Pierce My Heart
Spiritual Song Lyrics40 total reviews
Comment from Vynrigg
A good effort for a first song. I am not sure if you had a tune in mind,whether new or old.
The lack of rhyme in the verses rather spoilt it for me, as,unlike written poetry,rhyme is much more essential for song lyrics. It also is perhaps too long for today's tastes. Three verses at the most is ample. As you said it is your first and if you continue there are good song writing books around to learn all about crafting songs verse,chorus,bridge etc. I know because I'm learning myself.
Best wishes - Vynrigg
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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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A good effort for a first song. I am not sure if you had a tune in mind,whether new or old.
The lack of rhyme in the verses rather spoilt it for me, as,unlike written poetry,rhyme is much more essential for song lyrics. It also is perhaps too long for today's tastes. Three verses at the most is ample. As you said it is your first and if you continue there are good song writing books around to learn all about crafting songs verse,chorus,bridge etc. I know because I'm learning myself.
Best wishes - Vynrigg
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Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Thanks, Vynrigg. I appreciate your input and suggestions. That's why I posted this, to learn more. I don't necessarily agree that all songwriting has to rhyme. I've heard some amazing songs that don't carry it all the way through. Still, you have made a very good attempt to educate me. Kind regards, Bev
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Fair enough,Bev,but the majority do rhyme and I do feel the verses would have benefited,in "Pierce My Heart". And I don't mean every line. A basic idea of what I do mean is: In the "Cages full of men" verse "stones" could be changed to "stone" to rhyme with known. Bye again - Vynrigg
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That's a good suggestion. I'll re-visit that line. Thanks for the specific help. Bev
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Your welcome,Bev. There are others,
but its your song,so things are up to you. All the best - Vynrigg
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Thanks again.
Comment from WilliamDeen
What a great job writing this song! You amaze me with all this talent! I really like the refrain. sunlight streamin' send the demons far away!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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What a great job writing this song! You amaze me with all this talent! I really like the refrain. sunlight streamin' send the demons far away!
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Thanks, billy. I appreciate your great review and generous support! Kindest regards, Bev
Comment from God's Writer
An interesting poem. I find it to be kind of disturbing. I guess you needed to relieve yourself of these things so bravo I am glad you did. You have done a wonderful job at song writing. But that is consistent with someone that has such a beautiful mind like you do. I hope you are OK though. I care for you very much and hate that you hurt. But there is not much I can do but listen, which I am always available to do. Great Job!!!!!!!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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An interesting poem. I find it to be kind of disturbing. I guess you needed to relieve yourself of these things so bravo I am glad you did. You have done a wonderful job at song writing. But that is consistent with someone that has such a beautiful mind like you do. I hope you are OK though. I care for you very much and hate that you hurt. But there is not much I can do but listen, which I am always available to do. Great Job!!!!!!!
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Hi, Eric. Thank you for your great review and kind words. I appreciate you taking time to read my poem/lyrics. The content really represents the perspective of someone who is searching for God and is weary of being told who God is by the 'experts'. At least, that is what I had in mind when writing it. I visualize this beings sung by some of the heavy metal Christian rock groups such as Skillet and others. They have a way of putting the dark and light side by side that I find very interesting and which appeals to the younger Christian audience. So, I am really okay...but thanks for caring. Blessings, Bev
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I am sorry Bev, but you are close to my heart. I have strong feelings for you as a sister and a very close friend. I feel as if I have known you for years. I feel comfortable in your presence. My love for you is unconditional. The same love that a man would have for his wife, but at a lesser level. Love is all the same thing just different levels. Jesus loves you with that very unconditional love also, and that doesn't mean that either one of us want to be intimate with you. As special friends, but no further. I explain myself because I don't want you to get the wrong impression of me and think I am just some kind of a sick pervert. I am not. I am doing as my Lord tells me to do. And that is to love my neighbor as myself. You are my neighbor, my sister and a very special friend. I am sad when you are sad. I hurt when you hurt. I cry when you cry. I laugh when you laugh. You are bone of my bones. At least that is the way I feel, but it is in A NON-SEXUAL WAY. It would take dating and marriage before I could or would make love to you. I don't do that before marriage. I dod once many years ago. I fell madly in love with that woman, and when we broke up even though it was I that broke up with her I was devastated. I made up my mind that I was never again going to have sex outside of the bond of marriage. I don't really know why I am telling you this other than I feel very comfortable talking to you. I know that if you fully understand what I am saying, you will not judge me. Shalom.
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Eric, you are a kind man and I am honored that you are sharing the sad details of your past. I know that you are expressing yourself in a way that you feel you are called to and I'm glad that you have explained where that comes from. I don't think badly of you at all. You are someone that is reaching out to kindred spirits on this site and I'm glad that you feel that I am one of those people. Being an artist is lonely and confusing at times, and I am happy to support you in your writing endeavors. Bright blessings...Bev
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That is fine. Are you comfortable with me loving you unconditionally as I explained in my last post. The reason I ask is I was raped by babysitters when I was growing up so I know what the word no means I alsi know how innocent things can make others feel uncomfortable. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around my on this site. It may take time for you to get used to a man loving you without wanting sex, but that is what I want. I want to love you because I am told too, and because understand you through your poetry, and you are very lonely. So I love you as I love myself. My heart is big wnough for all the people I love and a lot more. If it does bother you I will try my best to retract it, but I promise you rhere are no alterior motives for this love. Shalom.
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Bev
Your first attempt at song writing? You're a natural.
Although you have classified your lovely words as Christian song lyrics there is nothing overtly religious about them. They can be enjoyed by everyone with or without faith.
Now I had to try and imagine the music - and I came up with Country & Western?
Great presentation too.
But I have to admit. If I saw a smiley guy in my rear-view mirror, I'd want to know how he got into my car!
Ron xox
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Hi Bev
Your first attempt at song writing? You're a natural.
Although you have classified your lovely words as Christian song lyrics there is nothing overtly religious about them. They can be enjoyed by everyone with or without faith.
Now I had to try and imagine the music - and I came up with Country & Western?
Great presentation too.
But I have to admit. If I saw a smiley guy in my rear-view mirror, I'd want to know how he got into my car!
Ron xox
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Hiya, Ron. You are so sweet to give me a sixer for this. Very generous, my friend. Vince Gill maybe? You're right that most country stars include some gospel in their recordings. That works for me! What a tremendously supportive review you've written here and I hope you know how much I appreciate it, buddy. Warm regards, Bev Should I add that he was in the car BEHIND mine?!!
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No - maybe he was a real angel. xox
Comment from mumsyone
Hi Bev,
Not bad for your first attempt at song lyrics. I like your author notes, and I like the refrain, which rhymes. Actually, your other stanzas should rhyme, too, but if you have a tune that works with it, that's fine.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Hi Bev,
Not bad for your first attempt at song lyrics. I like your author notes, and I like the refrain, which rhymes. Actually, your other stanzas should rhyme, too, but if you have a tune that works with it, that's fine.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Thanks so much, mumsyone. I appreciate your time and interest. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from MAMONIA
This is extremely beautiful and very deep.
You have done an excellent job, if this is
a first at lyric writing. Who knows where
this may take you?
Poetry and song writing are not far off
from each other. So if you like poetry, go
for it!!!
This was great and I really enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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This is extremely beautiful and very deep.
You have done an excellent job, if this is
a first at lyric writing. Who knows where
this may take you?
Poetry and song writing are not far off
from each other. So if you like poetry, go
for it!!!
This was great and I really enjoyed it.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Thank you very much, MAMONIA. I really appreciate your support for my first attempt at song writing. Your encouragement is very kind and you are awesome for reviewing! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Maureen's Pen
This was beautiful. So was the little note in your author notes about his smile lifting your heart. It does happen that way. This was a great lyrical flowing song ...
Enjoyed it very much. Smiles even on my roughest days always make the room brighter and the life full of joy....
This was a fabulous extension of that.
Loved it and I thank you for sharing your smiles and wonderfully written song.
Maureen
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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This was beautiful. So was the little note in your author notes about his smile lifting your heart. It does happen that way. This was a great lyrical flowing song ...
Enjoyed it very much. Smiles even on my roughest days always make the room brighter and the life full of joy....
This was a fabulous extension of that.
Loved it and I thank you for sharing your smiles and wonderfully written song.
Maureen
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Thank you so much, Maureen. Your words have lifted my spirit today! I was a little reluctant to post this, but that's the only way to get constructive criticism and learn. You are so very kind to take time out read this and review so generously. Heart Blessings, Bev
Comment from gazzagodbod
wow great write my friend loved the picture and presentation and such great imagery particularly liked the last stanza thanks my friend gazzaxx
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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wow great write my friend loved the picture and presentation and such great imagery particularly liked the last stanza thanks my friend gazzaxx
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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My thanks to you, gazza. I really appreciate your kind and generous review! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from rchitwood
Very creative and I enjoyed the images you have in your song
Your description of give the stone and woman who would drown their babies very vivid.Your song has creative line flow and your photo compliments your song well.Blessings Rita
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Very creative and I enjoyed the images you have in your song
Your description of give the stone and woman who would drown their babies very vivid.Your song has creative line flow and your photo compliments your song well.Blessings Rita
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Thanks so much, Rita. I appreciate you taking time to read and review my song/poem and letting me know what you liked. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from Connie C
Wow! I have to commend you, Bev, for writing song lyrics. I'd like to try singing it if I knew the tune. After reading your notes about the stranger in your rear-view mirror who smiled, I went back and read your lyrics again. I love the refrain about him being your angel for the day and how the "streamin'" sunlight sends the demons away. So very nice, my friend. You should be very proud of this. Connie
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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Wow! I have to commend you, Bev, for writing song lyrics. I'd like to try singing it if I knew the tune. After reading your notes about the stranger in your rear-view mirror who smiled, I went back and read your lyrics again. I love the refrain about him being your angel for the day and how the "streamin'" sunlight sends the demons away. So very nice, my friend. You should be very proud of this. Connie
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Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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What a wonderful review, Connie! I sent this off with some trepidation, and now I feel much better. Thanks for being the first to offer your support. I so appreciate your words and generosity. Warmest regards, Bev
