A Motherless Child
growing up without a mother47 total reviews
Comment from juliaSjames
When I read this, Bev, I see you pacing the room as you speak. I hear the thickening of tears in your voice whenever the pain of loss rolls over you as you share your memories. I feel the anguish of a bewildered little girl and the emotional confusion of a suffering adult.
For a mother is the core of a child's life. The link created in the womb is not severed when the umbilical cord is snipped.
I think this is why adopted children are moved to seek out their birth parents regardless of the love showered on them by surrogates.
You write honestly about the on-going pain of bereavement. As you say, "I have finally accepted that a part of me has withered in her absence."
I understand your grief. My own mother lived until 97 when she passed away peacefully. But I suffered terribly when she migrated from Guyana to the UK. I was eleven at the time, and although we kept in constant touch through letters and the odd telephone call, I did not see her again in person until I traveled to the UK just before my 21st birthday. I was an only child. And I remember how alone and vulnerable I felt without my mother, despite the loving care of my relatives.
This is not a perfect write, Bev. But it is a write from the heart. I think it could be developed into a full-scale biography, or into a work of fiction.
Congratulations on placing in the contest. Thank you for sharing an important part of your life with us readers.
In return I share a fragment from a poem I am in the process of writing about my mother's passing:
'I tiptoe past the room of memories
Where pain and regret slumber like twin babes
In their cradle of oblivion
I fear to wake them
I fear their sharp cries will slice my heart
Like surgeon's scalpel
I fear the agony
Of a thousand tiny bleeding cuts"
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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When I read this, Bev, I see you pacing the room as you speak. I hear the thickening of tears in your voice whenever the pain of loss rolls over you as you share your memories. I feel the anguish of a bewildered little girl and the emotional confusion of a suffering adult.
For a mother is the core of a child's life. The link created in the womb is not severed when the umbilical cord is snipped.
I think this is why adopted children are moved to seek out their birth parents regardless of the love showered on them by surrogates.
You write honestly about the on-going pain of bereavement. As you say, "I have finally accepted that a part of me has withered in her absence."
I understand your grief. My own mother lived until 97 when she passed away peacefully. But I suffered terribly when she migrated from Guyana to the UK. I was eleven at the time, and although we kept in constant touch through letters and the odd telephone call, I did not see her again in person until I traveled to the UK just before my 21st birthday. I was an only child. And I remember how alone and vulnerable I felt without my mother, despite the loving care of my relatives.
This is not a perfect write, Bev. But it is a write from the heart. I think it could be developed into a full-scale biography, or into a work of fiction.
Congratulations on placing in the contest. Thank you for sharing an important part of your life with us readers.
In return I share a fragment from a poem I am in the process of writing about my mother's passing:
'I tiptoe past the room of memories
Where pain and regret slumber like twin babes
In their cradle of oblivion
I fear to wake them
I fear their sharp cries will slice my heart
Like surgeon's scalpel
I fear the agony
Of a thousand tiny bleeding cuts"
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Thank you, jj, for taking the time to read my essay. I really appreciate your honest and supportive review. That, indeed, must have been a really difficult time and it looks like you have the makings of a fine poem around your experience. I look forward to reading it. Take care, my friend. Bev
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Good to hear from you, Bev. peace and blessings, julia
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Having read all the other winners in this non-fiction contest I'd have to say their decisions was subjective or filtered through the committee's own filtered reading needs as this post could have and should have won first prize.
All winning stories were very good, but yours shines with an intimacy that doesn't rally around God (no disrespect intended) but carries on throug your emotional journey with clarity and intimacy.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Having read all the other winners in this non-fiction contest I'd have to say their decisions was subjective or filtered through the committee's own filtered reading needs as this post could have and should have won first prize.
All winning stories were very good, but yours shines with an intimacy that doesn't rally around God (no disrespect intended) but carries on throug your emotional journey with clarity and intimacy.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Hi, Spiritual Echo. I really appreciate your words, here, more than you know. Thanks so much for taking the time to read my story and send along this heart-warming review. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from wordsfromsue
This is beautiful and I needed to read it. I'm 52, my mom died in 2004, so, eight years ago. I still ache with missing her. I find myself wanting to pick up the phone to talk to her. Reserving a part of my heart that used to enjoy making her Christmas and Birthday celebrations zany and full of love and laughter. I never stop missing her. I never quite totally lose the urge to shed some tears once in awhile. Sometimes I even let myself.
Your story is so beautifull written and I believe you're going to touch a few, or more than a few women, who need to read something in your words that is going to speak to them.
I think as an adult we feel like we're supposed to buck up and get on with things. I guess some people are better than others at it.
Your story provided wisdom for me. I'm going to bookcase it and read it again. I have a feeling there's something there just for me.
Thank you.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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This is beautiful and I needed to read it. I'm 52, my mom died in 2004, so, eight years ago. I still ache with missing her. I find myself wanting to pick up the phone to talk to her. Reserving a part of my heart that used to enjoy making her Christmas and Birthday celebrations zany and full of love and laughter. I never stop missing her. I never quite totally lose the urge to shed some tears once in awhile. Sometimes I even let myself.
Your story is so beautifull written and I believe you're going to touch a few, or more than a few women, who need to read something in your words that is going to speak to them.
I think as an adult we feel like we're supposed to buck up and get on with things. I guess some people are better than others at it.
Your story provided wisdom for me. I'm going to bookcase it and read it again. I have a feeling there's something there just for me.
Thank you.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2012
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Hello, wordsfromsue. Your review just touches me so deeply. I'm glad something in my story resonated with your own experienced loss, and believe you may find Hope's books helpful. I so appreciate the time you took to read and comment, my friend. Blessings, Bev
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Your welcome. And blessings to you as well.
Comment from MumEsGirl
My heart goes out to you. I spent 45 years seeking my birth mother and my identity.
Well written but also poignant. Daughters and sons can be motherless without the actual bereavement, so this work spoke volumes to me
kate
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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My heart goes out to you. I spent 45 years seeking my birth mother and my identity.
Well written but also poignant. Daughters and sons can be motherless without the actual bereavement, so this work spoke volumes to me
kate
Comment Written 12-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2012
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Thank you so very much, kate. I really appreciate your generosity and kind words of support. And I am hoping your journey brought you to a better place. Blessings, Bev
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Thank you Bev, it brought me home to myself
kate
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That's really wonderful, kate. I'm so happy about that! Xxx Bev
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Isn't it amazing how little the "experts" of our youth knew about children. It's as if they never were children, or had never experienced any personal tramma. Well written, Bev. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2012
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Isn't it amazing how little the "experts" of our youth knew about children. It's as if they never were children, or had never experienced any personal tramma. Well written, Bev. :) Nancy
Comment Written 01-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for stopping by, Nancy. You raise an excellent point in your review, and put in a way I hadn't thought of. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from IndianaIrish
Bev, what a moving and joyous tribute to your strength and power to hear and help others with your story. I hate the phrase, "time heals all wounds"...who are they trying to kid?? The loss of someone you love beyond words can never be healed. And in all honesty, we don't want it healed...we want their loss to be remembered and felt forever. I wrote the name of Hope and her books down to give to a friend who lost her mom at a young age and still searches for answers and a forgiveness. You're a beautiful lady to share this and I know it'll help others...as well as yourself.
Love and smiles,
Karyn :>)
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2012
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Bev, what a moving and joyous tribute to your strength and power to hear and help others with your story. I hate the phrase, "time heals all wounds"...who are they trying to kid?? The loss of someone you love beyond words can never be healed. And in all honesty, we don't want it healed...we want their loss to be remembered and felt forever. I wrote the name of Hope and her books down to give to a friend who lost her mom at a young age and still searches for answers and a forgiveness. You're a beautiful lady to share this and I know it'll help others...as well as yourself.
Love and smiles,
Karyn :>)
Comment Written 01-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much, Karyn. I hesitated to post it as I didn't want to appear to be a whiner, but it's responses like yours and the potential healing that your friend (I hope) experiences from reading Hope's books that makes it all worth while. You are a dear lady and a good friend; and I appreciate your generous and supportive words. Love, Bev
Comment from Janie King
I believe there's a Scripture in Hebrews (can't remember where exactly-didn't know it existed until my dad died) that says those that go to heaven before us is allowed to look over the balcony of Heaven and see the things in our lives that would bring them joy...your marriage...the birth of your children..they can only see the happy things for there is no sadness in Heaven. For me, that was a great comfort. God bless.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2012
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I believe there's a Scripture in Hebrews (can't remember where exactly-didn't know it existed until my dad died) that says those that go to heaven before us is allowed to look over the balcony of Heaven and see the things in our lives that would bring them joy...your marriage...the birth of your children..they can only see the happy things for there is no sadness in Heaven. For me, that was a great comfort. God bless.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Janie, for your kind words of support. I will treasure the image of those who have passed 'looking over the balcony of Heaven'. Thank you for that! Blessings, Bev
Comment from ameen786
Bev my friend, a very heart wrenching experience my friend and you have a great talent of telling it with the emotions that makes the reader feel the pain; it's said that God cannot be everywhere, so He created a mother, I remember very well to this day at age 61, how I lost my mother within a 2-hour meeting with her after my return to India to see her after 7 long years and believe me suffering with arthiritis these days her name comes out my mouth whenever I feel the pain....mother's loss can never be replaced. The short paragraphs makes this a wonderful read. Thank you for sharing your beautiful and sentimental story my friend, God bless you and a very Happy New Year to you and your loved ones.
P.S: In the 12th paragraph where you talk about Edelman's book, I believe you are missing the apostrophe in mother's loss.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2012
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Bev my friend, a very heart wrenching experience my friend and you have a great talent of telling it with the emotions that makes the reader feel the pain; it's said that God cannot be everywhere, so He created a mother, I remember very well to this day at age 61, how I lost my mother within a 2-hour meeting with her after my return to India to see her after 7 long years and believe me suffering with arthiritis these days her name comes out my mouth whenever I feel the pain....mother's loss can never be replaced. The short paragraphs makes this a wonderful read. Thank you for sharing your beautiful and sentimental story my friend, God bless you and a very Happy New Year to you and your loved ones.
P.S: In the 12th paragraph where you talk about Edelman's book, I believe you are missing the apostrophe in mother's loss.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2012
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Ameen, I thank you for the kindness that comes through so clearly from your words here. I will also check out the section in the piece you mention. Hope you have a healthy and prosperous New Year as well, my good friend! Your generosity is much appreciated...Bev
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
Bev, I have read and re-read this with tears, not only because it makes me feel the unique kind of sorrow you feel as a "motherless child" but also for very personal reasons. When my daughter died at the age of 36, she left two little girls ages 7 and 10. I grieved deeply for her (and still do), so I understand how this kind of sorrow never goes away. But the worst of my grief has always been for those little girls left without a mother. I think they probably had more support than you had, for the church people and her teachers at school, her wonderful father and aunts and uncles and other grandparents were sensitive and caring, but nothing really can fix this. There's absolutely no way to shrug it off. I know the kinds of milestones you have missed and continue to grieve for, and I ache for you, as I do for my little granddaughers. I am angry on your behalf at the nun who was so wrong-headed and insensitive in dealing with your sister. I hope your father's faith has been placed in God and not in some of His so-called representatives.
Another reason this piece is important to me is that you mentioned those two books about motherless daughters. A casual friend (who had lost her mother as a child) had told me how much those books had helped her, but she couldn't remember the name of the books or the author exactly, and I have not been able to find them. Now I know and immediately located them on Amazon. I am anxious to read them; I am sure they are still apropro.
My little granddaughters have grown up to be people of accomplishment and keen sensitivity for others, and I can see you have these qualities also. So the pain at least has not been for nothing.
I will hold your mother, Maxine Sarah LeBourdais, in my mind, and I know you carry her memory in your heart always.
With my love and blessings, Jeanie
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2012
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Bev, I have read and re-read this with tears, not only because it makes me feel the unique kind of sorrow you feel as a "motherless child" but also for very personal reasons. When my daughter died at the age of 36, she left two little girls ages 7 and 10. I grieved deeply for her (and still do), so I understand how this kind of sorrow never goes away. But the worst of my grief has always been for those little girls left without a mother. I think they probably had more support than you had, for the church people and her teachers at school, her wonderful father and aunts and uncles and other grandparents were sensitive and caring, but nothing really can fix this. There's absolutely no way to shrug it off. I know the kinds of milestones you have missed and continue to grieve for, and I ache for you, as I do for my little granddaughers. I am angry on your behalf at the nun who was so wrong-headed and insensitive in dealing with your sister. I hope your father's faith has been placed in God and not in some of His so-called representatives.
Another reason this piece is important to me is that you mentioned those two books about motherless daughters. A casual friend (who had lost her mother as a child) had told me how much those books had helped her, but she couldn't remember the name of the books or the author exactly, and I have not been able to find them. Now I know and immediately located them on Amazon. I am anxious to read them; I am sure they are still apropro.
My little granddaughters have grown up to be people of accomplishment and keen sensitivity for others, and I can see you have these qualities also. So the pain at least has not been for nothing.
I will hold your mother, Maxine Sarah LeBourdais, in my mind, and I know you carry her memory in your heart always.
With my love and blessings, Jeanie
Comment Written 31-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2012
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Dear Jeanie, Words cannot possibly convey what your review means to me. I'm moved by the depth of your sensitivity and understanding and overwhelmed by the love in every word. And I am so happy that you are going to be reading Hope's books. There's a lot in the books that covers the grieving process for all kinds of loss. I'm sorry that you have had to go on with your life without the benefit of having your beloved child by your side. It's a hard, hard thing to comprehend. But, your granddaughters are so deeply blessed by your presence in their lives. Just as you were an amazing mother to your daughter, you are an amazing grandmother. And now I can honestly say, your presence in my life has brought about deep healing. It doesn't take a lot of words to help a person's suffering, it just takes and honest sharing, I've found. I am so honored to be your friend, Jeanie. Love you, Bev
Comment from psalmist
Bev, this is outstanding. Words like shoulders hunched, huddled, impregnated with hopelessness, are quite effective bringing out the grief of your child-self. These words were especially well written: Eve had shared her apple with me and purchased my passage from innocence into the barren landscape of death.
You did a terrific job of helping the reader to understand, at least a little, the terrible pain of a child losing her parent. You have helped me to be a little more compassionate.
I love the metaphor of the rocks. It is so true for any type of loss or difficulty we face.
You end on a poignant, yet positive note. Thank you so much for sharing. Linda
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2011
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Bev, this is outstanding. Words like shoulders hunched, huddled, impregnated with hopelessness, are quite effective bringing out the grief of your child-self. These words were especially well written: Eve had shared her apple with me and purchased my passage from innocence into the barren landscape of death.
You did a terrific job of helping the reader to understand, at least a little, the terrible pain of a child losing her parent. You have helped me to be a little more compassionate.
I love the metaphor of the rocks. It is so true for any type of loss or difficulty we face.
You end on a poignant, yet positive note. Thank you so much for sharing. Linda
Comment Written 31-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2011
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Linda, I thank you so much for your incredibly supportive and generous review. I wasn't sure about posting this because I didn't want to come across as a whiner, but I'm glad that I did. Other folks have mentioned that it helped them to understand their own grief a bit better. And it has been very healing to know that something I wrote has helped others to understand this type of situation better - thank YOU for sharing that Linda. I am deeply honored and humbled by your exceptional review, my friend. Blessings, Bev
