Stand Strong
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Alive and Awake"Social pressures threaten a childhood friendship
87 total reviews
Comment from mommerry
I think you are doing a marvelous job of getting inside the heads of teenagers and putting a voice to their concerns. Too many adults prefer to ignore the choices they make or don't even notice that they are actually facing situations that cause them to look at more than one way to react. Good job.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015
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I think you are doing a marvelous job of getting inside the heads of teenagers and putting a voice to their concerns. Too many adults prefer to ignore the choices they make or don't even notice that they are actually facing situations that cause them to look at more than one way to react. Good job.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015
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Hi, mommery. Thank you so much for this uplifting and generous review. It means a lot to me that you think I'm doing a good job with this story. Really appreciate it!
:) Bev
Comment from Showboat
Hey Bev,
I was just about to mention this when I got to your notes. Just call it YA rather than plain old General Fiction.
This was a super chapter, loved how you handled Gabe and Mara meeting, very realistic.
Just an idea, you know me, lol. In order to make it more active, you might consider 'wore' rather than 'was wearing'
"Her muscular biceps were plainly visible as she was wearing a sleeveless, black tunic top trimmed in lace."
There are places like that where you might want to tighten up a bit. Nothing glaring and totally worth a 5, just something to ponder!
Great story, I'm off for the next one!
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Hey Bev,
I was just about to mention this when I got to your notes. Just call it YA rather than plain old General Fiction.
This was a super chapter, loved how you handled Gabe and Mara meeting, very realistic.
Just an idea, you know me, lol. In order to make it more active, you might consider 'wore' rather than 'was wearing'
"Her muscular biceps were plainly visible as she was wearing a sleeveless, black tunic top trimmed in lace."
There are places like that where you might want to tighten up a bit. Nothing glaring and totally worth a 5, just something to ponder!
Great story, I'm off for the next one!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 13-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2015
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Gayle, thank you so much for your interest and insights into chapter two. I have to tell you, though, that this chapter will change. I've included parts from the original chapter in the second one. In any case, what you made me realize is that I SHOULD HAVE mentioned the fact I am re-vamping the next two previously posted chapters. I now have a note at the bottom of chapter one to avoid confusion.
Thanks for you help, my friend. And I will consider your good suggestions and insights when I re-write the chapter.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Christopher.Colliers
Very well written thank you for sharing this wonderful piece of writing on this website. I look forward to reading more from you. Good job and well done.
-Christopher Lee Colliers
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2011
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Very well written thank you for sharing this wonderful piece of writing on this website. I look forward to reading more from you. Good job and well done.
-Christopher Lee Colliers
Comment Written 30-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2011
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Thank you, Christopher. I really appreciate your kind words of support and generosity! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hi Bev,
It might be intended for Christian teens, but I found it very interesting and informative. I know Christian rock is pretty big now, but I don't hear too much of it. I know that some of the artists are quite good, but don't really follow them.
Your story is well-written and I found nothing to pick apart.
Ray
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2011
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Hi Bev,
It might be intended for Christian teens, but I found it very interesting and informative. I know Christian rock is pretty big now, but I don't hear too much of it. I know that some of the artists are quite good, but don't really follow them.
Your story is well-written and I found nothing to pick apart.
Ray
Comment Written 30-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2011
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Hiya, Ray. Thank you so much for reading my chapter and sending along your wonderful, supportive review. I'm glad you found the chapter informative and thank you for letting me know that. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from JW
This is a very interesting and well written chapter. Good job.
It had been so long since the last post, I hate to admit that I had forgotten about this story.
However, I do believe teens would really like it. JW
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2011
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This is a very interesting and well written chapter. Good job.
It had been so long since the last post, I hate to admit that I had forgotten about this story.
However, I do believe teens would really like it. JW
Comment Written 29-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2011
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Thank you, JW. You're right, I procrastinated on this one. But my enthusiasm is back and I'll be posting more regularly. Thanks so much for your insights and support! Bev
Comment from God's Writer
Truly a great poem. I love the way you draw the reader into the story. Very well planned and executed. I was hooked from the very first word. I enjoy a story that I can become immersed in the story line. Your story provided the prefect platform to do this with.. Thank you for the trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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Truly a great poem. I love the way you draw the reader into the story. Very well planned and executed. I was hooked from the very first word. I enjoy a story that I can become immersed in the story line. Your story provided the prefect platform to do this with.. Thank you for the trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment Written 29-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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Thank you so much for your great review, Eric. I really appreciate your reading the chapter and offering such support! You are very kind...Bev
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Thank you Bev for the wonderful story.
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You're most welcome, Eric.
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Waiting for the next one to read and enjoy.
Comment from missy98writer
Bev,
I stopped by to read your second chapter which is splendidly written with exciting twists and turns. I read in a comment you are psychic. I have dreams that come into furition. I had dreamed for years, since I was five, I'd die at 29, but I didn't, although my little sister, Tchinina, oddly died at 29 on May 2, 2003. Recently ten months ago when I was rushed to the ER and I had to be ressetated and on life support. I saw the doctors and nurses working on me from above, and my deceased sister came to me and told me to go back for her son, Brandon's sake, so I came back. It freaked the doctors out because I had bacterial phenomena, a bad case of if. I digress, in your chapter your dialogue is great. Your descriptive writing is very good in chapter two. I love your sweet character Mara. It's good she sees through Gabe. I will try to keep up with this book. I read so many other writers books on this site not to count all the poems I read, review plus all the array of stuff I write. The art work is funky you used. I'd recommend chapter two to other reviewers. Keep on writing with a creative pen and please have a blessed day, my friend.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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Bev,
I stopped by to read your second chapter which is splendidly written with exciting twists and turns. I read in a comment you are psychic. I have dreams that come into furition. I had dreamed for years, since I was five, I'd die at 29, but I didn't, although my little sister, Tchinina, oddly died at 29 on May 2, 2003. Recently ten months ago when I was rushed to the ER and I had to be ressetated and on life support. I saw the doctors and nurses working on me from above, and my deceased sister came to me and told me to go back for her son, Brandon's sake, so I came back. It freaked the doctors out because I had bacterial phenomena, a bad case of if. I digress, in your chapter your dialogue is great. Your descriptive writing is very good in chapter two. I love your sweet character Mara. It's good she sees through Gabe. I will try to keep up with this book. I read so many other writers books on this site not to count all the poems I read, review plus all the array of stuff I write. The art work is funky you used. I'd recommend chapter two to other reviewers. Keep on writing with a creative pen and please have a blessed day, my friend.
Melissa.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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Hi, Melissa. Thank you so much for your lovely and generous review. You are always so supportive of other writers! I'm amazed at your prolific reviewing, so I'm most appreciative of your taking time to read this chapter. It's always helpful to know what the reader gets from the story and I really appreciate you letting me know that, too. I try to downplay the psychic business...it's not something folks seem all that comfortable with...sort of like I'm bragging or something. In fact, it's a talent that has many downsides with occasional highs. For instance, your story of the dream is a perfect example of how information is received. I imagine that you lived your life affected by the thought that you would die at 29, maybe with some fear, and then it didn't end up being a premonition about you but about your sister. When working with a client, it takes a great deal of energy to sort out the images and try to get the message right. In fact, it's quite draining. Anyway, thanks for sharing and for your excellent review. Warm regard, Bev
Comment from psalmist
Teen years are such a tough time. I was never one of the popular kids, so I can certainly relate to Mara. Gabe seems almost a little too smooth and worldly for a teenage boy, but then I'm not around teenage boys any more these days. I like how you bring out the struggles Mara has wanting to grow up, be independent, yet stay true to what she has learned and trying to be obedient to her parents.
Linda
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2011
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Teen years are such a tough time. I was never one of the popular kids, so I can certainly relate to Mara. Gabe seems almost a little too smooth and worldly for a teenage boy, but then I'm not around teenage boys any more these days. I like how you bring out the struggles Mara has wanting to grow up, be independent, yet stay true to what she has learned and trying to be obedient to her parents.
Linda
Comment Written 28-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2011
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Hi, Linda. Thanks for your great review. I'll be, hopefully, explaining why Gabe may appear 'too smooth' in future chapters. But your comment is one I will certainly consider when writing those chapters. I am surprised at the level of maturity among my nieces guy friends. I think worldly would be a good way to put it. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from Bellringer
Bev, Your teen-age story is exceptionally well written and seems to be in line with behaviors and emotions expected of this age group. Your narrative and dialogue was highly believable and held my attention. The central theme of a young girl seeking and sabotaging her need for acceptance was consistently maintained. Great job! Blessings, Hector
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2011
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Bev, Your teen-age story is exceptionally well written and seems to be in line with behaviors and emotions expected of this age group. Your narrative and dialogue was highly believable and held my attention. The central theme of a young girl seeking and sabotaging her need for acceptance was consistently maintained. Great job! Blessings, Hector
Comment Written 28-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2011
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Thank you so much, Hector. I'm really honored by your wonderful insights and appreciation for my chapter. It helps so much to know I'm moving in a good direction with this book. You've been extremely helpful and spectacularly generous, my friend. Blessings, Bev
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My pleasure, Bev. Look forward to reading more. Blessings, Hector
Comment from gypsynet
a time of dicovering one's true nature desoite parental resrictions... the story depicts mara's conflict between her need to probably try her wings or obey her parent's rules.. an awkward stage , a good message to feel one's power when negative teen influence summons.. good laguage and setting, with a mood of uncertainty... good write!
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2011
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a time of dicovering one's true nature desoite parental resrictions... the story depicts mara's conflict between her need to probably try her wings or obey her parent's rules.. an awkward stage , a good message to feel one's power when negative teen influence summons.. good laguage and setting, with a mood of uncertainty... good write!
Comment Written 28-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2011
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Thanks a bunch for checking out my chapter, gypsynet. I really appreciate your insights and generous rating. Take care! Bev
