Polish
A Lack Lustre Sonnet30 total reviews
Comment from Tengeresz
Hi
I think sometimes people take themselves far too seriously. There is nothing wrong with constructive criticism as long as the suggestions are not rude, overbearing, condescending, and to be frank, annoying. No one appreciates a bruised ego. It is not likely that any beneficial training can take place in an abusive climate.
I am sure that this excellent poem was not a cry from the wilderness. You're poetry is technically and emotionally correct. More than that, I would say the poem it "top drawer."
Tengeresz
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Hi
I think sometimes people take themselves far too seriously. There is nothing wrong with constructive criticism as long as the suggestions are not rude, overbearing, condescending, and to be frank, annoying. No one appreciates a bruised ego. It is not likely that any beneficial training can take place in an abusive climate.
I am sure that this excellent poem was not a cry from the wilderness. You're poetry is technically and emotionally correct. More than that, I would say the poem it "top drawer."
Tengeresz
Comment Written 17-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Wow what a sterling and very top drawer review. I thank you sincerely.
Closet
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your reflections about self-doubts and others' standards for us. I enjoyed each of your rhymes and the rhythm of your sonnet and especially favored your "lyrics/song" and "cracks/veneer" metaphors. Best wishes in the contest. -Joan
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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I admired your reflections about self-doubts and others' standards for us. I enjoyed each of your rhymes and the rhythm of your sonnet and especially favored your "lyrics/song" and "cracks/veneer" metaphors. Best wishes in the contest. -Joan
Comment Written 17-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Thanks so much Joan, glad you enjoyed this one.
Appreciate your comments as always.
Closet xoxo
Comment from Modee
Understood. We have so many feeling crammed inside us all, it's nice to vent - even if it's only meant to be for awhile. This is beautiful, and the picture adds so much to the words. Nice. :)
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Understood. We have so many feeling crammed inside us all, it's nice to vent - even if it's only meant to be for awhile. This is beautiful, and the picture adds so much to the words. Nice. :)
Comment Written 17-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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A great review, thanks so much. I am glad you enjoyed.
Cheers closet
Comment from rama devi
Wonderful sonnet--emotionally super-charged, unique and very intense. Flawless meter and creative rhyming as well as a tasteful ad artistic presentation make this a strong entry. It also makes fine use of poetic devices like consonance, etc.
The only phrasing I feel has room for improvement is this one
*
I'm capable despite your much ado
Insists the way I hold my tongue is wrong
'despite your much ado insists the way'... Sounds grammatically awkward--just a bit. Not sure how to fix but you might reconsider the phrasing in that line.
Maybe:
I'm capable despite your much ado
Insisting how I hold my tongue is wrong
*
You'd criticise each method I applied
i think that must be UK spelling? In US it uses a z:
criticize.
All the alliteration and consonance on C is very effective.
Criticise, capable
According caustic
lyrics
Discouragement's
require (Q sounds also similar to to C)
fact clear
can't cracks
Good assonance here as well:
Discouragement's assurance says I fail
Good alliteration here-
To ever reach the standard you require
Interesting word choices:
Your vitriol shall flow as you exhale
It rarely gives me reason to aspire
Potent closing couplet, seeming to be laced with anger (which comes through in the tone):
The fact I'll never measure up is clear
I just can't buff out cracks from my veneer ...
Good near internal rhyme with the assonance and consonance shared between fact and cracks.
This comes close to a six. Very expressive and fine forma and composition with a subtle volta and effective closing couplet.
Good luck in the contest
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Wonderful sonnet--emotionally super-charged, unique and very intense. Flawless meter and creative rhyming as well as a tasteful ad artistic presentation make this a strong entry. It also makes fine use of poetic devices like consonance, etc.
The only phrasing I feel has room for improvement is this one
*
I'm capable despite your much ado
Insists the way I hold my tongue is wrong
'despite your much ado insists the way'... Sounds grammatically awkward--just a bit. Not sure how to fix but you might reconsider the phrasing in that line.
Maybe:
I'm capable despite your much ado
Insisting how I hold my tongue is wrong
*
You'd criticise each method I applied
i think that must be UK spelling? In US it uses a z:
criticize.
All the alliteration and consonance on C is very effective.
Criticise, capable
According caustic
lyrics
Discouragement's
require (Q sounds also similar to to C)
fact clear
can't cracks
Good assonance here as well:
Discouragement's assurance says I fail
Good alliteration here-
To ever reach the standard you require
Interesting word choices:
Your vitriol shall flow as you exhale
It rarely gives me reason to aspire
Potent closing couplet, seeming to be laced with anger (which comes through in the tone):
The fact I'll never measure up is clear
I just can't buff out cracks from my veneer ...
Good near internal rhyme with the assonance and consonance shared between fact and cracks.
This comes close to a six. Very expressive and fine forma and composition with a subtle volta and effective closing couplet.
Good luck in the contest
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 17-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Wow what a thoughtful review rd, thanks so much. I shall go take a look at all that.
Cheers and thank you again...
Closet
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*hugs* :-))
Comment from adewpearl
Excellent alternate line rhyming in your quatrains
The iambic meter is strong and steady throughout
effective use of imagery in lines like - my lyrics hardly ever fit your song
perfect word choice in vitriol in commenting on this person who is never satisfied with the speaker's efforts
I've known people who say their parents were like this - they could simply never measure up no matter how hard they tried
great imagery in buffing out the cracks from the veneer in your closing
The only thing I don't find as far as sonnet form goes is a turn in either the third quatrain or the couplet.
Brooke
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Excellent alternate line rhyming in your quatrains
The iambic meter is strong and steady throughout
effective use of imagery in lines like - my lyrics hardly ever fit your song
perfect word choice in vitriol in commenting on this person who is never satisfied with the speaker's efforts
I've known people who say their parents were like this - they could simply never measure up no matter how hard they tried
great imagery in buffing out the cracks from the veneer in your closing
The only thing I don't find as far as sonnet form goes is a turn in either the third quatrain or the couplet.
Brooke
Comment Written 17-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Hahaha, you're onto me! LOL I felt it didn't have that turn either Brooke...to be honest I feel it has the same monotonous tone all the way through...i thought about altering order of lines in the last so it would start with the vitriol line perhaps...
"So vitriol will flow as you exhale" and then rearrange the others perhaps.
Now I know its NOT an exact turn but its all I can do with whats there...I'll go take a look anyway...you confirmed what I kind of felt...so thanks for noticing.
Cheers and I appreciate the thorough review.
Phillippa xoxo
Comment from BothePo8
Well my dear Jester, who has criticized you today and taken away a bit of your "shine"?. The hubby perhaps. It is all part of family life. It too will pass and you will shine in his eyes again.
As for the poem, it flows right along, as usual. However, I think the word is "criticized" but you never know how you Aussie's might spell it. The rhyme and rhythm are very good.
Nicely done, Jester! I hope you fell better soon!
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Well my dear Jester, who has criticized you today and taken away a bit of your "shine"?. The hubby perhaps. It is all part of family life. It too will pass and you will shine in his eyes again.
As for the poem, it flows right along, as usual. However, I think the word is "criticized" but you never know how you Aussie's might spell it. The rhyme and rhythm are very good.
Nicely done, Jester! I hope you fell better soon!
Comment Written 17-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Aw thanks buddy...but no one has criticised me today...I just thought of the line after reading something and then having a disagreement with the other half a day or so ago...a few people think its about reviewers here. Its not, but its not exactly a bio either...you should know by know I amp up pretty much everything! Jajajaja
Thankyou my amigo.
Cheers Jester
xoxo
Happy Holidays...
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Hahaha!! Another reason I like you so much is because of your honesty! You know I always wish you the best...Happy holidays to you too...Bo
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Warm christmas hugs my friend.
Have a great one amigo...
I sure appreciate your support Bo.
Take care
xx Jester
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Sondra and I are sending you one of our yearly Christmas cards...She does the photography and I write the poem...We just finished making it yesterday so it will probably arrive after Christmas....Have a wonderful Christmas, Jester!
Comment from Derek Monaghan
I like this very much. The imagery you convey is stark, poignant and clever. the rhythm, meter and rhyme are very well-orchestrated. Very well done indeed! Derek
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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I like this very much. The imagery you convey is stark, poignant and clever. the rhythm, meter and rhyme are very well-orchestrated. Very well done indeed! Derek
Comment Written 17-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Many thanks Derek, glad you enjoyed.
Cheers closet
Comment from peggles
This is expertly written with a smooth flow of words making for an easy read
The rhyming is good
and the tone and style well balanced
I enjoyed this verse
Very much
Well done
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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This is expertly written with a smooth flow of words making for an easy read
The rhyming is good
and the tone and style well balanced
I enjoyed this verse
Very much
Well done
Comment Written 17-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Thanks peggles. I appreciate your thoughtful review.
Glad you liked.
Cheers closet
Comment from rashi kumar
Sonnets are tough to write!
Very well-written, this one!
I love the presentation very much.
The rhyming and meter seems good to me, I am too immature to judge that right now.
As for the poem, it really is great!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Sonnets are tough to write!
Very well-written, this one!
I love the presentation very much.
The rhyming and meter seems good to me, I am too immature to judge that right now.
As for the poem, it really is great!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Thanks rashi, and yes they have a certain amble to them in the pentameter...glad you enjoyed this one and many thanks for a delightful review.
Cheers closet
Comment from c_lucas
The first stanza is out of whack, but you defended it above your title. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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The first stanza is out of whack, but you defended it above your title. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Thanks so much charlie.
I appreciate your review.
Closet
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You're welcome.
