Stand Strong
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Alive and Awake"Social pressures threaten a childhood friendship
87 total reviews
Comment from Misrael
Excellent story about teenagers and Christian morals and how others can see what is going on and posibly misunderstand what is going on. Also good about how we need to be honest with people no matter who they are. Great job.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2011
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Excellent story about teenagers and Christian morals and how others can see what is going on and posibly misunderstand what is going on. Also good about how we need to be honest with people no matter who they are. Great job.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2011
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Hello, Misrael. Wow, you have me smiling with this awesome reivew!!! Thanks so much for reading and supporting the chapter so generously. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from bookishfabler
I actually liked it. Brings back some cool memeoriees of being a teenager. The few passives are nothing big, but thought I would point them out. I don't generally read teen stories anymore, so I review on what I know.
Mara didn't have a clue to what that meant and told him so.
Maybe instead of telling us what she felt, just have her say so. even with a simple, "what?" or "Excuse me?"
Behind Mara, stage technicians (-were making) (made) last minute sound and instrument checks.
Skillet, twenty(-)one(-)year old(,) Jen Ledger, nonchalantly climbed unto the stage
fans were bouncing as if they were in the final stages (bounced)
hugs
book
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2011
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I actually liked it. Brings back some cool memeoriees of being a teenager. The few passives are nothing big, but thought I would point them out. I don't generally read teen stories anymore, so I review on what I know.
Mara didn't have a clue to what that meant and told him so.
Maybe instead of telling us what she felt, just have her say so. even with a simple, "what?" or "Excuse me?"
Behind Mara, stage technicians (-were making) (made) last minute sound and instrument checks.
Skillet, twenty(-)one(-)year old(,) Jen Ledger, nonchalantly climbed unto the stage
fans were bouncing as if they were in the final stages (bounced)
hugs
book
Comment Written 27-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2011
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Thanks so much, books. I love your technical support and am very honored by your taking time to read this chapter. You've made excellent suggestions that I will make post-haste! Warmest regards, Bev
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You're Welcome
Comment from ~Dovey
I really like the way you played this entire scene. It is a believable depiction of the emotions and conflict in a young girl's life and her encounter with the cute boy in her class. I believe you have done well to adhere to the convictions to your chosen genre. Excellent work.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2011
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I really like the way you played this entire scene. It is a believable depiction of the emotions and conflict in a young girl's life and her encounter with the cute boy in her class. I believe you have done well to adhere to the convictions to your chosen genre. Excellent work.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2011
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Thank you so much, Dovey. I so appreciate you taking time to read this chapter. Your insights and generosity have really warmed my heart. Blessings, Bev
Comment from adewpearl
as she internally took stock - not sure you really need "internally"
I like her inner thoughts interspersed in the dialogue
Pointing to the objects in his lap, she boldly - add comma
excellent description of the concert
You discuss family dynamics in a believable way
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2011
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as she internally took stock - not sure you really need "internally"
I like her inner thoughts interspersed in the dialogue
Pointing to the objects in his lap, she boldly - add comma
excellent description of the concert
You discuss family dynamics in a believable way
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 27-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2011
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Thanks for your help on this chapter, Brooke. I also appreciate your generous review and good insights. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from AprilShower
I am glad you're writing a Christian novel for teens, my friend. I'm sure once she explains, her parents won't be upset. It seems her friend is not much of a friend. First, she leaves her to go be with others, and then, she makes it look like Mara lied to her parents just so she could go on a date. I'm certainly am not a teen, but I can remember being once upon a time. Good story.
I noticed one typing error.
Pointing to the obects(objects) in his lap she boldly inquired,
April
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2011
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I am glad you're writing a Christian novel for teens, my friend. I'm sure once she explains, her parents won't be upset. It seems her friend is not much of a friend. First, she leaves her to go be with others, and then, she makes it look like Mara lied to her parents just so she could go on a date. I'm certainly am not a teen, but I can remember being once upon a time. Good story.
I noticed one typing error.
Pointing to the obects(objects) in his lap she boldly inquired,
April
Comment Written 27-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2011
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Thank you so much for your very kind and encouraging words, April. Funny, but the writing of this chapter just flowed once I turned it over to Jesus and told him to 'take the wheel'. Your great insights are much appreciated, lovely lady. Warm regards, Bev
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You're welcome, Bev. That's the way it happens.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, a great job writing this story about the girl who finds herself liking a boy who isn't a Christian and now must explain to her father why she was sitting with him
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2011
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this is very well written, writingfundimension, a great job writing this story about the girl who finds herself liking a boy who isn't a Christian and now must explain to her father why she was sitting with him
Comment Written 27-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2011
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Thanks so much, sweet. I really appreciate your interest and generous review. A good insight for my next chapter, too. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Gungalo
Should be interesting to see the reaction of her parents when it happens. They play an important part in the rest of her life here. The wrong move and it will force her to make a move of her own, probably in the wrong direction.
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reply by the author on 27-Nov-2011
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Should be interesting to see the reaction of her parents when it happens. They play an important part in the rest of her life here. The wrong move and it will force her to make a move of her own, probably in the wrong direction.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2011
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Hi, Gungalo. I agree that this next chapter will have to set a tone for the rest of the story. Honesty is always the best policy. Thanks for the great review and excellent insight. Warm regards, Bev
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Thank you and good luck with an age old problem!!!
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Boy, that's the truth! Can't say I always followed my own advice either. Xxx Bev
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Heheh, well here's your chance!!
