have given me a five star review, but a four star rating. I am confused. What should I change to get five stars?
