Stand Strong
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Alive and Awake"Social pressures threaten a childhood friendship
87 total reviews
Comment from rtobaygo
Hello, Bev
Having raised two daughters I can say that you've captured the peer pressure and teenage angst of wanting to 'fit in.' The dialogue is flawless, the flow smooth, each scene building on the latter. You draw the reader into Mara's social awkwardness.
Well done,
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Hello, Bev
Having raised two daughters I can say that you've captured the peer pressure and teenage angst of wanting to 'fit in.' The dialogue is flawless, the flow smooth, each scene building on the latter. You draw the reader into Mara's social awkwardness.
Well done,
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Hi, Ray. Thanks much for the this gracious and very generous review. I'm so glad that it appears I've hit the right note with the teen voice -- now to keep that going for another 20+ chapters LoL. I really appreciate the support.
:) Bev
Comment from curly top
Very nice read. Personally I think we need more writers for Christian teens. I like how original and clean this story is coming out to be. Tsk tsk for jujee she doesn't seem to play the best friend very well. If I were Mara I would have rather chosen to be alone than with a friend who doesn't actually care about me but that's a personal stand point and I understand that Mara is a little insecure. Great writing can't wait to see how this all turns out.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Very nice read. Personally I think we need more writers for Christian teens. I like how original and clean this story is coming out to be. Tsk tsk for jujee she doesn't seem to play the best friend very well. If I were Mara I would have rather chosen to be alone than with a friend who doesn't actually care about me but that's a personal stand point and I understand that Mara is a little insecure. Great writing can't wait to see how this all turns out.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Thanks, curly top, for taking time to read and review my chapter. I really appreciate your generosity and insights. Very helpful as I move ahead with the story.
:) Bev
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Sometimes friends just get you into trouble. I enjoyed reading this. Good job and I can't wait to read more. Once again, you are doing a good job.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Sometimes friends just get you into trouble. I enjoyed reading this. Good job and I can't wait to read more. Once again, you are doing a good job.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Hi, Barbara. Thanks for the great review. I appreciate both your generosity and support. :) Bev
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Great story, Bev and a super chapter. I think it's difficult to write YA fiction as the teen world changes so rapidly. Their behaviors, patterns, likes and dislikes change constantly. I can tell you've done your research.
As usual, you writing is very good. For what it's worth, my impressions of your characters:
Mara comes across as insecure, and almost reluctant to have fun. Her acknowledged weight problem combined with her awkwardness fits her behavior. Jujee who is much spunkier, tries to help Mara in a "girly" moment with choosing an outfit. Mara rejects almost all of Jujee's attempts at help. It's no wonder Jujee leaves with a terse "Chill".
Jujee, much prettier and outgoing than Mara, comfortably flits around in a social setting. She's selfish and doesn't mind steamrolling over Mara. Again, I think this character is totally believable. She's not all bad, just fairly typical.
Teens will find something to identify with in either character. Hope you continue this story, Bev. I have access to a male teenager, my nephew, if you ever need to do further reserach!
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Great story, Bev and a super chapter. I think it's difficult to write YA fiction as the teen world changes so rapidly. Their behaviors, patterns, likes and dislikes change constantly. I can tell you've done your research.
As usual, you writing is very good. For what it's worth, my impressions of your characters:
Mara comes across as insecure, and almost reluctant to have fun. Her acknowledged weight problem combined with her awkwardness fits her behavior. Jujee who is much spunkier, tries to help Mara in a "girly" moment with choosing an outfit. Mara rejects almost all of Jujee's attempts at help. It's no wonder Jujee leaves with a terse "Chill".
Jujee, much prettier and outgoing than Mara, comfortably flits around in a social setting. She's selfish and doesn't mind steamrolling over Mara. Again, I think this character is totally believable. She's not all bad, just fairly typical.
Teens will find something to identify with in either character. Hope you continue this story, Bev. I have access to a male teenager, my nephew, if you ever need to do further reserach!
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Hi, Marietta. Thanks so for this great review. I appreciate your offer to have the nephew take a look, that may be a possibility for the future :)
Mara is insecure, as I think most sheltered children would tend to be. This is a new situation for her - remember she's just starting high school -- there's a lot of navigating through the treacherous waters of teendom for her. She's a sensitive person which is something that may cause her to appear backwards a bit. She's far from that. It's interesting that you saw Jujee as prettier. I really didn't describe her features other than her size. In fact, Mara is a very pretty girl who just doesn't totally get that yet. In this chapter, we have a bit of an unreliable narrator in Mara, coming through the filter of her insecurities.
Interesting insights and comments, Marietta, as always. Thanks for sharing.
:) Bev
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You're right--you never showed your readers that Jujee was prettier. See how we fill in the blanks? You've penned an interesting, and I believe accurate view into the adolescent world.
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It's fascinating as an author to discover the way a reader relates to a story. Thanks again, Marietta!
Bev
Comment from Bryana
Your story caught my interest from the beginning. I agree with Mara's parents, but her friend is very strange, why did she want to go to the party and then left her alone. Maybe it was a blessing since she met that handsome boy. I enjoyed this chapter. I will be waiting for the next one. Have a nice weekend
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Your story caught my interest from the beginning. I agree with Mara's parents, but her friend is very strange, why did she want to go to the party and then left her alone. Maybe it was a blessing since she met that handsome boy. I enjoyed this chapter. I will be waiting for the next one. Have a nice weekend
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Hi, Bryana. Mara will discover more about Jujee in time. And new people will emerge that may be a better quality of friend for her. I think even adults can relate to that :)
Thanks for the great review!
:) Bev
Comment from Dopeless Hopefiend
An interesting story circling an age group I am getting further away from with each day. I enjoyed it, and the cheat sheet before and at the end helped me identify with the characters a bit better, being I believe this is my first time reading your work and this novel specifically.
I enjoyed it, hope to read more in the future,
-D.H
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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An interesting story circling an age group I am getting further away from with each day. I enjoyed it, and the cheat sheet before and at the end helped me identify with the characters a bit better, being I believe this is my first time reading your work and this novel specifically.
I enjoyed it, hope to read more in the future,
-D.H
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Thanks so much for taking time to read my chapter and send along this kind review. I appreciate it!
:) Bev
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I know this is for young teens, Bev, but I enjoyed reading it. I can't remember reading earlier chapters but I think I can start from this one anyway. Mara reminds me of myself! (At that age) LOL Giddy
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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I know this is for young teens, Bev, but I enjoyed reading it. I can't remember reading earlier chapters but I think I can start from this one anyway. Mara reminds me of myself! (At that age) LOL Giddy
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Giddy, I really appreciate this grand review. Thank you for taking time to read this chapter and offer your special insights. That means a lot to me!
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Eric1
Hi Bev, this is a really enthralling story my friend, along with Mara you take the reader on an emotional roller coaster ride, from what I remember about my own daughters, you have got Mara and Jujee spot on as characters, wonderful story wonderfully penned.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Hi Bev, this is a really enthralling story my friend, along with Mara you take the reader on an emotional roller coaster ride, from what I remember about my own daughters, you have got Mara and Jujee spot on as characters, wonderful story wonderfully penned.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Thanks, Eric. What a gracious review! I'm trying to keep the narrative contemporary and, yet, true to the Christian principles that underlie this story. Thank you for taking to read and review. I very much appreciate it!
:) Bev
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It was my pleasure Bev, great story my friend.
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Thanks again! :) Bev
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there
This is a very interesting premise. A young Christian girl venturing into the world of bullying and peer pressure. Lot of dynamics at play and great potential.
Very well written and holds the reader's attention the entire way through.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Hi there
This is a very interesting premise. A young Christian girl venturing into the world of bullying and peer pressure. Lot of dynamics at play and great potential.
Very well written and holds the reader's attention the entire way through.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Thank you so very much, G. I appreciate your generous and encouraging review. :) Bev
Comment from Ulla
I like the take on the teenagers. That's just what they are like.
For better understanding: She studied the clothes on hangers and (the ones) tucked neatly.......
Also watch out for commas.
Looking forward to read more
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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I like the take on the teenagers. That's just what they are like.
For better understanding: She studied the clothes on hangers and (the ones) tucked neatly.......
Also watch out for commas.
Looking forward to read more
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2015
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Hi, Ulla. Thanks for the great review. I appreciate your editorial suggestion, too. I think that's a good catch :) Bev
