Comment from cheyennewy

Excellent

Hi Mike,

Because of the length of you chapters I can only review one per day. I have over 180 reviews to answer which takes away my reviewing. That said, I did enjoy this chapter and wish I knew who the convention lady is! You have penned a lot of detail so your readers know what is taking place. I think the convention sounds like a lot of fun. Sorry you found you didn't have the money you thought you did. Did someone steal it? Well done, chey

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012

I understand, and regardless have to slow things down as I have to review myself for more money because of the split chapters. Almost done writing though! The speculation on the lost money continues for two more chapters, then the answer comes to me. I loved both poetry conventions, depite the frustrations that reveal themselves. I also sort of preserve a record of what happen and may happen with the conventions. I appreaciate you reviewing this as well the compliments. Mike

Comment from Jean Lutz

Excellent

As I read more episodes of your on-going story I keep thinking "Welcome to the 21st Century". At least your thoughts are collected enough to put down on paper.

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012

Well in the case of the last six and what is to come, I agonized over those thoughts for at least three months. With the first third of the book, it was fairly easy to write as I had done that two times before. With the second third, it took much more doing, but had already thought out the direction to take things. With the latest, they were in virgin territory and took a trememdous effort to work out. In direction, structure, as well sorting through the thousands of details to cull them into what I needed to keep it entertaining yet cohesive and always with the aim of life's commentary and making my points.

I also could simply state things as, "Well, these are my memories," but I did want to be as accurate as possible, which is actually hard to do because your own mind reassigns a priority and it's own time frame, so I had to in a sense, become a third person and research the various aspects. In some cases by pulling up maps and satellite imagery. I think this has been especially helpful in providing the reader with a sense of time and space which actually cuts down on the amount of drama I have to include. Instead of talking about how long on of my hikes are, I simply weigh in my dialog the fact it took three miles each way. There their own mind does the calculation which is actually more dramatic because I clip along at 4-5 miles an hour. With the 98ROCk story, I have been able to place things because I always photographed their events and use the date stamps on the photographs to assemble the order and time frame. Still it involves a lot of work. I actually like rereading the convention then from being there. It's more interesting, instead of the fact my head was spinning like a top.

I thank you very much for you reading this and the best compliments I have received so far! Mike

reply by Jean Lutz on 02-Jan-2012

Some of my friends write what they call fiction based on actual events. It is hard to go back and reconstruct.

reply by the author on 02-Jan-2012

I wouldn't even try to reconstruct them as regardles, they are fiction. Even with what I am writing about, it is my best guess with what I got, yet may still remain a fiction as one is only blessed with pieces of the puzzle. For me, it adds only to the wonders. My ex-has already accused me of that in regards to the step-daughter adventure and I loved the look on her face when I informed that she forgot to take all those police reports with her. I did talk with that ex-step and she is reformed for lack of money, and she said, "Oh, God! It's all the bad stuff I did..."

I told her that was true, but I included the failings that lead up to her adventures and my underlying admiration, as she proved herself much smarter then the adults I was dealing with ... Something I never got away with." Of course I added, "In no way would I tell you that at the time, because I had no desire for you to go for the glory!" I got a laugh out of her.

I have so many crazy adventures in this work from getting over of Shakespearian tragedy greif, to caring for a severely brain damaged mom, to a marriage that was destined to fail from the start, and a second marriage with poetry, I hope the underlying theme of learning a faithful patience and also allowing the curve of knowledge to come to you shines though.

Comment from chuckduncannovels

Needs Improvement

Hi Mike K2

Thanks for sharing your work. I like the passion you bring to your work. You have clearly thought out every step of the story. This is both a blessing and a curse, trust me, I know from personal experience.

I have been told over and over in my own works that "less is more" Describing every little detail deminishes your point and delays moving the story forward. I would recommend focusing more on the plot and less on all the extraneous happenings. Try to reduce your charachters to only those who matter to the plot.

You are maiking errors in your sentence structures. I have listed three examples. But, unfortunatly, there are quite a few in the piece. I found reading your story difficult. My best advice is for you to think in terms of short fluid paragraphs that relate only to what is immediately around them as the story progresses to the point.

When I read the following I get two tenses. Present and future mixed.


This alone would take up two weekends and the week in between with a mid-week hike to pick up four new toner cartridges. After the printing, they were collated and bound with GBC bindings.> See the difference?



This next example was a run on sentence and without the comma was confusing. I am NOT a grammar freak and struggle with it myself constantly, but some things have to be done to avoid misinterpretations. See corrections in parenthasis

Go back and compare this to the original. You'll see what I mean.

The feathers comment in the next example is out of nowhere and is distracting. You have to set something like that up, or at least explain it immediately.

Also "It put a panic into me..." This doesn't flow. I would use something like "I felt panic rise and a growing fear begin to envelop me."

I assume you are referencing nervous feelings? It is better not to use so many words in a metaphor. It distracts.

This will be my last example. Sorry for all the criticism. You have great subjec material but your writing lacks cadence, symetry and logical process. If you work a these you will produce good stuff!

Corretions in brackets

(drop at and use something like "that an interesting problem had occurred)

Not sure why you used "the" before "pulling"

I am sorry to be so critical, but that's what we are doing this for. If I am not honest with you, as others have been with me,then you won't advance your craft and that would be a shame. Your work is inspired. Stick with it amd good luck in the future!!

 Comment Written 01-Jan-2012

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reply by the author on 01-Jan-2012

Criticism doesn't bother me and I understand many of your points and will definitely take a look. This isn't a stand alone story, but a biographical work, so some themes and stories come and go through out the book. Had you checked out the chapter index, you could pick up a hint where they started from and in what reference.

In addition, many of the chapters had to be split up due to the limited length they were allowed here, which double or triples my cost and dimenishes the returns I can glean from the review.

I thank you for taking the time to read and review this chapter. Mike