Ding Dong
The appremtice God sent us...13 total reviews
Comment from strandregs
A clockmaker's luscious assistant
Succumbed to his offers insistent,
For she found that with time
He made all her bells chime,
Every hour his dong was consistent.
I know it's passed the hour but I had to set my hand at it.
whatcha think? Z.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2011
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A clockmaker's luscious assistant
Succumbed to his offers insistent,
For she found that with time
He made all her bells chime,
Every hour his dong was consistent.
I know it's passed the hour but I had to set my hand at it.
whatcha think? Z.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2011
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Prpbably better than mine - try as I might, I couldn't nail that last line - this is a bit more like what I had in mind.
Steve
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cgeers!
Comment from adewpearl
Strong rhymes, good risque humor, and when read aloud, the characteristic inflection of a traditional limerick - can't ask for more :-)
and you even through in a good closing alliteration :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2011
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Strong rhymes, good risque humor, and when read aloud, the characteristic inflection of a traditional limerick - can't ask for more :-)
and you even through in a good closing alliteration :-) Brooke
Comment Written 18-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2011
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Thank you
I couldn't quite round this off with the perfect punchline - I searched and searched for the perfect witticism about clocks and even tried switching trades - just couldn't nail it....
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that is the sign of a true writer - I'm willing to bet 80% or more of people on this site knock off a limerick in as few minutes as possible - a true writer searches and searches for just the right word no matter what :-)
Comment from Earl of Oxford
After reading your sonnet, I cheked out your portfolio. I'm sure not disappointed with this perfectly metered limerick - a rare thing in my limited reading. Naughty but nice with subtle and clever inuendo. Earl
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2011
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After reading your sonnet, I cheked out your portfolio. I'm sure not disappointed with this perfectly metered limerick - a rare thing in my limited reading. Naughty but nice with subtle and clever inuendo. Earl
Comment Written 12-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2011
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Thank you, Earl (name or title?)
I love a good limerick - I couldn't quite manage the killer last line for this one...
Steve
Comment from WilliamDeen
Too cute! So the assistant found that her boss did it for her after all his begging and persistence! He rang her bells, but can he make time stand still?
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2011
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Too cute! So the assistant found that her boss did it for her after all his begging and persistence! He rang her bells, but can he make time stand still?
Comment Written 11-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2011
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Alas, no one can. If I could, I would have held up things a little while I came up with a better punch line.
Thanks for reviewing.
Steve
Comment from patsolstad
This is a terrific limerick. It's funny, and it reads very smoothly; the rhyming is spot-on as is the rhythm. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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This is a terrific limerick. It's funny, and it reads very smoothly; the rhyming is spot-on as is the rhythm. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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Thanks for your kind words...
No luck in the contest though.
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I didn't win, either.
Comment from Charlene0513
A writing prompt that displays gratitude for his fortitude to make her day complete.
Nice flow and picture to match.
Charlene
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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A writing prompt that displays gratitude for his fortitude to make her day complete.
Nice flow and picture to match.
Charlene
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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Thank you - certainly fortitude required to strike every hour...
Comment from yndemand
that made me smile. It was well written and flowed into this cute story in just a few words
He made her bells chime
good job and good luck
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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that made me smile. It was well written and flowed into this cute story in just a few words
He made her bells chime
good job and good luck
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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Thanks for your kind words...
No luck in the contest though.
Comment from Janie King
Hummmmmm...now what does one say to such an insinuation? If you're smart, noting (smile) This is well-written..the picture is fitting. God bless.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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Hummmmmm...now what does one say to such an insinuation? If you're smart, noting (smile) This is well-written..the picture is fitting. God bless.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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Thanks. Janie
Comment from Bloomer Burbs
Hi the time keeper
To be honest, I'm a little pissed. seems to me your limerick is ok but not sure that the punch line really works. ????????????????????
Love the lime green background my friend.
Regards, Pete
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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Hi the time keeper
To be honest, I'm a little pissed. seems to me your limerick is ok but not sure that the punch line really works. ????????????????????
Love the lime green background my friend.
Regards, Pete
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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You are right , of course - the last line is weaker than it should be - I struggled for some time for something wittier and apt for the clockmaker, and even tried other trades and professions, but in the end resigned myself to a half-baked ending...
Comment from oNray
this is clever------------------only time will tell-----------------------------------if it will---------------------
work out.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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this is clever------------------only time will tell-----------------------------------if it will---------------------
work out.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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Thanks.
When the big hand is on.....
