Comment from Charlene0513

Good

To robina1978,
You have tried to convey the wonderful evening the two had together, but you create a good entry or body of words to express their feeling at the dance but then, you quickly put an end to it by them going to university,work, being engaged to marriage, having dogs and end it with grand children in one short paragraph.
It needs to be expanded more in your thoughts before coming to an sudden ending.

Errors:
1)The evening of the ball, Mareng went to pick Mara up at her house. His parents drove him(and Mara) [there and then the pair of them] to the ball. Mara's parents would [collect](pick) them (up)again. This way Mareng and Mara could have(their first drink together.) [a drink if they wanted one, this would be their first.-omit]
2)....students will think of us[.] [A]and I am so curious...
3)(never start a statement with the word "And".)
.....dresses and suits[.](,) [S]students as well as
teachers.(it is a continued statement)
4)[That-omit](It) gave(them) time for one last dance[- at least-omit] for that evening[.](until) Mara's parents took the pair home.
Charlene

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2011

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2011

Thanks

Comment from Dutchie

Exceptional

Hi Ine Oooh so lovely this last chapter. It contains good advise too, about the use of alcohol. Very important!
I love how this story ends. Friend become lovers sometimes, or even husband and wife. It was so nice to read. Great job my dear friend. Liefs Fia

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2011

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2011

Thanks for your time and kind review. Much appreciated, Ine. Have a lovely Sunday.

Comment from allborn66

Excellent

I have not read anything else, so I can't judge much about the story. I'm not sure what age you're writing for, but it seemed a little preachy to me. The dialogue was more of "I agree with you" than any type of conflict. The voice was nice, and everything flowed smoothly.
Barbara

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2011

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2011

Thanks for your time and kind review. Much appreciated, Ine. Have a lovely Sunday.

Comment from mumsyone

Excellent

I grew up on happy endings to stories, so I'm glad this one ended happily. You might want to check the following; hard to tell if it is supposed to be one sentene or two:
Dancing and a few sips of their drink in between.
the whole evening.

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2011

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2011

Thanks for your time and kind review. Much appreciated, Ine. Have a lovely Sunday. Will check.

Comment from Torrence Winter

Excellent

A very good piece with characters that are three dimensional. You have a very good story here. There was no spag that I could find. Hope to read more soon.

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2011

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2011

Thanks for your time and kind review. So appreciated. Have a nice Sunday, Ine. Was the last chapter of this book anyway.

Comment from Janie King

Excellent

I love happy endings and where things come out happy, even if it is a fantasy story. You did a good job and a child should enjoy reading it. God bless.

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2011

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2011

Thanks for your time and kind review. Have a nice weekend, Ine