Comment from HalfHoff

Excellent

I need to re-read this after reading part 2 ... it is long and a bit scattered at times, so hope 2 brings it all together. I really think you should consider deleting the bright red "tantrum/justification" at the very beginning ... if you really feel it necessary, maybe the comments would be a better place. Just an observation from a friend.

 Comment Written 29-Dec-2011

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reply by the author on 29-Dec-2011

LOL, it never thought of my warning as being a tantrum/justification, but thought decided to add it because I unwittingly stepped on feet here before.

In many cases I have parallel themes and experiences, and if I separate them out, it becomes too choppy and I lose the continuity of the book. I am sure there is a better way, but only a biographical publisher would be able to help me out.

Another problem is the FanStory is making me split up the chapters and everyone is reading it out of order, and unless they want to create a professional/technical certificate where I can pay up front to keep the chapters intact, I see it as something I have to accept in the critism, which is understandable to me. I want into this project knowing the reality of getting reviews here, but have been happy with the one's from people who kept up with this.

I thank you for your review and suggestions. I do consider all. Mike

Comment from Jean Lutz

Excellent

I think your writing spans a generation. Now if you can just figure out how to wind back a generation. Keep trying. I know it does happen.

 Comment Written 28-Dec-2011

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reply by the author on 29-Dec-2011

I am not exactly sure what you mean about the generation, except that it is that long in your opinion. Because I have to split up my chapters here, you did read the second part first. My fault as I failed to denote that. There is also a certain retrospective element that comes into play, where a nerve of the past is hit and either comes together and completes a thought or creates a new one. It does span the gerneration as it is about my life. I thank you for reviewing this. Mike

reply by Jean Lutz on 29-Dec-2011

No, I wasn't referring to the length. I had to go back and re-read a bit to figure out where I got the generation. I think it was the mention of the high school year book. My son Mike who went to Parkway High School some 30 years ago recently came across some of his old class mates. There has been some catching up. I think your story reminds me a bit of my son's story. I think of a generation as roughly from birth to adult. I hope this makes a little sense to you. I am so far behind on this site I may never catch up and this time it is not my fault. I am so tired of ISPs where you call and can't get an English speaking person. Well, never mind, I will save that one for later.

reply by the author on 29-Dec-2011

I got it now! I don't think you were following the early part of the book, but I was mired in the confusing pursuit of the one I loved, but just when I put it out there, she was struck and killed by a drunk driver during the senior year. What I didn't realize for ten years was I simply figured I was too shy and cowardly to let her know about my desires, not realizing it was so traumatic I lost my memory. Boy when that started coming back, I greived again, yet gained in understanding and appreciation. In high school the year book alluded me and I felt kept out of it, so it becaming an interesting guest. I got what you said. There is also much generation created in that quest towards adulthood as well. God bless and have a great day! Mike

Comment from cheyennewy

Excellent

Hi Mike,

I was going to bookcase this story but decided to read it even though it is too long for my tastes. I have little time to review but I must tell you this is well written and interesting. I think I know who your favorite member was in days past. Do you still keep up with her writings? Well done....chey

 Comment Written 26-Dec-2011

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reply by the author on 26-Dec-2011

When I decided to write this, I was realistic about the review response and good about it all. I regret that I can hardly review any writing myself as between work and my own writing, just don't have the time, so I understand and fit the reviews in as you can but don't worry about them if you can't. I thank you very much for your compliments and review. Mike

reply by cheyennewy on 26-Dec-2011

You are so welcome!

Comment from Magics02

Excellent

Wow! I started to read and this kept my interest but I do believe I need to start at the very beginning or I will have lost a lot of chapters. This was long. But written very well. I would like you to go over it with a fine tooth comb though and pick up the few minor tweaks in spelling, etc. Other than that you got me curious now and I enjoyed the read but you left me on cliff hanger:)

Great writing

Blessings

 Comment Written 26-Dec-2011

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reply by the author on 26-Dec-2011

There is a part two which should be the next chapter. I regret that Fanstory has a limit to the length of the post and I have to split my chapters. In this case it sort of works, but I have overall been severely downgraded for having to do it. I call it getting kicked in the teeth when you are already down.

I appreciate this review and thank you for it and the compliments. I know the length is a bit much for her as this is intended to be part of a printed book and when I can hold you as a reader, it tells me a lot. Mike

reply by Magics02 on 26-Dec-2011

Mike I will be upfront honest I do not usually have that much time to read some of the long stories here but yours for some reason or other really caught my eye and attention as I started to read. You captured your audience (me) and kept me reading and yes that is always a good thing for the author. I will continue to read you and admire your writing. Just check those little tweaks like I said (I am really bad about those things) and I only offer it up as truth to you for someone could read it and say it is great and then the editor or whomever is reviewing it could send it back for corrections. Hence my decision to mention this little stuff to you. Blessings to you and keep on writing. You are very good at writing. Kudos!

Comment from TammyGail

Excellent

Great work on this chapter I enjoyed the read
It was interesting indeed
It was very well written and expressed
You kept my att throughout the read with great dialog
Thanks for sharing it was a pleasure to read and review

 Comment Written 26-Dec-2011

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reply by the author on 26-Dec-2011

I appreciate you taking the time to read it and thank you for the compliments and this review. Mike

Comment from Mike Momba

Excellent

i like the theme and wish you could concentrate on the writing and reviews. i found it very interesting and informative.

I liked; 'just sat back and waited for the reviews to come in.' This is funny! Ofcourse you did not just sit back.:for taken advantage of their nature' should be ' for taqking advantage of their nature


The flow was good

 Comment Written 26-Dec-2011

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reply by the author on 26-Dec-2011

It's a balancing act in writing this, as I fully want to relate a story, but at the same time I feel they are detailed enough to convey the gist for what I wanted to say. I also have to consider what would interest an average reader that isn't a writer or uses these types of sites.

I did make the correction, but thought it best to use, "taking," not, "taqking." LOL Thanks for the heads up. I thank you very much for the comments, correction, compliments and your review. Mike

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very well written, mike, a great job writing this chapter about your experience with the divorce and the boss that didn't understand what you were going through and the trip to south dakota.

 Comment Written 26-Dec-2011

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reply by the author on 26-Dec-2011

I have been working on this for two years and generally work until my head starts spining and I want to throw-up. I think on one level The Boss Man knew exactly what he was doing, but applied a relitive justification in order to do it. I feel I can't openly accuse him of deliberate misdeads, so I express my view and supplimenting it with what was actually said. I am trying to write interesting and amusing stories about my life, while also leaving behind the nuts and bolts, that worked into my considerations, so people having the same circumstances have something to consider. It's a bit too much for my abilities, but I would like the person to read the book and enjoy it, then for it to remain on the shelf until they rememeber something in it that may help them. I loved this review and thank you for it and the flattering compliments. Mike